Laughables
Member
When I started my journey into past lives, I had very little to go on besides vague feelings. Due to the help of this forum, Carol's books, and my own research as well as my own feelings and meditations, I have made such significant progress that I just wanted to share.
I've learned about three lives prior to this one. In my last life, my name may or may not have been Monica, or something similar to that. I was a very independent, rebellious young woman in the 50s-60s. Unfortunately I was very troubled and was introduced into the drug scene. I passed away of an overdose in the late 60s. I was born into this life in the 80s.
Prior to Monica, I know for certain my name was Rachel. I have posted a bit about this life before. From what I know, I was a domestic servant around the turn of the century. I took care of two young children, and the youngest of those children was hit by a carriage and killed while in my care. I was fired, and carried not only the stigma of what I was blamed for (people viewed this child's death as my fault, as she was in my care) but also my own heavy guilt and feelings of not deserving anything good. I found work as a seamstress, and died sometime in the 1930s.
Before Rachel, I was a male. This is the only life I'm aware of where I have gender-swapped, but there may, of course, be more. I was a young man named Thomas during the Civil War. I had an older brother named Walter. I may or may not have been a drummer boy, or a very young soldier. I joined the Union ranks, but I was from Indiana/Missouri and felt more pulled toward the South. This is especially interesting to me because I have always felt drawn to the Civil War-era south and when I became aware of past lives, I thought the only thing that made sense was that I must have been there, perhaps on a plantation or something of the sort. I love women's styles of the 1860s; I love the dresses, the fashion, all of the things that made me assume that I was, for lack of a better way of explaining it, a "southern belle" at some point in my life.
When I began learning about Thomas, however, I felt disappointed and really questioned what I knew or what I thought I knew. A Union drummer boy/soldier made no sense with the particular longings I felt for the South. However, I eventually learned that in the generation above mine, there was a familial split before the war. Part of my family went South, and the rest stayed North. I wanted to go South because I felt more like myself there, as if I belonged there, but I was unable to leave due to being very young. I was held there by perhaps my parents, and I feel I joined the army not out of great belief in the Union cause but rather, simply to get away. I yearned for adventure and exploration, and so of course I joined.
This particular experience in learning about this life is fascinating because it shows how past lives and intuition is not all black and white. In this life, I've longed for the South during that era with a homesickness. I once got offended during a tour of an old Civil War fort here in Boston when the guide referred to the Confederates as the "bad guys" and the Union as the "good guys."
Black and white thinking led me to believe that I was in the south in a past life when really, that wasn't the case. My longing for the south in that life somehow carried over into this life, although I wasn't able to make sense of it. But the more aware I become of where my soul has been, the more sense I am therefore able to make.
These three lives are all I'm aware of at this time. One pattern I noticed in all three is that I have repeatedly died young. I don't know when I died as Thomas, but when I was Rachel, I was already a domestic servant/caretaker by the turn of the century. I feel I must have died as Thomas young enough to turn around and be reborn as Rachel in a short enough time span that Rachel was of age to work by the early 1900s. Rachel was perhaps in her 40s when she died, by that estimation, which is not terribly old. Monica, I feel, was no older than 25 when she died. It makes me wonder if circumstances have just panned out that way in these lives, or if my soul makes a conscious choice to live short lives. It makes me a bit nervous for this one!
The last thing - none of these lives are validated in any way. I sort of feel that's a good thing for me at this time. I think my journey is less about "proving" that these people existed and that I was them, than it is about learning and believing it for myself and what it means for this current lifetime. However, that said, I do believe I found record of Thomas and Walter. They are both listed on an 1860 census from Missouri. They are just names on a list, two children from what seemed like a big family, and I have nothing concrete to prove they were meaningful to me. When I saw the names on the census, however, I felt a validation inside that caused a visceral reaction - I wanted to cry. It was a homesickness and recognition and things I cannot truly identify, all hitting me at the same time. I feel that's validation enough for me.
