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Lizbeth1863

New Member
hi... so this is new to me, posting I mean. But I truly have hit a dead end and have no where else to turn. This is my story...
I was three years old when I started telling my mother and grandmother about my husband. They blew it off for a while thinking it was typical 3 yr old stuff. I'd wait outside on the porch for "him" everyday. One day in July my grandmother came out and I was crying. She asked me what was wrong and I told her my husband was dead. My grandmother decicided to pry. She asked me how he died and that was where it all started.

I described in detail, how my husband was a doctor and went away to fight in the war. We had slaves but they were more like family. I described the uniform, blue, that I had to sew gold buttons on to. I told her how he would say my name Lisbeth and how he kissed me and said no matter where he was, or what life he would always find me. I had never stepped foot in gettysburg but I described to them (my mother and grandmother) the war as it took place on the Gettysburg battlefield. I described my husband John and our son who was given that same name died during that 3 day battle. I told how my husband was killed by being stabbed in the back with a knife at they end of a gun.

Over the years I have searched to no avail. More details have emerged but I'm still at a loss. All my life I've felt like something was missing and I thought if I just found something, gained some closure things wouldn't feel this way.
In this life I have only ever stepped foot on gettysburg one time. I became so overwhelmed that I lye there in the dark crying. My husband now try's to comfort and understand but he doesn't. He's at a loss. Lately those feelings have been getting worse. An anxiety that I'll never find him. I've been having dreams, no faces but voices, saying find me. Images of the battle field I never truly got to see. The back side of a grave that I can't seem to find. I beginning to think it's all in my head.

Recently my grandmother stated that she recalls me giving her a last name, mac or Mc.. something with an M. But I'm not sure how reliable it is.
I desperately need some guidance. I've been to people that say they can help me... but all they've done is confuse me more. I'm not sure who are authentic or who are just in it for money... any advice... guidance... information would be greatly appreciated... thank you and I apologize for the long post
 
A Mac or Mc name is possible, as a lot of people in the south are of Scots-Irish descent.

Have you ever felt affinity for a particular state? (Keeping in mind statehood was very important back then, although I don't believe not having feelings towards something means it isn't possible.) I would be willing to do some research for you via genealogy resources, just to see if there might be someone who triggers memories for you.
 
Welcome

You have a powerfull soul connection, that much is very clear, I also know the effect of visiting past life battlefields, been to a few of them where I fought and either lost too many of my friends or my own, unless someone experienced that you might as well try to explain, let's say, the colour blue to someone that's born blind

There is a possibility that he may not have been reincarnated into a next life, the reason is only known to Creator, and that his soul is still searching (I know some of my comrades from various wars are reincarnated but many are still roaming the battlefield where they were killed), have you tried looking for the cemetery locations? Perhaps one will stand out, much is instinct

Unfortunately when you get answers to one question, others will pop up
I too tried to find closure but am still drawn back to certain times and have a hard time shaking the sadness and feeling of missing my comrades, omly few can understand, let alone know what you're talking about, I'm one of them and on here you'll find quite a few others
 
I have always felt some connection to Georgia. I've never lived there but have always adored the old plantations and the trees with Spanish moss. I haven't thought to research troops from Georgia since I describe a union solider. But I never felt we were from the north. I understand he may not be here in this life, my hope I suppose is that perhaps by finding his grave or just something would give me the closure I am so desperately seeking. Genealogy help would be amazing! I feel tapped out and like I'm hitting a wall. Ive been in talks with gettysburg national park but they haven't been much help
 
Welcome to the forum Lizbeth, those are remarkable memories. If you were sewing buttons on a blue uniform, it would seem to indicate that you were not in the south at that time. Having servants has been a practice forever so the thoughts that such a thing was only practiced in the south is too harsh of a dividing line, it was more a matter of wealth and the ability to support other people in a barter situation.
 
