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A japanese boy

Hi rynen,

Last night it happened again and the view zoomed on the huge car which caused my death.
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Perhaps there is a certain significance with the car. If you were playing close to home -- is it possible you could have known the driver?

What's the difference for me to know that car is said"kuruma" in Japanese and is right to me, but car in French (my today's native language) or, German, or English felt wrong or brought only indifference in me as if car can only be associate with the "japanese" word?
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It sounds like a good validation, to me. Your soul resonates with kuruma -- because you were Japanese. It was a kuruma that killed you -- not a car, auto or voiture. It makes sense to me -- that you would feel something more when hearing the Japanese word. ;)


Hi Deborah,

I definitely remember -- from a child's perspective. Sometimes I find it amusing to read through my journals, because I find I write down my memories in very simplistic, childlike terms. :D


Aili
 
A lovely story.

I wonder whether it's possible to search Japan's road accident statistics for the late '60s/early '70s, by age of victim?

Bit of a needle-in-haystack, but worth it from the point of validation...

Michal
 
front of the car,familiar street

Perhaps there is a certain significance with the car. If you were playing close to home -- is it possible you could have known the driver?

I doubt it, because the zoom was on the front part of the car not the window. The car itself was big in my eyes. Wouldn't I have focused on the window if I had known the driver? By the way, I was walking with my parents when I ran after the ball.: angel It it has been close to home i can't tell. I just know that we used to take this path ( this street) quite often. It was familiar to me.

As you can see to quote cause me a lot of trouble..again. When i quote and comment, and push the submit button it always states that my message is too short by 2 characters. I lenghten it and it's still the same problem coming up!! SO does someone have an explanation for it?:butbut:
 
When i quote and comment, and push the submit button it always states that my message is too short by 2 characters.
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That happens to me sometimes, too -- usually if I am copying and pasting from a word document. It doesn't seem to read it properly.




Ailish
 
A few days ago I visited an exposition about the forgotten, sunken treasures of Egypt. There I saw a sculpture of Caesarion, son of Cleopatra 7th and Julius Caesar. While looking at it I had a strange vision which had so nothing to do with Egypt I wonder how this sculpure could have been the cause of my vision.
I saw a window (or a mirror?!) and in it my parents. As a 4th year old I barely remember the way they look. Some details I didn't remember before (in the accident I only remember my parents legs , hands , voice and my feelings for them) . They were looking at me with a small smile as if they were pleased or indulgent towards me. One, I think my father, was wearing big glasses on his nose. And ...a strange feeling...I felt so little and lost without them. I extended my right arm towards them as if to say :" come back and take me in your arms". And I was sure they would come to take me in their arms like they always did. And my arms were so little, and my hands and fingers so tiny. I even felt anxious that they would abandon me and lost. I felt my lips quivering. And was about to cry from frustation and anger. Why didn't they come.
Then it stopped. In there I really felt like a baby or a really small child grasping for my parents, not understanding why there weren't there. They were the focus of my entire being.
Guess I was perhapst a bit younger than 4 then. Because that was really a small child's behaviour, especially my feelings: this exclusiveness.....

Did it really trigger something , was it really a vision? To me it was. How much is symbolic?? I guess the part of the mirror. Me seing them in a mirror. They were higher set than me as if they were looking down on me from a higher position. For example, parents looking down on a child in a cradle, bending down to have a better look at their child or see if it is sleeping well.
 
I somehow am excited since in my recent dream I discovered that my 4 year old self had a brother. But it's difficlut to say who of us was older.
That piece got my attention since it started with a road and an accident again. Only this time I was my present self and someone was holding me , helping me to cross the street unharmed. I knew it was my brother. Somehow I only got to see his stomach since it was raining and his clothing was dishelved. In the dream I was an adult ,more or less, the same size as him but my vision was stuck to his stomach, as if my sight vision only reached that eye level, as if I was still a child.
Strangely I felt it overlapped with what happened to me as 4 year old boy. I guess what matters is the brother part. i didn't see him. Only felt him helping me cross the street and his voice. And I wouldn't have paid attention to this matter if it wasn't for the street crossing in a hurry to avoid being hit by a car.

