A police sergeant's memories
- Thread starter Tinkerman
- Start date
Hello Kstornado, Deborah and Hammy...thank you all for your kind words, encouragement for sure. It seems as times flows, I have less time to connect here on the forum. I've been faced with a lot of new challenges since my trip out west...good ones, but time consuming.
I have been encouraged, alot lately, to continue my writing. I was asked recently if I had some ideas in the works. I think the wild grin on my face made them think I was up to something...if they were only CPL members they'd see. This was one person "out of the closet" was not a positive option...yet they are one of my loyal readers. I chuckle at what they will say if and when I do put it to paper.
So I'm at some crossroads and weighing the options...and most of all enjoying the ride. I'm blest with great friends here, and that too is part of the story. I look forward to meeting you all someday...some life!
Tman
I have been encouraged, alot lately, to continue my writing. I was asked recently if I had some ideas in the works. I think the wild grin on my face made them think I was up to something...if they were only CPL members they'd see. This was one person "out of the closet" was not a positive option...yet they are one of my loyal readers. I chuckle at what they will say if and when I do put it to paper.
So I'm at some crossroads and weighing the options...and most of all enjoying the ride. I'm blest with great friends here, and that too is part of the story. I look forward to meeting you all someday...some life!
Tman
HI Tman,
I see you on line from time to time and am glad you are still around. I do hope you write about your experiences and get it published. You have a way with words that speaks volumes. By that I mean - in a very short space, a paragraph or two -- your personal experience touches the hearts of others.
So what are you up to? I would love to meet you someday - if you ever come to California...let me know.
I see you on line from time to time and am glad you are still around. I do hope you write about your experiences and get it published. You have a way with words that speaks volumes. By that I mean - in a very short space, a paragraph or two -- your personal experience touches the hearts of others.
So what are you up to? I would love to meet you someday - if you ever come to California...let me know.
Deborah,
Thank you again for your kind words and encouragement.
Yes I do try to keep up on the forum as much as possible. I love the new creative section. To me the renderings of the soul are most tangible in our art and writing. Poetry, painting, sculpting, photography etc speak the language of heart. The creative process puts each individual's "truth" out in open and public view. It then takes on a whole 'nother meaning to the one interpreting it. The chorus of expression is truly, to me, heavenly. And I have seen that in the poetry and art displayed by the members...wow what beauty. I would love to live near your school...I think we would have some incredibly grand conversations on art and how it reflects our pasts and soulful travels.
What I'm up to these days....well I'm moving into rather a new "phase" of how I look at my life and the knowledge of other past lives. I am no longer concerned so much with the why or how any more. It seems in delving so deep into the sorrow, loss, and paradoxically the beauty of it all I lost contact with the reality of the here-and-now. What I am doing is allowing the spiritual insights, the powerful love of my twin soul, and this evolving saga to manifest itself in the current moments. When I'm sad I cry...powerfully and completely, when I'm awed by numinous beauty I allow it to shake my core, when faced with doubt I touch the foundation of past existence, and when confronted with strife I grasp power and wisdom from many battles, in many lives. It does sound somewhat abstract and dreamy, but the truth is that I feel it. As I think I said before the greatest lesson I've learned as of late is that this is all a mystery...and acceptance of the mystery is a powerful step in the evolution of soul. SO...what I'm doing is living this life like there is no end.
As I think I've said elsewhere I do write. I have a small public forum in the media. But after my days in the city I have grown to worship my solitude here on the plains. Ahhh, but, the wonder of technology allows reclusive old hippies like me to contribute even from a remote pasture on the "south forty." I will indeed publish my thoughts on reincarnation someday...weather as a memoir or "fiction" I've yet to decide. Perhaps it will go out posthumous who knows! I'm simply allowing it to evolve at its own pace.
I do look forward to meeting you also and I'm sure it will happen when we least expect it...judging by the rest of this wonderfully unraveling story. Perhaps we'll discuss our art, books, lives...past and present or simply the weather, whatever I look forward to it.