I just wanted to share my experiences - I know this is the place where people will understand! Have others gone through similar journeys they'd like to share?
I've learned about three lives prior to this one. In my last life, my name may or may not have been Monica, or something similar to that. I was a very independent, rebellious young woman in the 50s-60s. Unfortunately I was very troubled and was introduced into the drug scene. I passed away of an overdose in the late 60s. I was born into this life in the 80s.
Prior to Monica, I know for certain my name was Rachel. I have posted a bit about this life before. From what I know, I was a domestic servant around the turn of the century. I took care of two young children, and the youngest of those children was hit by a carriage and killed while in my care. I was fired, and carried not only the stigma of what I was blamed for (people viewed this child's death as my fault, as she was in my care) but also my own heavy guilt and feelings of not deserving anything good. I found work as a seamstress, and died sometime in the 1930s.
Before Rachel, I was a male. This is the only life I'm aware of where I have gender-swapped, but there may, of course, be more. I was a young man named Thomas during the Civil War. I had an older brother named Walter. I may or may not have been a drummer boy, or a very young soldier. I joined the Union ranks, but I was from Indiana/Missouri and felt more pulled toward the South. This is especially interesting to me because I have always felt drawn to the Civil War-era south and when I became aware of past lives, I thought the only thing that made sense was that I must have been there, perhaps on a plantation or something of the sort. I love women's styles of the 1860s; I love the dresses, the fashion, all of the things that made me assume that I was, for lack of a better way of explaining it, a "southern belle" at some point in my life.
When I began learning about Thomas, however, I felt disappointed and really questioned what I knew or what I thought I knew. A Union drummer boy/soldier made no sense with the particular longings I felt for the South. However, I eventually learned that in the generation above mine, there was a familial split before the war. Part of my family went South, and the rest stayed North. I wanted to go South because I felt more like myself there, as if I belonged there, but I was unable to leave due to being very young. I was held there by perhaps my parents, and I feel I joined the army not out of great belief in the Union cause but rather, simply to get away. I yearned for adventure and exploration, and so of course I joined.
This particular experience in learning about this life is fascinating because it shows how past lives and intuition is not all black and white. In this life, I've longed for the South during that era with a homesickness. I once got offended during a tour of an old Civil War fort here in Boston when the guide referred to the Confederates as the "bad guys" and the Union as the "good guys."
Black and white thinking led me to believe that I was in the south in a past life when really, that wasn't the case. My longing for the south in that life somehow carried over into this life, although I wasn't able to make sense of it. But the more aware I become of where my soul has been, the more sense I am therefore able to make.
These three lives are all I'm aware of at this time. One pattern I noticed in all three is that I have repeatedly died young. I don't know when I died as Thomas, but when I was Rachel, I was already a domestic servant/caretaker by the turn of the century. I feel I must have died as Thomas young enough to turn around and be reborn as Rachel in a short enough time span that Rachel was of age to work by the early 1900s. Rachel was perhaps in her 40s when she died, by that estimation, which is not terribly old. Monica, I feel, was no older than 25 when she died. It makes me wonder if circumstances have just panned out that way in these lives, or if my soul makes a conscious choice to live short lives. It makes me a bit nervous for this one!
The last thing - none of these lives are validated in any way. I sort of feel that's a good thing for me at this time. I think my journey is less about "proving" that these people existed and that I was them, than it is about learning and believing it for myself and what it means for this current lifetime. However, that said, I do believe I found record of Thomas and Walter. They are both listed on an 1860 census from Missouri. They are just names on a list, two children from what seemed like a big family, and I have nothing concrete to prove they were meaningful to me. When I saw the names on the census, however, I felt a validation inside that caused a visceral reaction - I wanted to cry. It was a homesickness and recognition and things I cannot truly identify, all hitting me at the same time. I feel that's validation enough for me.
I just wanted to share my experiences - I know this is the place where people will understand! Have others gone through similar journeys they'd like to share?