So, seems I had a brother. Perhapst an elder one. Since he helped me. But who knows he also could have been younger. But then before I only saw myself with my parents. Never was there any other child.
 
That's interesting, Rynen! I wonder why you never saw him before?

You'll have to keep us updated -- let us know if you find out anything more about your brother. :D



Ailish
 
I'll try to write it down better and try to analyze it. My previous post was written in a haste.

In this life I have two younger brothers.
The scene of crossing the street and me knowing about the road and an accident is in my opinion to make me aware that it has to do with my death part.
Then my brother (an adult) hauling an injured me (I have a head injury, there is blood , and I feel weak, I have difficulties to concentrate on walking and on the road we cross). Even if I cannot distinctly see my brother he takes the appearance of the elder of my two younger brothers (i will call him Tom) of this life. But I have a strong feeling in the dream that this is not really Tom. I feel as if since I cannot decipher my brother's true appearance of back then I use the one of Tom. Being the only option to make me understand to point me having had a brother.
For as why we are crossing a road and why I'm hurt I can't figure out why.
I think the reason for me to look at my brother's stomach, is I think because I'm still a child, a child who can't look above my brother's stomach, since it's the most I can look up to.

Except for this the only clue I have about him, is just that he was Japanese. Well, that's logic since our parents and I were Japanese,too. But I feel embarassed that several memories I have are always tied back to Japan. When I read my posts it really looks like I'm obsessed with Japan,or else that my memories with that country are really important for me. And honestly those last years it has almost exclusively always been about Japan. Rarely about another country. And I say "rarely" because on a few occasion I didn't know which country it belonged to. SO it makes me wonder.....
 
When I though back again of my brother, I saw an alley with lodgings. And on the right a house. I tried to hold onto this memory but I couldn't and it was difficult to summon it back.
Nothing more. A bit disapponting for a post. Ah, well information here and there that's the way to bring a puzzle to its completion, isn't it?!
I think if anything else pops up, I'll continue writing it in this post since it's shamefully short.
 
Of Chinese descendants

A dream I don't know if I shall put in parenthesis or not?!
I just arrived in a huge house.Old style. Not so far into the past. My Chinese grandmother is awaiting me. She's displeased that my father took a foreign wife. With foreign I do not mean European, American or Caucasian in any way. Foreign as you would say of a country situated next or not far away from yours. That was the feeling I got. I also felt that my mother was a foreigner. I guess she must have from a neighboring country somehow. Seems it still was an Asian country.
What struck me that my grandmother had still black hair tied back in a complicated hairstyle, wearing very tight robes. With a stern face. She was checking me out as if to see how much Chinese blood I had inherited. Seems I somehow met her approvement for she allowed me, her grandson, further into her house. I had long dark hair, only held back by a leather string. I was a young man of at least 17.

Two things struck me about the house very much. So much in fact that I kept repeating in my head during the whole night I 'm not allowed to forget this. It's very important !!! The result was I dreamt on about it for the rest of the night till I woke up. And my first impulse was to write it down because it's very important and I must not forget about it!
So, The first thing was a huge traditional cabinet. It was quite tall. Made of a dark wood. Something like dark red (perhapst cherry wood?). Yet it was carved and remained simple. It also looked refined and restrained. It was placed on the floor against a wall. I recently saw one in a museum. It looks a bit similar from the shape but the carvings were different. It was an antique if I was to consider the museum's scripture. Perhapst from the Ming or Qing Dynasties. I guess their purpose was to store things away. Not only clothes, sometimes also other things. But since it was not placed in the kitchen i guess it was not storage for food. If anyone is knowleadgeable about those things I'd appreciate any comment very much!
The other thing was that her house, in my dream, was more like a mansion but the funny thing is it was elevated and place upon sticks as if to prevent the sea to reach the house. Like I saw once on some tropical islands. Only it reinforced the foundations of the house made of solid wood and the house itself was very strong and resistant. Now I'm wondering what type of house of that style, would exist standing on poles? I knew there was also a long wooden boardwalk I used to run on and I could see and hear the sea washing over under me.
 