Peace,
The Tinkerman
Thank you again for your kind words and encouragement.
Yes I do try to keep up on the forum as much as possible. I love the new creative section. To me the renderings of the soul are most tangible in our art and writing. Poetry, painting, sculpting, photography etc speak the language of heart. The creative process puts each individual's "truth" out in open and public view. It then takes on a whole 'nother meaning to the one interpreting it. The chorus of expression is truly, to me, heavenly. And I have seen that in the poetry and art displayed by the members...wow what beauty. I would love to live near your school...I think we would have some incredibly grand conversations on art and how it reflects our pasts and soulful travels.
What I'm up to these days....well I'm moving into rather a new "phase" of how I look at my life and the knowledge of other past lives. I am no longer concerned so much with the why or how any more. It seems in delving so deep into the sorrow, loss, and paradoxically the beauty of it all I lost contact with the reality of the here-and-now. What I am doing is allowing the spiritual insights, the powerful love of my twin soul, and this evolving saga to manifest itself in the current moments. When I'm sad I cry...powerfully and completely, when I'm awed by numinous beauty I allow it to shake my core, when faced with doubt I touch the foundation of past existence, and when confronted with strife I grasp power and wisdom from many battles, in many lives. It does sound somewhat abstract and dreamy, but the truth is that I feel it. As I think I said before the greatest lesson I've learned as of late is that this is all a mystery...and acceptance of the mystery is a powerful step in the evolution of soul. SO...what I'm doing is living this life like there is no end.
As I think I've said elsewhere I do write. I have a small public forum in the media. But after my days in the city I have grown to worship my solitude here on the plains. Ahhh, but, the wonder of technology allows reclusive old hippies like me to contribute even from a remote pasture on the "south forty." I will indeed publish my thoughts on reincarnation someday...weather as a memoir or "fiction" I've yet to decide. Perhaps it will go out posthumous who knows! I'm simply allowing it to evolve at its own pace.
I do look forward to meeting you also and I'm sure it will happen when we least expect it...judging by the rest of this wonderfully unraveling story. Perhaps we'll discuss our art, books, lives...past and present or simply the weather, whatever I look forward to it.
Peace,
The Tinkerman
kstornado11
Senior Registered
Thanks Tink!
Hi there Tink... you continue to inspire me & bring me back to this site. So much of what you have to say, your memories & the way you deal with the past and present, and your outlook for the future is such a comfort to me. Your acknowlegement of the past but persisitance to move towards the future is truly a help to me in my own battle with the past & how it affects me today.
Many thanks, best of luck & love to you Neighbor!!
Sheryl
Hi there Tink... you continue to inspire me & bring me back to this site. So much of what you have to say, your memories & the way you deal with the past and present, and your outlook for the future is such a comfort to me. Your acknowlegement of the past but persisitance to move towards the future is truly a help to me in my own battle with the past & how it affects me today.
Many thanks, best of luck & love to you Neighbor!!
Sheryl
Hello Sheryl,
Thank you. I would like to hear your story...the memory and the "battle." Was it your love in another time you spoke of?
I too keep coming here, almost like I'm suppose to. It's like checking the pulse of my hidden truth...I want to know there is some tangible thought pulsing through the world about Reincarnation...I have found some wonderful things here relevant to my journey. Recently I read some of Wicker's poetry...it fed my craving.
Peace, The Tinkerman
Thank you. I would like to hear your story...the memory and the "battle." Was it your love in another time you spoke of?
I too keep coming here, almost like I'm suppose to. It's like checking the pulse of my hidden truth...I want to know there is some tangible thought pulsing through the world about Reincarnation...I have found some wonderful things here relevant to my journey. Recently I read some of Wicker's poetry...it fed my craving.
