Tired Of Hiding Myself

[GalaxyDreamer90]

First of all sorry if I'm kind of ranting just got some bad news about the family today. Anyway I'm so tired of hiding who I am and what I believe in. Since I was really little whenever I voiced my opinion others would think I'm mental and had adhd and Autism just because my opinion wasn't the norm. Now I rarely voice my opinion because no one cares about it. I know people have the right to believe what they want but sometimes their beliefs are hurtful and shouldn't I have the right to my beliefs too without people thinking I have autism. I'm just really wishing right now I could be more open about my beliefs without the judgement of being labeled retarded. Also I'm getting tired of living up to others expectations of having an odd job that pays the bills and stuff in order to have a place of my own. I really want a more enjoyable job but why even bother applying for job that would be more enjoyable when people will somehow see my application and think I'm retarded and therefore reject me. Maybe I should just be my own boss and start my own business doing something I enjoy but not sure how. I'd rather spend my days playing video games and drawing then working at restaurant even if the pay is enough to afford a place of my own. I just want so badly to get away from society and its expectations but there seems to be no escaping society. I feel so trapped.

 

[baro-san]

I'd like to be able to give you an advice that would help you. I believe that most people have, at least from time to time, some frustrations with the others, me included.

It just happens that earlier today somebody posted a little story, that it is about living among others that think differently than you do.

Once there was a king who often consulted with astrologers on affairs of the kingdom. One day the astrologer predicted that on the seventh day there would be rain, and whoever drank water from then on would become crazy. The king didn't want to become crazy so he covered his well so that the rain would not go inside. Nobody else knew about this prediction. The rain came down, and as the astrologer predicted, when everyone drank the water, they all became crazy except the king. But as time went by, the way the king acted and what he said was very different from everyone else. People in the kingdom started calling the king "the crazy one". It seemed they might eventually plan to topple the king, and perhaps he was attached to his power. Out of such desperation to remain king, he drank the regular water, and he too became crazy, which was normal in the eyes of everyone else.

page 67 The Citadel of Awareness by Anam Thubten (Tibetan Buddhist), 2021

Surely, this is a simplistic story, designed to make specific points, that draws conclusions and makes recommendations that we may agree with or not. In any case, it could be a basis for pondering, even for a discussion.

I wouldn't drink regular "crazy" water. But, I also think that telling "crazy" people that they're crazy, won't "un-crazy" them, and won't make cohabitation easier. Faking it, potentially with no end in sight, would probably make you crazy too.

What would be the solution? I don't think that there is a reasoning solution. Fortunately, there is intuition, an incipient human feature most of us can't properly use, but that we could learn to, by turning inwards and tapping our own individual source of knowledge and guidance. The more you practice it, the better you get.

 

[GalaxyDreamer90]

Been having a rough time lately and just don't know what to do. Can't seem to get my boyfriends attention when I need it so I had to break up with him. In fact I was crying myself to sleep last night and what does he do absolutely nothing but watch YouTube. I ended up telling him this is exactly why we are breaking up. Then as if that isn't bad enough my mom is now mad at me for breaking up with my boyfriend and won't even talk to me now. If she didn't want me to break up with him she should of said something when I told her I was breaking up with him. I don't even know why she wants me to stay with him anyway. Honestly he can be so difficult sometimes. I try telling myself he's not slow just introverted and misunderstood but the fact that I can't get attention from him when I need it the most makes me wonder if he really is handicapped like he was diagnosed as a kid as. Sorry if I'm ranting again especially about my love life. Like I said been having a really hard time lately.

 

[There and back again]

I do forget which country you are in but if it is the states then I am not the least bit surprised by some of this given that there is still a lot of pressure for people to conform both in their personality and cognition in order to socially fit in never mind deal with the adult daycare that is most jobs. If it feels like being in high school all over again with the gossip along with endless back biting, social climbing, forced conformity then all I can say is start looking for something else especially if the bosses/management are complete sociopaths God forbid even worse.

 

[GalaxyDreamer90]

I really need to find a more enjoyable job but because others keep thinking I'm stupid and have autism I keep getting rejected for every job I apply for. I'm lucky to have the job I have but only got it because they will even hire high school students so basically they will hire anyone. I don't know how to get people to stop thinking I have autism which I don't have anyway. I guess people just think I have autism because I'm creative and refuse to conform. Maybe since I get rejected for every job I apply for I should start my own business. I have some skill in graphic design and art and enjoy drawing so maybe a business that has to so with graphic design or art. Still I know nothing about starting my own business but it seems like the best option.