An addition about Yasuo. Recently a detail found its way in my dream. I still see the road, me running after the ball. But to the left is a high set "bridge" which enables people to "cross the street" without really having to actually cross the street. Instead they are walking above the street. A dark colour. Feels familiar. A very small detail which came up after I had a fight with my mother. SOmehow this fight made me take notice of some things in my dream that didn't stick out to me before, because I was used to them.

Another thing: it felt like end 60s , beginning of the 70s. Then I read that the first skycrapers were built around 1974 making me wonder why my feeling was so off the mark. Yet my first statement felt more right that this info. As if I didn't found all the informations that could be found about it. So I searched again and indeed found something:

"Skyscrapers are a relatively recent phenomenon, dating only from the completion (1968) of the 36-story Kasumigaseki Building just south of the government ministries. Until then, aesthetic and engineering considerations had kept buildings to a maximum of about 10 stories, but there soon blossomed a number of high-rise structures, all purported by their builders to be earthquake-resistant." ( Encyclopaedia Britannica).

This bit of article is talking about Tokyo. So it's as early as 1968. After all my feeling wasn't that wrong after all!
 
Interesting Buntaro. What kind of work did you do there?!

While taking a nap and rethinking about the recent incident, I wondered if I'd be able to find something about this brother of mine. Strangely, it was only after thinking about the name "Yukimasu" that when I closed my eyes, I saw myself floating above what was my past life. From above I could only see our dark hair. I was maybe a 3 year old boy sitting inbetween my brother's legs. He was barely older, maybe 5 or 6. We both were wearing bermudas. He was holding me tight and tried to teach me a game. There were several piles with differrent colours, I clearly remember the colour green and black but the rest of the colours were lost to my memory. And honestly I don't know what those objects were which were piled up. The piles were lying between my legs and I was trying to get the hang out of it. Trying to put the objects to the right colour.

He seemed like a very caring boy, at least responsible because we were playing alone.
On our right was a room, maybe the bathrrom, behind us another room. Both rooms had their doors wide open.
He and I were sitting on the ground playing. And it felt like the first floor. So either we were living in a first floor house or it was an apartment located on the first floor.
 
"Yukimasu" bothered me. It came through to me as a verb and not a name. So I tried to see what was right. And I found out that "yukimasu" is a verb indeed and means "I/you/WE/THEY..... go/are going/ were going, in short the verb is "go".

Guess I'll have to give it up as one of the stranger things who came up along the way without any idea what's the purpose of that word.
 
~*-,._.,-*~'`^`'~*-,._.,-*~'`^`'~*-,._.,-*~'`^`'~*-,._.,-*~'`^`'~*-,._.,-*~

Rynen-san!

Yuku/yukimasu is definitely the verb to go. (I especially hear it being used when I sing karaoke!)

I was an English teacher on the 13th floor of the Kasumigaseki Bldg. (Being an English teacher is the easiest job -- and about the only job -- Americans can get in Japan.)

Good luck on working with your memories.

Yoroshiku onegai itashima~~~~su!

Buntaro yori....
 
Very interesting Rynen (and Buntaro).

He was holding me tight and tried to teach me a game. There were several piles with differrent colours, I clearly remember the colour green and black but the rest of the colours were lost to my memory. And honestly I don't know what those objects were which were piled up.
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I wonder what the game was you were playing with your brother? Perhaps if you could describe the shapes of the coloured objects - were they sticks, or tiles, or round or...? There were many elaborate children's games which came and went in fads in the 1960s (the peak baby boomer years) and I bet I or someone else on the forum might recognise it. It is just a minor detail, but maybe fun.

