Spirit Sword
Senior Member
I have come across an odd break in my pattern of behavior and was wondering what everyone thinks.
For those of you who do not know me, I have spent a lot of time at war. I have not come across a single past life yet which does not contain warfare at one point or another, although I have not yet had to fight in this life. I also have an extremely guilty conscience: the kind that still feels bad about something such as sneaking a piece of candy at age four.
As one might assume, these two factors combine in a way that causes issues. At times, I sink into sorrow thinking about every individual who has fallen to my blade or to my tactics. I know I had my reasons at the time, but that is never enough to assuage my guilt.
Well, it is almost never enough.
I recently did an audio regression, during which I uncovered a terrible piece of my past. I was standing outside of a church preparing to bring harm to someone within. While I did not see the action itself, I am almost certain the intent or the result was...well, fatal. Naturally, my modern thought processes kicked in and I demanded to know why I would do such a thing. “It is alright; he was a bad person,” was the answer I received. And I accepted it.
Usually, if I had come across such an event, I would never have let myself live it down. Taking life on the battlefield is bad enough, but the premeditated killing of a civilian is so much worse, no matter how "bad" of a person they are. Yet, as the memories continued to my attempted execution, I felt no guilt. Upon waking and these few weeks since, I have felt no guilt.
Why did my conscience decide to take a holiday when it comes to this event?
For those of you who do not know me, I have spent a lot of time at war. I have not come across a single past life yet which does not contain warfare at one point or another, although I have not yet had to fight in this life. I also have an extremely guilty conscience: the kind that still feels bad about something such as sneaking a piece of candy at age four.
As one might assume, these two factors combine in a way that causes issues. At times, I sink into sorrow thinking about every individual who has fallen to my blade or to my tactics. I know I had my reasons at the time, but that is never enough to assuage my guilt.
Well, it is almost never enough.
I recently did an audio regression, during which I uncovered a terrible piece of my past. I was standing outside of a church preparing to bring harm to someone within. While I did not see the action itself, I am almost certain the intent or the result was...well, fatal. Naturally, my modern thought processes kicked in and I demanded to know why I would do such a thing. “It is alright; he was a bad person,” was the answer I received. And I accepted it.
Usually, if I had come across such an event, I would never have let myself live it down. Taking life on the battlefield is bad enough, but the premeditated killing of a civilian is so much worse, no matter how "bad" of a person they are. Yet, as the memories continued to my attempted execution, I felt no guilt. Upon waking and these few weeks since, I have felt no guilt.
Why did my conscience decide to take a holiday when it comes to this event?