DocMcFly
New Member
Hello all,
I am happy to have found this forum. Everyone seems very nice, and supportive, and the moderators appear to be on the lookout for new age BS and misinformation, which I value greatly asa neophyte.
I have been meditating, and searching, and waiting, and experimenting with various techniques to unlock the things that have me feeling "stuck" for a little over 10 years. Recently, I had what I consider to be a breakthrough with a physician practicing Meditative Self-Healing, using guided imagery and imagination to create a mental space.
Since then, I have had MANY lightbulb moments, accompanied by what seem like bizarre random, sometimes blasphemous (perhaps) thoughts, and I'm trying to make my way through the process the best I can.
It seems difficult to determine whether a thought is mine, or comes from somewhere else, and it also seems difficult to peel out whether a thought is coming from my ego, or from my higher self. Some thoughts seem really big, and although I feel they are authentic most of the time, I sometimes wonder still if I'm just making it all up. I know that is somewhat ironic.
Anyway, back to the topic of this post. I have been having very random cathartic moments for at least the past 5-6 years. I cannot predict when these are going to occur, and they seem to lead me to past life experiences.
The most recent was today. I was cooking a pot of chicken soup for my family, and the song "Airplanes" by B.O.B. and Eminem came on. I know, weird already. Well, it caused tears to come to my eyes, and I almost immediately started crying at the thought of wishing for something and never taking action to make it come true. I knew that I had already been through that experience, perhaps many times, over many lives. I knew also that these experiences were painful, and it made me terribly sad, but also joyful that I know that now, and I haven't made those same errors this time.
Then, the catharsis escalated, and I had to go into another room to sit down, as I began to feel light-headed, kind of in good way, though.
After sitting down, the thought occurred to me that I was Judas Iscariot. I think this was probably more of a symbol than literal, but the tears poured, and I still feel some of it now as I write this. Great regret, shame and remorse at having done something so terribly wrong surfaced all at once. When it passed, of course I felt better, and lighter, and calm.
I don't know if these are normal experiences, and I haven't yet developed my vision to thee degree that I perceive vivid imagery in my mind and in my meditation, but the feelings, and the knowing, are very real, and very impactful.
I am glad to have read here that with continued practice, things generally become clearer and more detailed. However, I am also prepared for what I think might be a deep ocean of past memories and emotions, all of which I feel I need to understand in this lifetime.
Oh yeah, and I'm guessing that the need to understand everything all at once is probably somewhat normal too, right?
Thank you all for sharing here, and I look forward to learning more!!
Jeff
I am happy to have found this forum. Everyone seems very nice, and supportive, and the moderators appear to be on the lookout for new age BS and misinformation, which I value greatly asa neophyte.
I have been meditating, and searching, and waiting, and experimenting with various techniques to unlock the things that have me feeling "stuck" for a little over 10 years. Recently, I had what I consider to be a breakthrough with a physician practicing Meditative Self-Healing, using guided imagery and imagination to create a mental space.
Since then, I have had MANY lightbulb moments, accompanied by what seem like bizarre random, sometimes blasphemous (perhaps) thoughts, and I'm trying to make my way through the process the best I can.
It seems difficult to determine whether a thought is mine, or comes from somewhere else, and it also seems difficult to peel out whether a thought is coming from my ego, or from my higher self. Some thoughts seem really big, and although I feel they are authentic most of the time, I sometimes wonder still if I'm just making it all up. I know that is somewhat ironic.
Anyway, back to the topic of this post. I have been having very random cathartic moments for at least the past 5-6 years. I cannot predict when these are going to occur, and they seem to lead me to past life experiences.
The most recent was today. I was cooking a pot of chicken soup for my family, and the song "Airplanes" by B.O.B. and Eminem came on. I know, weird already. Well, it caused tears to come to my eyes, and I almost immediately started crying at the thought of wishing for something and never taking action to make it come true. I knew that I had already been through that experience, perhaps many times, over many lives. I knew also that these experiences were painful, and it made me terribly sad, but also joyful that I know that now, and I haven't made those same errors this time.
Then, the catharsis escalated, and I had to go into another room to sit down, as I began to feel light-headed, kind of in good way, though.
After sitting down, the thought occurred to me that I was Judas Iscariot. I think this was probably more of a symbol than literal, but the tears poured, and I still feel some of it now as I write this. Great regret, shame and remorse at having done something so terribly wrong surfaced all at once. When it passed, of course I felt better, and lighter, and calm.
I don't know if these are normal experiences, and I haven't yet developed my vision to thee degree that I perceive vivid imagery in my mind and in my meditation, but the feelings, and the knowing, are very real, and very impactful.
I am glad to have read here that with continued practice, things generally become clearer and more detailed. However, I am also prepared for what I think might be a deep ocean of past memories and emotions, all of which I feel I need to understand in this lifetime.
Oh yeah, and I'm guessing that the need to understand everything all at once is probably somewhat normal too, right?
Thank you all for sharing here, and I look forward to learning more!!
Jeff
