liberty
Member
Hi all, good to be back reading this awesome forum!
In the few months that I've tried self-regressions using audio recordings and other methods, I've not been able to access any past life memories. I've had several present-life early memories (very cool!) but nothing beyond birth. Then something happened...
I just re-entered the workforce. I'm a middle-aged stay-at-home mom of many kids, homeschooled them all until Jan. 2010 when I put the last two in public school and took the course/exam to become a certified nursing assistant. This is something I did before marriage, something I love and am well-suited for.
First day on the job, I made myself late, was a nervous wreck, shaking and stuttering and totally inept! Very weird behavior that bothered me and seemed to come out of nowhere. My boss noticed and called me afterward with pointed questions and a stern warning. I've done this to myself often during times of success or major transition. (almost flunked my state CNA exam for the same reason!) My mother used to say "you're defeating your own purpose", yet I never understood what she meant. I'm actually quite smart, genius level IQ, great student, voracious reader etc.
This incident so disturbed me, I went home that night to my meditation room and listened to a track on Roger Woolger's CD which is included with his book Healing Your Past Lives. I was determined to find out if a past life was responsible. The track is only 13 min. but OMG I actually WENT SOMEWHERE...
...it's black, very black... black shiny stone walls lit infrequently by candle or torchlight... I'm in a dungeon or a stone-walled room that never sees daylight. The walls could be shiny with moisture, not sure. Might be cold and clammy, not sure. Strong impression that I deserve to be there. (Question: Am I a martyr of some kind, locked up for unpopular beliefs, or.... am I a crazy person who has done very bad things..) I cannot see myself or anything else. I deserve to be there because of something I've done. I probably died in this black stone room. My thinking was very simplistic, almost child-like, but I was not a child.
I couldn't get beyond this scene, which was fine with me. It was so vivid and felt so important, I didn't push my subconscious for more details. I lay there after the track stopped and asked what the meaning was. Also gave my subconscious (and my past self) lots of love, lots of approval for revealing this information, encouraging it to reveal whatever may be of help to me now.
The thought came: What is the worst thing you might've done to deserve imprisonment in a dungeon for the rest of your life until you died? Answer: Perhaps I killed my children or my family. Perhaps I was a serial killer.
As soon as those thoughts came, I realized it felt 'right'. Once I accepted whatever I might have done, good or bad, with equal compassion and love, with no judgment, the ideas flowed a bit more freely.
I think I was criminally insane. That explains why I cannot remember much, and the simplistic thinking. The room was pitch-black, which explains why I cannot see anything else or see my body. I might be deaf. I don't remember any sounds but then again I wasn't there long enough to notice. The sense of 'deserving' this fate is more like a stark realization without any emotion. Whatever I've done, I have no remorse, no feelings.
Can't say I've gotten to the bottom of this yet, but it helps to face the possibility that I was the worst kind of offender and not stifle any memories that need to surface for my own healing.
After much reflection, I'm almost positive I DID kill my own children back then (or feel responsible for their deaths?), and perhaps I killed/was responsible for the death of others. It explains many things that affect me so deeply now. I've always been drawn to the most macabre stories even as a little girl. I end up on the internet finding out about the latest serial killer, trying to figure out what their thinking is like, what their home life was like, what processes shaped them into becoming such horrific bad guys. Their behavior can be understood if we look deeply at their growing-up years. They are sick, yes, but there is a recognizable pattern to their sickness.
I hope to have a masters in psychology in a few years.... wow, this sure throws more light on my current choices!! If I truly 'lived' that kind of life, then I'm acquiring the very healing skills needed to help the kind of person I was. I've become a loving mother, I'm open to whatever is in my past lives, and I'm excited by this adventure!
Perhaps this is the whole point of reincarnation. We often choose to come back as the very sorts of people we despised/feared in a past life, to walk in their shoes and learn compassion for every human failing. Once we are free of judgemental beliefs about our worst behaviours, no matter the circumstances, then we've accomplished a major karmic task.