Do you feel any major patterns coming through from these memories? Do you recognise any of the people who may be in your life now?
 
The coloured objects were little, the size of marbles. The shape wasn't round, more like with several edges. And I was sorting them out by colours. Each colour has its own pile.
i guess it was before starting the game. What comes to my mind while recalling it again is that it may have been a construction game. You know put them together to form something.

And my elder brother is the only I feel may be back in this life. But I hadn't seen him till now. I might find him later, who knows.
 
Just now, while taking a shower, I was staring at the shower curtains. It's green. Then some form of flash back hit me:
two different pictures.

In the first one I'm in a bookshop with my mother. She's looking around and talking to the man who takes care of the books. I'm left in a corner where what seems to be children's book but I have no interest in them. Only a few catch my attention because of the pictures. I like pictures and colours.
My mother is walking further away with the man who is showing her some other books while still explaining things. I watch them walk away, leave the corner I am in , hide myself a bit and tentatively try to see where they are going or moreover how far away my mother is going.
I can see that my hair looks differently than when I had the accident. It's longer, in the back of my neck and shorter on the top and in the front, no longer falling into my eyes. I'm wearing dark trousers and a red "overall" (I really don't know what it is; it looks like a pullover but there are some motives on it: twigs, falling leaves or flowers or maybe it's falling snow, and I think a serpent. It's blurry. But somehow....that motive of my "pullover" was what made me remember. When I looked at the motive on the shower curtains (which have nothing to do with the pullover motive), I remembered a motive on something else which was a material of a dark red colour with a certain motive.
And while watching my mother, I recall clutching to a big bear (teddy bear) for a while.

The second one is still about me as Yasuo. I'm looking out of a window from the inside of a building. The sight is that of a first floor building. Out of the window the sky is clouded, slightly dark and I can see other houses. No skyscrapers. Some come off as white, others as made out of wood.

Two memories of Yasuo. The first one took be by surprise. I thought memories may give me some rest but here they are back. I wonder which age I might then have been? But short they were. A few minutes for the first one and far less for the other one.
 
:eek: Wow, I was reading you topic:thumbsup:. Very interesting, I love japanese culture.

About your vision in the shower

I'm wearing dark trousers and a red "overall" (I really don't know what it is; it looks like a pullover but there are some motives on it: twigs, falling leaves or flowers or maybe it's falling snow, and I think a serpent.
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I think you were wearing a Yukata, from what I had read that is like a kimono but it have two parts. The "falling snow" maybe its the flowers of the Sakura Tree (Cherryblossom tree). The serpent could be a Dragon.

Keep us posted:thumbsup:
 
bamboo forest and waterfall woman


The shower seems to become the place where my visions are coming from.? It's the second time now.


This time I saw a nacked woman with very long hair, the type going all the way to your calves and it was covering a good part of her body. i could only see one of her breasts but the rest was hidden by the wet hair hanging like a thick curtain in front of her. It was so very dark and shiny. It looked like she was taking a "shower" outside like you can by a waterfall. She had a cunning look on her face. At first surprised to have spotted me, as it seemed I was still partially hidden by some bushes and some high bamboo plants (this one is very clear: the bamboo is metre high; I know that bamboo forest do exist but I only heard of them in China or the continent; did they also exist in Japan?!) and then a small knowing smile on her lips. I was expecting her to try to cover herself and get away since a man had seen her nacked. But she remained where she was, still washing her hair, watching me from the side.


She was what one would call those doll-like but without this seeming innocence. No girl, a self conscious woman.


And I was also astonished to find such a woman here, in this place. This is where the vision ends.
 