Hi Lisbeth,

A lot of the fighting in battles during the war was conducted at relatively long range, by rifle and cannon. A bayonet wound is the product of hand-to-hand "close" combat. You should be able to look up the times when Union and Confederate troops closed the gap and actually engaged hand-to-hand leading up to and at the Battle of Gettysburg. After the Union forces were firmly in place in the advantageous position they held during the battle, I don't believe the Confederates were able to close the gap and engage in hand-to-hand combat with them except for a brief time during Pickett's (Ill-fated) charge. (I'm just going by memory here, so I may be wrong). If this was the case, you may well be able to pin down the units involved on both sides and also, possibly, the names of many of the dead. One way or another, there are a lot of resources out there--there are plenty of historians and others who remain interested in the war, as well as new books being written every year. However, it may take a good deal of research to look into these matters.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--Many consider Pickett's unsuccessful charge to be the turning point of the battle that is often considered to be the decisive turning point of the war.

PPS--One of my "physical" ancestors also fought at Gettysburg.

PPPS--Some Confederate officers wore blue coats, especially in the early years of the war:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unifo..._Armed_Forces#Service_dress_uniforms_overview
 
SeaAndSky said:
Hi Lisbeth,

A lot of the fighting in battles during the war was conducted at relatively long range, by rifle and cannon. A bayonet wound is the product of hand-to-hand "close" combat. You should be able to look up the times when Union and Confederate troops closed the gap and actually engaged hand-to-hand leading up to and at the Battle of Gettysburg. After the Union forces were firmly in place in the advantageous position they held during the battle, I don't believe the Confederates were able to close the gap and engage in hand-to-hand combat with them except for a brief time during Pickett's (Ill-fated) charge. (I'm just going by memory here, so I may be wrong). If this was the case, you may well be able to pin down the units involved on both sides and also, possibly, the names of many of the dead. One way or another, there are a lot of resources out there--there are plenty of historians and others who remain interested in the war, as well as new books being written every year. However, it may take a good deal of research to look into these matters.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--Many consider Pickett's unsuccessful charge to be the turning point of the battle that is often considered to be the decisive turning point of the war.

PPS--One of my "physical" ancestors also fought at Gettysburg.

PPPS--Some Confederate officers wore blue coats, especially in the early years of the war:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unifo..._Armed_Forces#Service_dress_uniforms_overview
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Thank you so much for that information! I spoke with both my grandmother and mother this morning and received conflicting data. My mother states I described a blue uniform whereas my grandmother states a grey one However they were both adamant that I said my husband was stabbed in the back so I'm leaning more towards pickets charge. I've decided to research the names of the dead to see if anything triggers. I've been so focused on the fact that I stated he was a doctor that's what I've been looking for. It occurred to me this morning that he may not of had that profession during the war, so I kind of feel like I'm starting from scratch. I've also been focused on the fact that I described slaves, only considering that we must have been from the south but the fact that I said they lived in our home and were more like friends have me wondering if instead we lived in the north. I personally was born in Pennsylvania, but that's never felt like home to me. I've begged my husband to move further south and currently I am in Tennessee. I love it here but still feel more drawn to southern Georgia. I'll update anything I find and if anyone has anymore insight or advise I will gladly take it!
 
Welcome Lisbeth. Thank you for turning to us. Many of us understand your pain in very real ways. The separation from someone so dear, especially through war, is maddening. The essence of those emotions back then... impacted our souls so profoundly that they manifest now in our new incarnations. For many, myself included, we struggle with these issues confused and dazed. Some tell us it's just depression, some say we're silly, some say we're over reacting... yet the feeling, that essence, is very real, isn't it?

