I seriously cannot wait until my next life.

[TheDivineOne]

First of all, before I begin, just so everyone reading this knows, I had not the slightest clue where to put this. I didn't want to put this in "Reincarnation Questions" since i'm not actually asking a question here (not one that i want the forum members to answer anyway), and the "Members' Lounge" is too chill for a topic like this. I just wanted to get my feelings out.

I've put much of my life on hold until after my transition. Aside from the whole "wrong gender" thing, there's much I don't like about my body. In any case, I feel like i've missed out on a whole lot, and that my youth has been savagely wasted... on basically nothing... and now i'm stuck feeling bitter about the whole thing. I'm stuck now with these feelings of eagerly waiting for my next life to have a shot at everything i've missed out on in this life, to get further in that life at a younger age and do, experience, and see more things than i did in this one. The thing is, I'm used to being young and so the older i get (i turn 27 on Sunday btw) the more angry and bitter i am about life... this life.

With the passage of time, i see smaller value of life. At the very least i see no value to this life and have adapted this cavalier attitude about living this one. I just now take things day by day [im]patiently waiting for it to be over and done with, dreading the prospect of being old and gray. I've recently learned that our negativities tend to carry over from one life to another and some people here might concur. Knowing that now (if it's true) just adds to the frustration.

Even in trying to do things that make me happy now, there is still the knowing that some of the things i really want in life are unattainable until my next life.

But then again i find myself torn in such a way that there are things i want to do, be, have, and experience in this life... sooner than later actually. But even in achieving them i'm still going to live the rest of my life bitter and angry that my life has been wasted.

 

[KenJ]

Happy Birthday TDO! Like everyone else, I can only relate your concerns to my own experiences. I have thus far refrained from expressing some of my thinking because I did not want to offend you. I still do not want to offend you, but want to give my life as an example of what you could do with your options.

Like you (and most people) we gave ourselves some difficult tasks in this lifetime, mine was the life-changing injury I have written about elsewhere. Although not the same as your position, but perhaps somewhat on a par with your troubles. I can not say that I always made the best choices, but the options that involved my body were pretty simple - keep what you have, it is the best you are going to get. I resisted the suggestion of amputating my left arm and the barbaric surgical procedure where the ball joint of the femur is removed and the leg is left structurally disconnected to stop the arthritic pain. Yes, both of those "procedures" were proposed to me to either stop the current pain or avoid it in the future. Yuck, enough of that, I just wanted to let you know what some people think of as acceptable!

Beyond the physical problems is the "fitting in with others" and self acceptance. We have the choice to accept the challenges that we gave ourselves or to rebel against them, I chose to take the challenge and try to live as complete a life as I could. I was remarkably successful, to the point I would have to remind people that I could not do the things that they invited me to do because they did not see me as being "disabled". I have known others who made a career of being helpless and "disabled" rather than take the course I chose - we all have choices. We can spend our lives wishing for this or that that we feel is either better or was taken from us, or we can make a life with what we have. I have an obvious bias, and it bothers me to see you let so much of your life pass by while keeping yourself miserable with your unhappiness.

Being bitter and angry is a choice just like accepting your body or making irrevocable changes to it. We can allow pain to defeat us or we can overcome it, we can see ourselves as unacceptable or acceptable, worthy or unworthy, happy or angry, etc. etc., they are all choices. This is more than likely not what you wanted to hear, but think about where your anger has gotten you.

Being old and gray, I can only offer what I've experienced, I hope that you can find something helpful in what I'm offering. I'm done, I won't post on your threads anymore.
Edit/add: I lack the objectivity that would be more acceptable on this issue - therefore I need to say no more.

Please be in peace with yourself.

 

[Native Son]

My very wise aunt always reminded me that; " we do not appreciate what we have until we lose it."

I think what she really meant was that we will never know what comes next for us, and that we should make the best of what we have now, because it can always get worse, rather than better. Besides, only God really knows if we are to live again. Live for today, for tomorrow who knows what will be? And even if we can be assured by other humans that we live again, they cannot assure us that it will be a better life. For it is a terrible thing to waste any life. But then again, agreeing with some here, it was meant for us to suffer, as well as to enjoy ourselves.

I can relate to KenJ's advice from the perspective to make the best with what you have been dealt in this life, as in a card game. Yet, a good poker player can win the pot with the worst hand dealt. Therefore bluffing is part of the game.....TDO, bluff your way to the end, as there is no getting around getting old, and the conditions it brings, as it is just part of the game of life, which we all choose when we come down here on earth. We are born to live and die. And there is a time to live and time to die, and I don't believe we get to choose when for either, as it is against the rules. And if you do not play out the hand you have been dealt, you will only return to play another hand. Only each subsequent hand you are dealt will be worse than the one you refuse to play with today.