In the few months that I've tried self-regressions using audio recordings and other methods, I've not been able to access any past life memories. I've had several present-life early memories (very cool!) but nothing beyond birth. Then something happened...
I just re-entered the workforce. I'm a middle-aged stay-at-home mom of many kids, homeschooled them all until Jan. 2010 when I put the last two in public school and took the course/exam to become a certified nursing assistant. This is something I did before marriage, something I love and am well-suited for.
First day on the job, I made myself late, was a nervous wreck, shaking and stuttering and totally inept! Very weird behavior that bothered me and seemed to come out of nowhere. My boss noticed and called me afterward with pointed questions and a stern warning. I've done this to myself often during times of success or major transition. (almost flunked my state CNA exam for the same reason!) My mother used to say "you're defeating your own purpose", yet I never understood what she meant. I'm actually quite smart, genius level IQ, great student, voracious reader etc.
This incident so disturbed me, I went home that night to my meditation room and listened to a track on Roger Woolger's CD which is included with his book Healing Your Past Lives. I was determined to find out if a past life was responsible. The track is only 13 min. but OMG I actually WENT SOMEWHERE...
...it's black, very black... black shiny stone walls lit infrequently by candle or torchlight... I'm in a dungeon or a stone-walled room that never sees daylight. The walls could be shiny with moisture, not sure. Might be cold and clammy, not sure. Strong impression that I deserve to be there. (Question: Am I a martyr of some kind, locked up for unpopular beliefs, or.... am I a crazy person who has done very bad things..) I cannot see myself or anything else. I deserve to be there because of something I've done. I probably died in this black stone room. My thinking was very simplistic, almost child-like, but I was not a child.
I couldn't get beyond this scene, which was fine with me. It was so vivid and felt so important, I didn't push my subconscious for more details. I lay there after the track stopped and asked what the meaning was. Also gave my subconscious (and my past self) lots of love, lots of approval for revealing this information, encouraging it to reveal whatever may be of help to me now.
The thought came: What is the worst thing you might've done to deserve imprisonment in a dungeon for the rest of your life until you died? Answer: Perhaps I killed my children or my family. Perhaps I was a serial killer.
As soon as those thoughts came, I realized it felt 'right'. Once I accepted whatever I might have done, good or bad, with equal compassion and love, with no judgment, the ideas flowed a bit more freely.
I think I was criminally insane. That explains why I cannot remember much, and the simplistic thinking. The room was pitch-black, which explains why I cannot see anything else or see my body. I might be deaf. I don't remember any sounds but then again I wasn't there long enough to notice. The sense of 'deserving' this fate is more like a stark realization without any emotion. Whatever I've done, I have no remorse, no feelings.
Can't say I've gotten to the bottom of this yet, but it helps to face the possibility that I was the worst kind of offender and not stifle any memories that need to surface for my own healing.
After much reflection, I'm almost positive I DID kill my own children back then (or feel responsible for their deaths?), and perhaps I killed/was responsible for the death of others. It explains many things that affect me so deeply now. I've always been drawn to the most macabre stories even as a little girl. I end up on the internet finding out about the latest serial killer, trying to figure out what their thinking is like, what their home life was like, what processes shaped them into becoming such horrific bad guys. Their behavior can be understood if we look deeply at their growing-up years. They are sick, yes, but there is a recognizable pattern to their sickness.
I hope to have a masters in psychology in a few years.... wow, this sure throws more light on my current choices!! If I truly 'lived' that kind of life, then I'm acquiring the very healing skills needed to help the kind of person I was. I've become a loving mother, I'm open to whatever is in my past lives, and I'm excited by this adventure!
Perhaps this is the whole point of reincarnation. We often choose to come back as the very sorts of people we despised/feared in a past life, to walk in their shoes and learn compassion for every human failing. Once we are free of judgemental beliefs about our worst behaviours, no matter the circumstances, then we've accomplished a major karmic task.