Peace, The Tinkerman
Hi Deborah, Thank you for asking. Things are well. I continue to research factual information on my life at the turn of the last century. It is a never ending search, but one that has revealed some interesting facts and some very numinous similarities to this life. One small example is that in my written memories I wrote about being in some type of institution (remember I lost a lot of sanity after I lost my wife and children). A friend and researcher was able to find where I had spent a short time in a sanitarium not far from where I live now. It no longer exists and has been closed for many decades. This same researcher located documents that a piece of property purchased in 1880 was purchased by my brother at that time. The "coincidence" is that I was the board president who signed all of legal documents for the purchase of this same ground for a large preservation project. I had no clue at the time (almost two years ago) and when I was told three nights ago I was again numbed by the synchronous mystery. I get chills thinking of it.
As far as where I am at in dealing with it all...I’m no further than I ever was. I think there is no way to comprehend its enormity. I continue to search for the spiritual avenues and feel the most comfort there. I have a keen interest in the Gnostic Christians and only wish there were more academic recourses to explore this. I can honestly say that this knowledge of my past life has placed religion in a much more intense perspective. I mean that I no longer believe in the certainty the organized religions profess. In fact I can say I see the beauty in the tenants of most all religions now. I see the distortion of time, power and language as the cause for the soup of differing beliefs. I DO believe that each individual soul is called to make his own journey and come to his own understanding of the great beyond. Perhaps that is a point best laid out by the Gnostics: "knowledge". Our journeys and lives are paths of discovery....what we do with them and how we live them seems to correlate with the past. How or why?....there is the beautiful mystery of living.
So, we go on. I wish the answers were easy for those new people I see signing on. But I've only found solace here, in my art, in my writing and in my prayers. The expressions of this yearning soul are hard to quench. My love truly is deeper than the darkness of my soul...and its not a bad thing...I see hope...I feel it...I remember it.
A tremendous thunderstorm is bearing down on my ranch right now. In the darkness of my cabin an eerie feeling is crackling all about. My old Shepard dog just entered, cowering in fear. AHHH what a wonderful, mysterious back drop to writing this. Numinous...
Heading for shelter, with love The Tinkerman
As far as where I am at in dealing with it all...I’m no further than I ever was. I think there is no way to comprehend its enormity. I continue to search for the spiritual avenues and feel the most comfort there. I have a keen interest in the Gnostic Christians and only wish there were more academic recourses to explore this. I can honestly say that this knowledge of my past life has placed religion in a much more intense perspective. I mean that I no longer believe in the certainty the organized religions profess. In fact I can say I see the beauty in the tenants of most all religions now. I see the distortion of time, power and language as the cause for the soup of differing beliefs. I DO believe that each individual soul is called to make his own journey and come to his own understanding of the great beyond. Perhaps that is a point best laid out by the Gnostics: "knowledge". Our journeys and lives are paths of discovery....what we do with them and how we live them seems to correlate with the past. How or why?....there is the beautiful mystery of living.
So, we go on. I wish the answers were easy for those new people I see signing on. But I've only found solace here, in my art, in my writing and in my prayers. The expressions of this yearning soul are hard to quench. My love truly is deeper than the darkness of my soul...and its not a bad thing...I see hope...I feel it...I remember it.
A tremendous thunderstorm is bearing down on my ranch right now. In the darkness of my cabin an eerie feeling is crackling all about. My old Shepard dog just entered, cowering in fear. AHHH what a wonderful, mysterious back drop to writing this. Numinous...
Heading for shelter, with love The Tinkerman
Hello my friends, thank you for your posts.
Ailish, I am still learning, still studying all that is around me. I look to this forum for thought and discourse. I have been so overwhelmed in the past by the details of "discovery" that for a long time I allowed them to dictate my life. Curious Girls told how she dealt with similar issues and her thoughts made tremendous sense.
I love reading the discussions on God, soul, karma, light etc., Raj and Buntaro have a great one going in the science section. I use these ideas and words as a primer for my own interpretation and discernment. There was, yesterday I believe, a wonderful analogy, saying we are like a stained glass window casting rays of color...are we the color or the light diffused? It is that, that I come her for.
