verbosewriter
New Member
WARNING: POTENTIALLY GRAPHIC.
Being a queer writer, I fell in love with an online romance. I've come to terms with the fact that I like pretty girls, but there's always the intimacy issue that arises.
Today, I was supposed to rest the entire afternoon and evening and throughout the morning, to no avail. I am very ill, but am able to still function. I just lost my voice earlier, so it's a good thing I'm writing.
I did a telephone communication with an intuitive healer, or it must have been when we met up in person, either way, she said that in my previous lifetime, the woman I was "in love" with years ago...let's call her "Lemon" (changing names)...she and I were lovers. She cheated on me, and when she was ill and asked for my help, I was so hurt that I didn't help her. I guess I am still affected by that?
Anyway, so she's long-gone out of the picture. Here's the raw "Honey" (name changed) I've been looking for. She claims that she's super busy and couldn't phone chat, and then brushes me off. I run from her. A few times, but every time, she's accepted me back. Not this time, of course. We were finally solid for a year. She made "empty" promises to visit, and then somehow, this online writer dedicates me a poem, so I go and say that I decided to let go of both and be a monk, because I never liked the word "nun" anyway.
There was only Honey, strong enough, to break up with me, I can never break up with her ever again. However, I fear that I accidentally did because I've become overwhelmed with work that I am ill. It just hit me that I "cheated" on her.
These are all online women. Every time I close my eyes, I see Honey all the time. I open them, I see Honey. Honey is haunting me. She tries to help me sleep, my fantasy of her, to no avail. I wish I can listen to her.
The pain of losing someone, because you cheated, felt by Lemon, I now feel. I wonder, I doubt that I'll see either one of them again...but...Lemon was in my previous life...and Honey was in that life's previous life as my lover, it was short and sweet. We had trust issues back then.
There's a reason why they're back, will I see them in the next? A local psychic predicts that I have many lifetimes to go, but I'm a well-developed soul. Old soul, indeed.
Honey taught me wisdom. Lemon taught me the acceptance of pain and loss. Who will teach me how to sleep when I can't breathe?
What's really funny is that if I want to see the psychic again, I have to only think about the present and future. The past was holding her in a weird spot.
I think it's holding me back. I can't imagine another lifetime after this. Even though I'm super sick, this is my best life thus far. I fell in love for all the right reasons and felt everything within a year.
I think uncertainty. Not being able to breath. Gawd, I wish someone can bonk me on the head and let me sleep!
I've really aged overnight. Gone from a naive girl to an old woman with diapers at the age of 32! I could have gone to the doctor's office, but I was too scared to drive. Only did I have to get lemon juice and raw honey, did I drive out. Made it back safely. Tomorrow, after work, I'm going to urgent care rather than being a doctor myself for the past few days. Yes, I plan on working because that's how dedicated I am. I'm doing in Honey's honor, because she told me, "Get to work on time."
Being a queer writer, I fell in love with an online romance. I've come to terms with the fact that I like pretty girls, but there's always the intimacy issue that arises.
Today, I was supposed to rest the entire afternoon and evening and throughout the morning, to no avail. I am very ill, but am able to still function. I just lost my voice earlier, so it's a good thing I'm writing.
I did a telephone communication with an intuitive healer, or it must have been when we met up in person, either way, she said that in my previous lifetime, the woman I was "in love" with years ago...let's call her "Lemon" (changing names)...she and I were lovers. She cheated on me, and when she was ill and asked for my help, I was so hurt that I didn't help her. I guess I am still affected by that?
Anyway, so she's long-gone out of the picture. Here's the raw "Honey" (name changed) I've been looking for. She claims that she's super busy and couldn't phone chat, and then brushes me off. I run from her. A few times, but every time, she's accepted me back. Not this time, of course. We were finally solid for a year. She made "empty" promises to visit, and then somehow, this online writer dedicates me a poem, so I go and say that I decided to let go of both and be a monk, because I never liked the word "nun" anyway.
There was only Honey, strong enough, to break up with me, I can never break up with her ever again. However, I fear that I accidentally did because I've become overwhelmed with work that I am ill. It just hit me that I "cheated" on her.
These are all online women. Every time I close my eyes, I see Honey all the time. I open them, I see Honey. Honey is haunting me. She tries to help me sleep, my fantasy of her, to no avail. I wish I can listen to her.
The pain of losing someone, because you cheated, felt by Lemon, I now feel. I wonder, I doubt that I'll see either one of them again...but...Lemon was in my previous life...and Honey was in that life's previous life as my lover, it was short and sweet. We had trust issues back then.
There's a reason why they're back, will I see them in the next? A local psychic predicts that I have many lifetimes to go, but I'm a well-developed soul. Old soul, indeed.
Honey taught me wisdom. Lemon taught me the acceptance of pain and loss. Who will teach me how to sleep when I can't breathe?
What's really funny is that if I want to see the psychic again, I have to only think about the present and future. The past was holding her in a weird spot.
I think it's holding me back. I can't imagine another lifetime after this. Even though I'm super sick, this is my best life thus far. I fell in love for all the right reasons and felt everything within a year.
I think uncertainty. Not being able to breath. Gawd, I wish someone can bonk me on the head and let me sleep!
I've really aged overnight. Gone from a naive girl to an old woman with diapers at the age of 32! I could have gone to the doctor's office, but I was too scared to drive. Only did I have to get lemon juice and raw honey, did I drive out. Made it back safely. Tomorrow, after work, I'm going to urgent care rather than being a doctor myself for the past few days. Yes, I plan on working because that's how dedicated I am. I'm doing in Honey's honor, because she told me, "Get to work on time."