I wish someone would have told me about reincarnation so many years ago, and that my feelings were "normal" and explainable. I too made my way here and began my journey of understanding. So, in this beginning, I say to you welcome... your emotions and feelings are "normal," explainable.... they're okay. Find a way to relax in the panic of it all because your answers will come silently and when you least expect them. Study that war, study reincarnation, study your own life as it is right now, and above all open your heart to everything. A clear and level mind is key. Do you meditate? A regular meditation practice will not only calm your mind in this regard, but also help you deal with all life. Learn, above all, mindfulness as a practice... it will furnish perspectives.

Lastly, have you read, Jeffery Keene's, book Someone Elses Yesterday. It's a compelling story of the civil war and someone's incredible past life memories. Jeff is a member of our forum.

Blessings, ~Tman
 
Hi Lizbeth,

Glad I could help. I would suggest you read some of the harrowing accounts of Pickett's charge and the hand-to-hand climax of the battle. (You will easily be able to find numerous accounts online). The Confederate forces went through withering fire to reach Union lines, with huge casualty rates, but were extremely weakened by the time they got there and soon repelled after brutal hand-to-hand combat with Union forces. Unfortunately, I did not see a "Mc--" or "Mac--" in the names of the officers that pop up in association with the attack, but such accounts don't usually go down the ranks very far below general, so you will have to do some extreme research to come up with something. Hmm. You might try various combinations of "Mac" together with "Gettysburg" (e.g., MacDonald and Gettysburg, MacGregor and Gettysburg, etc.), and see what you get. I wish you success in your searching. It sounds like you were a Southerner (as was your beloved) in that lifetime. So, you might want to let your imagination wander along "Southern" avenues/themes and see if anything pops up. There are directions for meditation on the site, so they also might be of assistance in recovering some more specific memories.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--If you check out examples of coats worn by Southern officers, you will find very wide variation. Aside from obvious examples that appear to be Navy blue, there are "grey" tones that range from light to charcoal, with the latter looking very much like a dark navy blue. So, it is sometimes hard to base much on the color of the coat worn.
 
Have you tried regression? I believe self-hypnosis regression is the best tool to learn about past lives, and as general psychic development.
 
baro-san said:
Have you tried regression? I believe self-hypnosis regression is the best tool to learn about past lives, and as general psychic development.
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I have not tried that yet. I'm unsure exactly how to go about it I did speak with someone today who suggested I try a soul to soul meditation...
 
SeaAndSky said:
Hi Lizbeth,

Glad I could help. I would suggest you read some of the harrowing accounts of Pickett's charge and the hand-to-hand climax of the battle. (You will easily be able to find numerous accounts online). The Confederate forces went through withering fire to reach Union lines, with huge casualty rates, but were extremely weakened by the time they got there and soon repelled after brutal hand-to-hand combat with Union forces. Unfortunately, I did not see a "Mc--" or "Mac--" in the names of the officers that pop up in association with the attack, but such accounts don't usually go down the ranks very far below general, so you will have to do some extreme research to come up with something. Hmm. You might try various combinations of "Mac" together with "Gettysburg" (e.g., MacDonald and Gettysburg, MacGregor and Gettysburg, etc.), and see what you get. I wish you success in your searching. It sounds like you were a Southerner (as was your beloved) in that lifetime. So, you might want to let your imagination wander along "Southern" avenues/themes and see if anything pops up. There are directions for meditation on the site, so they also might be of assistance in recovering some more specific memories.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--If you check out examples of coats worn by Southern officers, you will find very wide variation. Aside from obvious examples that appear to be Navy blue, there are "grey" tones that range from light to charcoal, with the latter looking very much like a dark navy blue. So, it is sometimes hard to base much on the color of the coat worn.
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I have been doing extensive research. Including speaking to a psychic today in hopes that maybe they would pick up on something. The woman I spoke with is adamant that she saw the last name Reagan or Orourke. Something distinctly Irish with an R. She also said she saw that we lived in ny or had a connection to ny. However another psychic I spoke with said we lived south east of the battle, so unfortunately that's very conflicting data. I wish I could find something more solid
 
The problem with dealing with the spirit world, I too can communicate with spirits, is that it's not an exact science and I too have been lead on another path than intented, trust your instinct (weird as it may sound, that's your line to the higher level)
If something clicks then you're often on the right path
Is there a possibility that the Mc or Mac can be a first name?
 