I dreamt something pleasant, or so it's how it starts. I 'm sleeping in someone's lap and it feels really warm. I open my eyes, and see Chiaki. He's holding my head on his lap and an air of peace surrounds him, envelopping also me. He has a white very large overall cloth worn upper cloth and ample sleeves. Then I can see something dark on top of his hair, "a hat" or a "hairstyle"?! Funny thing is his hair is not shaved at all, not even the least bit.
 
Thalia said:
:eek:
I think you were wearing a Yukata, from what I had read that is like a kimono but it have two parts. The "falling snow" maybe its the flowers of the Sakura Tree (Cherryblossom tree). The serpent could be a Dragon.


Keep us posted:thumbsup:
Click to expand...
I found this site very informative:http://web.mit.edu/jpnet/kimono/kimono-child.html


I quote from that site:


"Kimono for children are shaped and styled much like those for adults, but are almost always in bright patterns and prints. Children typically wear fancy kimono for special festivals and visits to local shrines on holidays."


So when I was in that bookshop with my mother it wasn't a strange thing for me to wear a bright coloured "overall", since for boys it's a two part kimono: trousers and the upper part. So maybe darker tone of trousers and this red colouring upper part with the pattern. For example look at the boy standing in the middle of the first picture.


"For example, "7-5-3 Day" is on November 15 each year. Boys who are 3 or 5 and girls who are 3 or 7 dress up in kimonos to go the temples to pray."


"March 3 is Girls' day and May 5 is Boys' day."


So maybe I was 3 then. And we were stopping at a book store before going to the temple?!


Somehow I feel relieved to have found those pictures because I couldn't figure out an upper cloth which also looked like an overall in that way. But here it fits just fine. :)


More info I found:


"kimonos for children, also called miyamiri-ji, are purchased for a child but worn for the first time(when the child in 30 days old) by the grandmother carrying the baby in her arms. The ubugi/miyamiri-ji is tied over the shoulders of the grandmother and draped down across the baby. Then baby and grandmother, along with the child's parents set off for the temple to have the baby blessed. Years later, the child will wear this garment for the 3-5-7 Ceremony. Each miyamiri-ji is hand painted and embroidered on the back of the kimono with auspicious symbolic designs appropriate to the sex of the child. Miyamiri-ji for girls are in pastel colors with designs such as flowers, cranes and pine tree symbols. Boys symbols include jumping koi (fish), samauri, dragons and eagles, etc."


Concerning the serpent you are right. It looks more like a dragon than an actual snake, what troubled me was the colour of this dragon, perhapst why I mistook it for a snake: its luscious almost olive green skin.
 
strange occurance- blending


I have to mention something which happened to me today.


Usually when walking home I pass a children's playground. Sometimes a few children can be seen still playing there, but most times not. This time when the sun started to set two children were there playing. Making noises while playing made me look at them. One boy and a girl around the age of 8. I watched them play a bit. Somehow when my eyes came to rest on the little boy playing I felt sudden and very strong emotions grip me from inside and for a few seconds I was unable to breathe as if I was panicking or something. I had to sit down on a near bench and I was breathing hard to get enough air into my lungs. And I felt anger and rage, a burning rage, sorrow and jealousy at that little boy. One part of this was directed at the boy but most of it at myself.


"Why is he allowed to have what I have not? " It was as if the little boy I had been back then (Yasuo, my old self (past life) was expressing his emotions, thoughts...through the body of a grown man (my present self). Using what a grown up might have learned over the years (I have not much though being 25 now) combined with the feelings and view of a child.


"Why did I have to die?


Why couldn't I live the life I chose? (Here I have to say I wondered afterwards and still do why I did use the word "chose" in my mind)


Why is he allowed to be taken home and cared for by his mother?


Why did I run after the ball without looking out on the street? Why could he grow up and I not? ( I was 4 when I died and that boy reached this age a few years ago ( he's around 8)."