LIVE FOR TODAY, AND LET TOMORROW BE!

 

[baro-san]

...

I believe that we incarnate to learn a very specific lesson, by experiencing. From this perspective, you willingly came here, into the situation you are, for a reason spun from one of your previous incarnations, most likely not the most recent one (time wise). I believe it would help you to try to find out what your current life lesson is. Once you realize it, your whole life should turn for better.

If you don't do it, you unnecessarily incur the risk to pile up negative traces through your thoughts, desires, and actions.

Good luck!

 

[TheDivineOne]

Happy Birthday TDO! Like everyone else, I can only relate your concerns to my own experiences. I have thus far refrained from expressing some of my thinking because I did not want to offend you. I still do not want to offend you, but want to give my life as an example of what you could do with your options.

Please don't worry. Nothing you've ever said offended me, and you haven't now. In fact, what i've quoted you saying below about not replying to me anymore makes me wonder if i've said anything to offend you in anyway. Thanks for the birthday wish, btw.

Beyond the physical problems is the "fitting in with others" and self acceptance. We have the choice to accept the challenges that we gave ourselves or to rebel against them, I chose to take the challenge and try to live as complete a life as I could. I was remarkably successful, to the point I would have to remind people that I could not do the things that they invited me to do because they did not see me as being "disabled". I have known others who made a career of being helpless and "disabled" rather than take the course I chose - we all have choices. We can spend our lives wishing for this or that that we feel is either better or was taken from us, or we can make a life with what we have. I have an obvious bias, and it bothers me to see you let so much of your life pass by while keeping yourself miserable with your unhappiness.

Being bitter and angry is a choice just like accepting your body or making irrevocable changes to it. We can allow pain to defeat us or we can overcome it, we can see ourselves as unacceptable or acceptable, worthy or unworthy, happy or angry, etc. etc., they are all choices. This is more than likely not what you wanted to hear, but think about where your anger has gotten you.

The thing is though, making those "irrevocable changes" is the only way I could ever be happy. I guess i have no choice but to accept it... and it's not that I didn't need to hear it. It's just that at times the anger really gets the best of me, at which instance, I feel it's easier for me to just let myself feel that anger and bitterness. Knowing they are "irrevocable changes" makes me a little happier though. I guess you are right though in the sense that being angry hasn't gotten me much of anywhere but i find that as i let myself feel whatever i feel in the moment makes it easier for me to manage.

I'm done, I won't post on your threads anymore. Please be in peace with yourself.

Why? I sure hope you'll reconsider that but it's your prerogative and i can't get you to change your mind but I'd love for you to rethink that.

To the other two who replied:
I'm not being sarcastic but i'm starting to like being reminded to live for now, for the life I have right now. But I always felt like since I'm going through this now and that I hate it -- that's why I want to reincarnate so much and experience what that other life is like. Think of it this way: your favorite singer is performing at a local concert. You — and a bunch of other concertgoers — have VIP backstage passes to meet that performer in person. Despite this, the singer's bodyguards, for whatever reason decides not to let you go backstage to meet the singer. Of course you'd be angry and upset but you also may think to yourself, "this singer will perform at a concert here again in the future, maybe then I'll get to meet them backstage." So let's just say the performer's next concert is your only chance of your dream of meeting them and so you look forward to their next concert for that reason. Haven given you this analogy now can you see how I feel regarding my current situation? And why i put so much focus and energy into my next life because of it?

 

[tanguerra]

LIVE FOR TODAY, AND LET TOMORROW BE!

You grow wise grasshopper. I'm liking it.

Haven given you this analogy now can you see how I feel regarding my current situation? And why i put so much focus and energy into my next life because of it?

TDO - your youth, your health... these are prizes beyond measure to be cherished. Life! It's a gift. Live it. Even if it's not perfect, so what? Do the best with it that you can. Worry about next life next time. There is plenty of time. One step at a time. That's the trick to it. Easy to say. Hard to do. I know.

 

[tanguerra]

I guess you are right though in the sense that being angry hasn't gotten me much of anywhere but i find that as i let myself feel whatever i feel in the moment makes it easier for me to manage.

It's tough TDO. Life can be tough sometimes. It's annoying, but getting all uptight doesn't make it any less tough.

Expressing anger is OK. Feeling frustrated is OK. Nobody here can answer all your questions. We can only do our best to try to understand and talk about it, based on our abilities. We're all here listening, trying as best we can to help and lend comfort where we can.