Hi Lizbeth,

The latest info you received could make a lot of sense, but may mean your husband was connected to the defending unit, as it was an Irish unit that held their ground and turned the tide (while others fled): the 69th Pennsylvania. As Wikipedia puts it:

"The Irishmen of the 69th Pennsylvania resisted fiercely in a melee of rifle fire, bayonets, and fists."

However, the fact that the defenders were Irish is not definitive. Your husband may still have been on the Confederate side, as many Irish fought on both sides in the War. So, this is possibly an interesting lead, but there are still many questions.

Cordially,
S&S
 
PS--Something else occurs to me. Drs were usually to the rear doing battlefield surgery and tending the wounded brought to them, and would not have been taking part in a charge--such as on the Confederate side. So, I have a hard time imagining a Dr. serving in that capacity taking part on the Confederate side. However, in an emplacement where ground is being held--as in the Union positions being stormed--I can imagine a Dr. moving around tending to the wounded and being caught in the ensuing melee. Just a thought. I am, once again, no expert on these matters, though I have studied some things related to the war.
 
CanSol said:
The problem with dealing with the spirit world, I too can communicate with spirits, is that it's not an exact science and I too have been lead on another path than intented, trust your instinct (weird as it may sound, that's your line to the higher level)
If something clicks then you're often on the right path
Is there a possibility that the Mc or Mac can be a first name?
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I don't think it would be a first name. Everyone I've spoke with concerning what I said when I was younger were insistent on John. The things I remember is John as well. So I am fairly certain the first name is John
 
SeaAndSky said:
PS--Something else occurs to me. Drs were usually to the rear doing battlefield surgery and tending the wounded brought to them, and would not have been taking part in a charge--such as on the Confederate side. So, I have a hard time imagining a Dr. serving in that capacity taking part on the Confederate side. However, in an emplacement where ground is being held--as in the Union positions being stormed--I can imagine a Dr. moving around tending to the wounded and being caught in the ensuing melee. Just a thought. I am, once again, no expert on these matters, though I have studied some things related to the war.
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I'm not sure if it makes sense but dreams I had when I was younger have shown me a white tent on a hill over looking a valley of sorts (again Ive never seen gettysburg in its entirety in person so I'm not sure if it's something my minds made up) but in the tent I can see his back, there is blood all around and I can hear groans of men. Someone sneaks behind him. I don't see the actual act but I see the blood spreading across his shirt. Now again I don't know if perhaps he was a doctor before the war and joined the war doing something else. I just know I said he was a doctor. I've researched doctors but am coming up with zilch. Considering speaking with another psychic but they're so expensive and I'm not sure if they're legit.
 
Those that were doctors before the war where also that during war, any war
They were also neutral, meaning they threat casualties from all sides, including non combattants, this has been an unwritten rule for centuries before the Geneva Convention made it official, those in the medical field generaly are adverse to conflict and try to remain neutral and by continueing their job saving as much lives as possible, if they have to go to war they might as well do something that they trained for, love and are good at

What you describe is meatball surgeory, the first crude life saving operation before someone further back could do the rest, those field hospitals were at risk of being over run by the enemy and the medical staff was in as much risk of getting killed as the combattants in such events
 
CanSol said:
Those that were doctors before the war where also that during war, any war
They were also neutral, meaning they threat casualties from all sides, including non combattants, this has been an unwritten rule for centuries before the Geneva Convention made it official, those in the medical field generaly are adverse to conflict and try to remain neutral and by continueing their job saving as much lives as possible, if they have to go to war they might as well do something that they trained for, love and are good at