Same thoughts - those quoted above are just a few of them -


running through my mind. Anger at myself. I told myself to stop searching for a reason and stop being angry out of the blue at a boy for being alive. It never happened to me before: I saw the boy I had been, the way I looked in tears, and the man I'm now, both pictures blending together in front of my eyes.


And I felt tears on my cheeks, wet they were. Still I wondered what are those tears for? It was as if my adult mind couldn't understand why my past child self cried for something which happened more than 30 years ago. And I let out a cry of rage. The children were gone by now, and I was still sitting on that bench lost in my thoughts and emotions. Luckily no one heard me. I must have sounded like a fool.


My thoughts were still racing, the rage abated a bit and grief overtook my mind. Still it's as if I could only exist through those emotions, as if they were the proof of my existance, as if I needed to think this to make it clear to me that the little Japanese boy I had been is still there. Not gone. And that he needs to be aknowledged, not forgotten.


And it stopped all at once. That was pretty intense and makes me feel really uneasy. Maybe I need some healing concerning that life. Maybe my death cut me short where I wanted to go on, at least deep enough to bother me in this life.


That blending of past and now was eery. I need to give it more thought to come up with a reason why it burst out now of all time. (Especially now everything couldn't be any better with my life).
 
Hi Rynen,


I think it's natural for those of us who remember previous lives to grieve a little bit for the loss of who we were. Once we accept and acknowledge those lives - and the circumstances surrounding them - it is easier to release those emotions from our system.


I think it's important to know where you came from - it's all part of your soul's journey - but is also important to be focused in the here and now. What we do now is what will ultimately create future situations for us. We can better focus on the present - when all of those limiting emotions like anger, fear and grief are released. Of course - it can be a bit of a difficult trek, but it's worth it. ;)


I'd suggest trying to see that lifetime from a different perspective - instead of being focused on that final moment, and what you didn't get to achieve in that life -- take yourself back to other times with your family. Analyze your memories -- see what lessons you learned and how you can apply them in a positive way to your present life.


If you feel you need help dealing with your memories - then perhaps consider seeing a professional regressionist who can help you through your thoughts and emotions - into healing.


There are also several excellent threads on the forum you'd probably enjoy reading. Here are a few:


Can the soul "Heal" from past life trauma & fear?


Deep Memory Process


Memories & Healing


Mending the Past and Healing the Future -- Soul Retrieval


Best of luck,


Ailish
 
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Otousan (Father)


Thanks for the prompt answer Ailish. To be honest to read your opinion calmed me down, even if I know that the present is the most important thing. The past nevertheless has still a grip on me I can't seem to get so easily rid of. Even when I try to forget, things like explained before might happen to make understand that I shall not forget but not dwell forever on the past either. This swing between past and present in its extreme forms happens a lot. When I remember I'm often unable to take control over those emotions and thoughts. They appear as strong as ever as if I'm reviving everything all over again - bad and good things which happened during those lives or simply just facts. I think I'll be able to learn to travel the middle road, neither totally cast aside, neither living for the past. To learn this will take an awful lot of time but it's important.


I realized one thing too. Concerning regrets, I remember always regretting that my current father isn't as knowledgeable in many different fields and somehow quite wise as my father has been during a few lives, one time he was some kind of scholar, another very experienced and teaching me to do a lot of things and sometimes waiting for me to find the truth of a statement on my own, furthering it afterwards with more details. During those times it was as if you are in your own world trying to decipher things that are going to make you grow. A selfish regret. I often wondered why because my present father knows lots and lots of things but the approach to explain things and expectations are set differently. Only now do I come to realize it. I'm glad I made such a simple discovery now, because it explains quite a few things.
 
Glance into the past


A vision surprised me today. Since it has been quite hot lately and no air conditioning far and wide, I dozed off. And I forced myself to open my eyes again, turning them toward the computer again. I had to work after all. But I kept feeling my eyes getting heavy with sleep.


