I had a dream when I was 5 about being in a room full of other children who were all asleep and who were being taken somewhere. I was the only one awake and was trying to get out of the room. A scientist came in and carried me out of the room to a place with more scientists. One said "she didn't belong in there" and they put me in another room and I watched TV until I fell asleep. After waking up in my own bed, I started having this feeling that there was something deeper going on.
When I was in grade school, maybe 7 or 8 years old, I began to wonder "who I really was". I began to look at the people around me, even my own family, and realized that they were pretty much strangers to me, or at least to the "real" me. I remember finishing my work early and just watching the other students and wondering who they "really" were, what their pasts were like, what their futures would be, and whether or not they ever entertained such thoughts.
Throughout Jr. High I was certain I was losing my mind as I realized that no, most others were not entertaining such thoughts, and if I wanted to have any kind of normal life I'd better shut my mouth about it. It was maddening to be surrounded by strangers who seemed to be living only in the minute.
High school was very turbulent as we moved around a lot. So there I am with my destination being dictated by strangers. Honestly, if it wasn't for a series of very strange events I probably would have lost it. Genuine strangers approaching me out of the blue and handing me books to read (which were very helpful!), a vision through a grove of trees, and at one point spending an hour in the company of a homeless woman and her off-kilter world (that was a 2,000 year old flower she gave me, don't you know!) who had been a queen and didn't care that she was a "homeless babbling old fool now" (her words, not mine), because she had been a queen before and could be one again some day.
Even today, though, I feel I am surrounded by strangers for the most part.