What you describe is meatball surgeory, the first crude life saving operation before someone further back could do the rest, those field hospitals were at risk of being over run by the enemy and the medical staff was in as much risk of getting killed as the combattants in such events
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I wasn't even sure if that was a real thing! So that dream makes sense then. Perhaps I can research that
 
If there's info of field medical personel or units it should make it easier to atleast narrow down your search area
I did some checking on the oath of hypocrates (the oath ALL medical personel take) and he must've taken it when he went to med school since it's basically around as long as western medicine is
That is also why I ruled out that he may have taken up arms or a different trade, many not just swear to the oath but also live by it
For them "never shall I do harm" is holy to them
I took it in this life and in atleast one PL but don't have a problem taking a life if needed to defend myself and my patients, jumped into Normandy with a. 45 in a pocket, was a Combat Medic then and was Infantry in this life, with a truckload of medical knowledge but still, for others it's completely unthinkable that they take a life, even to safe themselves or their patients
 
Hi All,

I found a good site that should prove useful for research on the 69th Pennsylvania: http://www.pacivilwar.com/regiment/69th.html

In that site I found a link to a history/roster for the 69th, and started trying to find a person with first name John and last name starting with "Mc/Mac---" or Reagan or O'Rourke:

https://quod.lib.umich.edu/cgi/t/te...idno=ABY3439.0002.001&view=image&seq=00000709

What I initially determined is that our search for "Mac" or "Mc" is unnecessary. The Irish simply used M' such as M'Connell just like they would use O'Connell. So, if you want to look through this very lengthy roster, you may find some likely possibilities. There is a listing of initial officers followed by rosters for several companies. I first found a John Reagan and a John O'Rourke, but these both survived the war.

However, when I got to page 721, I found this simple listing:

John M'Williams, killed Gettysburg July 3, 1863.

This was the date of Pickett's charge, which was turned back by the 69th in hand-to-hand combat. So it is quite likely that this soldier of the 69th died in close combat at that time, perhaps by a bayonet wound in the manner your dream suggests.

There is not, however, any indication that he is a doctor, which may not mean anything. Perhaps he enlisted as an ordinary soldier for some reason. Also, as you may recall, this was a war that divided families, with times where brother fought against brother. It is quite possible that your family had links to the South, but that John still ended up fighting for the Union. There seems to be a lot going on here that you do not yet have a handle on.

Anyhow, I did not go through the complete roster, which is quite lengthy. But you may wish to take the time and see if you find any other possibilities. Also, you may want to go back to your mother/grandmother as well as meditate on that name and see if anything comes up.

Cordially,
S&S
 
SeaAndSky said:
Hi All,

I found a good site that should prove useful for research on the 69th Pennsylvania: http://www.pacivilwar.com/regiment/69th.html

In that site I found a link to a history/roster for the 69th, and started trying to find a person with first name John and last name starting with "Mc/Mac---" or Reagan or O'Rourke:

https://quod.lib.umich.edu/cgi/t/text/pageviewer-idx?c=moa&cc=moa&sid=778308149b189f58bf191421757c33c6&q1=Sixty-Ninth Regiment&idno=ABY3439.0002.001&view=image&seq=00000709

What I initially determined is that our search for "Mac" or "Mc" is unnecessary. The Irish simply used M' such as M'Connell just like they would use O'Connell. So, if you want to look through this very lengthy roster, you may find some likely possibilities. There is a listing of initial officers followed by rosters for several companies. I first found a John Reagan and a John O'Rourke, but these both survived the war.

However, when I got to page 721, I found this simple listing:

John M'Williams, killed Gettysburg July 3, 1863.

This was the date of Pickett's charge, which was turned back by the 69th in hand-to-hand combat. So it is quite likely that this soldier of the 69th died in close combat at that time, perhaps by a bayonet wound in the manner your dream suggests.