I looked outside the window. The sun was hidden behind clouds, darkening the landscape, heavy set clouds. I noticed my eyes slowing closing against my will. But before falling asleep, my eyes flew open. I had seen something in front of me. Indeed there it was again.


My mind conjured up a room, dark. "Why dark? I thought.In the scene happening in front of me the heavy set clouds outside the window had freed some drops of rain. My eyes were glued to a boy, maybe highschool age sitting at a desk. First I only have a view from behind. The details on the side of the room is blurry. A wooden desk like it is custom in the West. The boy has black hair reaching to the nap of his neck. He is dressed in black, it looks like a stiff black school uniform. With stiff I mean those high collars. The scene focuses then on his hand writing something on paper. Seems he is right-handed. Scraching with a pen is a more apt description. A Japanese pupil. This is his room, poorly light. A western style room, at least concerning the window and the desk. The feeling I have is the 1920s/1930s. I can see his back again, him writing. He seems familiar. "Ichizuki", I whisper. The room seems familiar, so is he. Again I feel myself say" Ichizuki". " Here it ends.


When such scenes occur I´m always flabbergasted by the warm feeling spreading through my body. That´s what I like the most because it´s as if I'm discovering another part of me which was forgotten. Makes no sense of course, but wel....somehow it´s psychologically gratifying, if I may say so.
 
Hello Rynen - good to hear from you again :)


Thanks for sharing your experience. I am always amazed by the detail of your memories.
 
Hello Rynan..


It is wonderful to discover feelings that are difficult to relate to. I like to look at those feelings in regards to my life now. Looking for the things that attract me, reflects on those things that I was not able to tap into in my present upbringing because of my environment I was born into, or because of other experiences in other lives .


Was there anything about this boy that you felt attracted to??


I use several meditations. One is , I let myself be quiet and let words come to my mind. Even if those words may not make sense to begin with, in time I find some answer to some of the emotional blocks that are holding me back.


soulfreindly
 
Was there anything about this boy that you felt attracted to??


My attention was foremost caught by the sky filled with low hanging clouds, the same as the day I had the vision. Then also by the black uniform and the pen the boy used.


I was touched by the fact he was sitting at an "desk ". But what I have been attracted to : the nap of his neck.


I felt I had come back, a picture frozen in time. Don`t ask me why.


Out of place that I didn't felt there. A missing piece has just completed a bit further the jigsaw puzzle my inner world is.


Warmth, disbelief of me uttering the name "Ichizuki"; that last fact makes me wonder why disbelief. Was I surprised to see him appear in front of me? Not really. What took me by surprise was hearing myself say it.
 
Colours and a grandmother


As usual most memories come to me through dreams I recall on the next morning. At least those which make a deep impression on me and stir something within me.


Today I remembered it. Amusing how it always strucks me when I can't seem to recall anything.


It's very vague: I'm drawn to a magic square. It looks like that one (http://www.amazon.com/Old-Brand-No-599-Magic-Square/dp/B000OENHZC) just with more different colours. Somehow there is dread. I feel myself being pulled back in time.


And I am in a room with my grandmother. But I can't see her face, because we live in a small space. Only her white hair in a bun is visible. She's of small stature compared with today's usual growth. SHe's carrying something on her back (Maybe she's holding and nursing an infant or a child.). I'm standing next to her. I look dirty. My face remains also for me a mystery. Can't tell if I'm male or female. It feels a century not so long ago (Like I said it's pretty vague): either 20th or 19th century.


Afterwards I thought about the magic square because it's a modern toy.. Still the colours bothered me. There used to be so much more colours on it. So I googled on the internet and found something which "might" be what I've been looking for.


http://www.temari.com/history.htm


I think my mind mixed modern elements in here too. So the magic square becomes a temari. Possible considering the colours: what imprinted itself strongest on me where the colours blue, green and red and my feeling telling me it's a toy, probably a present from grandmother.
 
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