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validating a life in the census

helz_belz

helz_belz

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OK, so many of you have probably been through something like this already, but last weekend I found someone on the 1911 census who matched pretty much everything I knew about my life at that time – right name, right date, right age, right regiment, (almost) right rank, right marital status. To be honest it has quite shocked me, even after allowing a few days to let it sink in. Am still coming to terms with it, I mean, that’s a big deal; this is what says ‘you weren’t imagining it, it wasn’t just made up’. But, I’m feeling pretty down about it, that name on the census and the thought that it’s all so ‘real’ now are playing on my mind. I think what I’d like to know is, does this get any easier? There are a few things I want to check up about this guy (like if he survived the War), but a part of me knows that I won’t be really surprised if it matches my memories and feelings, just like he matches everything else. I haven’t truly validated a life before, and yet now I’ve got someone who matches a lot of things that I knew from meditations and self-regressions. It’s just all very, I don’t know, too much to take in in a way. How did anyone else feel when they validated a life in this way? I can’t be the only one to have had such an emotional response to validating a life, I just want to cry…
 
It's an awe-inspiring moment! That moment when doubts can be cast away. Even then sometimes it can make your mind say "There's no way!" It can feel like it's too good to be true. I know the feeling, as I've had this happen to myself twice. It's an amazing feeling that can shut up that feeling of Reincarnation doubt!
 
I've validated a few of mine from Ancestry.com records, and felt as confused as you do. I think that I actually felt revulsion toward some of them. It took a good, long while to incorporate those identities into my self perception. I felt despair, and a sense of horror that I had to incarnate again. It all felt futile, somehow. Over time, that's gotten a lot better. Another member told me that I was being way too hard on myself. I will do for you what she did for me. Helz, you have made more progress than you think, and are dealing with a lot! You are being too hard on yourself! ;)
 
Thank you for the support and kind words everyone. Am feeling better about this today, but still pretty wobbly. Its all a bit like a strange dream that I’ve yet to wake up from.


Usetawuz : thank you, I wasn’t sure if I’d expressed myself well! Its good to know you understand :)


Widmo: Yes, at first I as just shocked, thinking ‘No way!’, then slipped into rationalising (it’s the wrong name, I haven’t looked hard enough, ‘me’ is still out there, this is the wrong guy), but I know deep down this is probably me. Once I’ve checked a few more things out, think that’s when it can finally sink in. Still in a touch of denial!


Argonne: Yes, that would be great to find a picture of him, would love that! He seems to have been a general career soldier, if there are any photos floating around out there though I doubt his name would still be attached to them after all this time. But I live in hope!


Briar: Thank you! Yes, I need to chill a bit. I know what you mean about the futility (this song kind of sums up how I’ve been feeling lately

), although I’ve had a lot of good things happen in my lives since the War, so it’s not all bad. Life is about the Journey, not the Destination. However, if this guy was me, then that means I probably really do have a lot of pretty nasty war memories hidden away, I hope they don’t show themselves unless I’m ready. It feels like I’m still at square one, which is odd considering I may have found ‘me’, but when I look back at my journal notes I realise I’ve actually come a long way, but this is the first big (shocking!) milestone (finding Anna's father aside). It’s going to take a while for this chap to become part of my self-identity, but he’s been a part of me as memories for about a year now, and as strange interests and obsessions for much longer, this is just the validation on the cake as it were :)
What’s funny is that the other day mum and I were talking about how, if any of our family were in the army now they’d never get past Private, and I thought to myself ‘Little do you know…’ ;)
 
helz_belz;230381 Yes said:
This was exactly how I felt - "That can't be me", and "I don't want to be that person". After a time, logic won, and I had to accept it. As for a photo, there was a "Ghost In My Child Episode" last night, where a young boy in the U.S. had been a Russian WWII colonel. His parents found a photo of their son's PL, and there really was a pronounced resemblance.
Click to expand...
 
It’s not that I don’t want to be him, I’ve known for a long time that I was very likely a Tommy in the War, but to actually see ‘my’ name and all ‘my’ particulars in cold, solid black and white on the census record seems to be a bit too much to take in. Up till now I could always tell myself it was all some kind of bizarre fantasy or other wish-fulfilment imaginings – I went out looking for this life, to explain the strange obsession I’ve got with the War that doesn’t fit with the rest of my personality, which always made me very sceptical whenever something relating to it came up in my meditations, I thought it was all based on my interest, a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy. But the census gives it to me straight, this guy, who has pretty much all the same details I’ve come across over the last year for my assumed PL, actually existed, and I’m not sure I could have imagined a ‘fantasy solider PL’ that actually matches a soldier who really lived and really served.


I’m going to check the AncestryUK records this weekend, there’s still a few questions I’d like answers to. Doesn’t help that my name at the time wasn’t particularly unusual, if I was looking for an Archibald McDuggan or Gerald Wilberforce-Smith, I might be more convinced :laugh: A little coincidence though is that I’ve just read the online story of a WW1 Victoria Cross recipient, who has the same first and middle names as ‘my’ first and surnames from my life then (that’s what confused me for so long, ‘my’ surname is more commonly a first name). Is this the Universe showing me I’m on the right track? Or am I just noticing rather common names that happen to be in the right sequence?
 
I agree with Argonne - the Universe is putting up street signs for you. I'm excited for you, Helz. Finding "yourself" does make the whole thing real, doesn't it? Reincarnation moves from a theory, or a fantasy, into something that has to be processed from an emotional point of view.
 
And so it moves from an imaginative theory to solid evidence of the inner workings of the Universe, complete with signposts! I never thought I would get this far! $P$
 
I'm a little late to this thread, Helz, I'm so sorry. I know you know this already, but I'll write it here officially.


I honestly didn't know what to do when I found "my" name on the census and it matched up exactly to within streets of where I expected her. And the right age too. I felt terrified, a little excited, a little sick, but mostly just desperately sad. I had a what felt like a rush of feelings from that life and it was all too much to take in. I was in a daze for a few weeks, very confused about who I was and what it all meant, but it settled down after a while. I still have moments when I think back on seeing that census at the end of last year, and the magnitude of it hits me all over again. And then I have days where I think it was a coincidence and I just plucked a name out of the air and got lucky with the location!


I'm so glad you got this validation, it's a special moment, no matter how disorienting it is initially. x
 
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