There is not, however, any indication that he is a doctor, which may not mean anything. Perhaps he enlisted as an ordinary soldier for some reason. Also, as you may recall, this was a war that divided families, with times where brother fought against brother. It is quite possible that your family had links to the South, but that John still ended up fighting for the Union. There seems to be a lot going on here that you do not yet have a handle on.

Anyhow, I did not go through the complete roster, which is quite lengthy. But you may wish to take the time and see if you find any other possibilities. Also, you may want to go back to your mother/grandmother as well as meditate on that name and see if anything comes up.

Cordially,
S&S
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Omg! This is amazing! Thank you so much. I will go through the roster to see if anything sticks out and then research individually. It'll be a lot of work but it'll be worth it in the end. I can't thank you enough for all the help you've provided. It's a comfort knowing there are others that feel this same way and have an understanding of what I'm going through! I understand that there are a lot of pieces missing of the puzzle. My hope is over the next however long that I am able to fit the pieces together.
 
Hi Lizbeth,

I'm glad that I could help; however, caution is in order at this point. First, this is an exciting, but still preliminary finding--it simply may not hold up after more complete examination. Second, and in tune with the first comment, there are some things that don't seem to make sense here. E.g., no mention of being a physician in the record found, bayoneted in a tent in your dream (which probably would have been placed farther from the front line and not invaded as part of Pickett's charge), bayoneting a Dr. tending the sick (which would have been out of line by either side), and so forth. Some of these may turn out not to be problems on further examination, but they at least should be looked in to.

Anyhow, this may be as far as you can get with human/earthly records, though there may still be more info out there somewhere. However, even if there is, this may be a good time to look into some of the other options suggested by CanSol and others. I think that some fresh "memories" and/or relevant visions may be of assistance, though I think these should be your own rather than something from psychics. The latter do sometimes pick up things, but they can also be way off. E.g., there was a Reagan and an O'Rourke in the 69th, and they may even have been close friends of John or with him when he died. But I don't think either is the one you are looking for.

Cordially,
S&S
 
SeaAndSky said:
Hi Lizbeth,

I'm glad that I could help; however, caution is in order at this point. First, this is an exciting, but still preliminary finding--it simply may not hold up after more complete examination. Second, and in tune with the first comment, there are some things that don't seem to make sense here. E.g., no mention of being a physician in the record found, bayoneted in a tent in your dream (which probably would have been placed farther from the front line and not invaded as part of Pickett's charge), bayoneting a Dr. tending the sick (which would have been out of line by either side), and so forth. Some of these may turn out not to be problems on further examination, but they at least should be looked in to.

Anyhow, this may be as far as you can get with human/earthly records, though there may still be more info out there somewhere. However, even if there is, this may be a good time to look into some of the other options suggested by CanSol and others. I think that some fresh "memories" and/or relevant visions may be of assistance, though I think these should be your own rather than something from psychics. The latter do sometimes pick up things, but they can also be way off. E.g., there was a Reagan and an O'Rourke in the 69th, and they may even have been close friends of John or with him when he died. But I don't think either is the one you are looking for.

Cordially,
S&S
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I understand some of the things I may remember may not be accurate memories. I also understand a psychic is not a reliable source. I have been researching some things I can do to find more recent or relevant memories and with the help you've provided I stumbled upon an entire roster of union soldiers. It is quit possible he may not be listed but this is much farther than my previous attempts have taken me, that in itself is encouraging. My next plan of action is to read through the roster of surgeons and research names that stick out. At 900 pages it'll be lengthy and a long process but I am thinking positively and hope that I can find something. In the book I am finding they list the dates of death and manner in which they passed. I plan to research names that match and see if I can find marriage and or death records as well :) it's a long journey but at least I found a starting point
 
I suggest you start with the medical staff and then the combattants, narrowing it down that way

Identification is a lengthy process that takes time and dedication, I've done it several times and after a lot of searching managed to ID quite a few of my past lives
Try finding a Marine killed in 1968 with the last name Smith without having much to narrow it down in search options
 
Hi Lizbeth,

All the best with your search. CanSol has done some research of this general type before, so he probably has given some helpful hints. I would also suggest that you approach this genealogically. Census records are often available online and can be invaluable. Special research resources exist for researching ancestors that participated in the war, as there are several continuing organizations for descendants of Union and Confederate soldiers and officers. So, you can also try to trace things through resources, suggestions and links at an organization of this type dealing with Union soldiers. (For example, I think there may be accessible pension records, etc. related to those who collected pensions on behalf of deceased soldiers). You may want to go to their websites and see what they or others suggest. And, it sounds like you are approaching this in a solid disciplined way, which is great.

However, I am curious about your end goal. You may quite possibly be able to find out a good deal about John's past life identity as well as your own as his wife. Once you get into genealogy, you may find a family genealogy website that contains additional information about John and you. (Since you had a son, you are likely someone's ancestor). If you are fortunate, you may even come across some ancient photographs on such a site. Also, it may lead to information on what became of your son in that PL and so forth.

But at the end of the day, what do you hope to achieve? It seems that you are looking for some validation in terms of your experiences and some emotional closure. This would align you with a lot of people on this board, but I am curious about how you would state this yourself.

Cordially,
S&S
 
Lizbeth1863 said:
hi... so this is new to me, posting I mean. But I truly have hit a dead end and have no where else to turn. This is my story...
I was three years old when I started telling my mother and grandmother about my husband. They blew it off for a while thinking it was typical 3 yr old stuff. I'd wait outside on the porch for "him" everyday. One day in July my grandmother came out and I was crying. She asked me what was wrong and I told her my husband was dead. My grandmother decicided to pry. She asked me how he died and that was where it all started.

I described in detail, how my husband was a doctor and went away to fight in the war. We had slaves but they were more like family. I described the uniform, blue, that I had to sew gold buttons on to. I told her how he would say my name Lisbeth and how he kissed me and said no matter where he was, or what life he would always find me. I had never stepped foot in gettysburg but I described to them (my mother and grandmother) the war as it took place on the Gettysburg battlefield. I described my husband John and our son who was given that same name died during that 3 day battle. I told how my husband was killed by being stabbed in the back with a knife at they end of a gun.

Over the years I have searched to no avail. More details have emerged but I'm still at a loss. All my life I've felt like something was missing and I thought if I just found something, gained some closure things wouldn't feel this way.
In this life I have only ever stepped foot on gettysburg one time. I became so overwhelmed that I lye there in the dark crying. My husband now try's to comfort and understand but he doesn't. He's at a loss. Lately those feelings have been getting worse. An anxiety that I'll never find him. I've been having dreams, no faces but voices, saying find me. Images of the battle field I never truly got to see. The back side of a grave that I can't seem to find. I beginning to think it's all in my head.

Recently my grandmother stated that she recalls me giving her a last name, mac or Mc.. something with an M. But I'm not sure how reliable it is.
I desperately need some guidance. I've been to people that say they can help me... but all they've done is confuse me more. I'm not sure who are authentic or who are just in it for money... any advice... guidance... information would be greatly appreciated... thank you and I apologize for the long post
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Hi there, dear. I’m sorry for the late reply, I just stumbled upon your post. I really enjoyed reading your story. I too am from the American Civil War, and I just know you were there too. I feel the realness, the honesty, to your story. I remember vividly, my love from that time. His name was Abel. I know how difficult it is to deal with this loss, this confusion. You are so strong and I promise it does get easier. I suppose it’s like grief of a loved one in this life. I never have found any documentation or any substantial evidence of him, my in my heart I know I will when the time is right. What I do to cope, is to go where my heart leads me. Go where you feel him. Do what makes you feel him. Run, learn, chase. You will benefit from your journey, and if you ever want anyone to talk & relate to, please get in touch.❤️
 
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