I am blest to have a few friends who gather on occasion in a cabin on the plains for an evening of intelligent conversation (and great wine!)...the ideas here often come up. In short, I am learning on my journey in this life. I'm trying to take the hurt and heartache from the past and use it to grow. I would be lying to say I am successful at it all the time. Lagrima's words and book were helpful in that regard.
I think I said earlier, the details of my life now and 100 years ago are so incredibly intertwined, that if I allow them to, they will drive me crazy trying to sort out or comprehend. But at the same time there is a strange, grand, euphoric feeling standing in both life times...by that I mean standing in a certain place, (i.e. the cemetery, the farm, the Cottonwood grove) and seeing it through both sets of eyes...but one soul.
Yes Ailish, I do run across other parts of the puzzle. And each time I am amazed and awed. But then the greater questions kick in...so what?...why? Like Curious Girl I want to live this life.
So if you ask what I know and believe...I'd answer this:
I know I have lived other lives.
I know that love, compassion and sorrow are a great part of them.
I believe in a Creator and a Plan greater than I.
Passion was the great prompter in my discovery of reincarnation.
I feel an incredible bond with and to another soul...as if they are apart of my being. That great, great love burns like the sun.
There are very distinct lessons from that past life that I can see working here and now.
I am comforted in knowing....knowing we will pass this way again.
For the skeptics, the unbelievers and lost I can only offer words. They must discover truth in their own way, in their own heart.
And most of all, I've learned that we are only touching the tiniest tip of creation. Our knowledge is only a pittance, a miniscule drip in the great cosmos.
I will share with you one thought. I just wrote a column about a book I read. It was more than a book it was a lesson. It was the memoirs (originally written as fiction to protect actual subjects, but later researched and foot noted) of a pioneer family who settled near my ranch in 1870. The book, Sod and Stubble, was a window to the past for me. It stirred emotions I didn't know I had and indeed sparked memories of places long since gone. It was such a joy to read. And it too was, I'm sure, a part of this great, great quest for understanding.
My love is indeed deeper than the very darkest, deepest, reaches of my soul...what a blessing it is to know.
Peace...The Tinkerman
Ailish, I am still learning, still studying all that is around me. I look to this forum for thought and discourse. I have been so overwhelmed in the past by the details of "discovery" that for a long time I allowed them to dictate my life. Curious Girls told how she dealt with similar issues and her thoughts made tremendous sense.
I love reading the discussions on God, soul, karma, light etc., Raj and Buntaro have a great one going in the science section. I use these ideas and words as a primer for my own interpretation and discernment. There was, yesterday I believe, a wonderful analogy, saying we are like a stained glass window casting rays of color...are we the color or the light diffused? It is that, that I come her for.
I am blest to have a few friends who gather on occasion in a cabin on the plains for an evening of intelligent conversation (and great wine!)...the ideas here often come up. In short, I am learning on my journey in this life. I'm trying to take the hurt and heartache from the past and use it to grow. I would be lying to say I am successful at it all the time. Lagrima's words and book were helpful in that regard.
I think I said earlier, the details of my life now and 100 years ago are so incredibly intertwined, that if I allow them to, they will drive me crazy trying to sort out or comprehend. But at the same time there is a strange, grand, euphoric feeling standing in both life times...by that I mean standing in a certain place, (i.e. the cemetery, the farm, the Cottonwood grove) and seeing it through both sets of eyes...but one soul.
Yes Ailish, I do run across other parts of the puzzle. And each time I am amazed and awed. But then the greater questions kick in...so what?...why? Like Curious Girl I want to live this life.
So if you ask what I know and believe...I'd answer this:
I know I have lived other lives.
I know that love, compassion and sorrow are a great part of them.
I believe in a Creator and a Plan greater than I.
Passion was the great prompter in my discovery of reincarnation.
I feel an incredible bond with and to another soul...as if they are apart of my being. That great, great love burns like the sun.
There are very distinct lessons from that past life that I can see working here and now.
I am comforted in knowing....knowing we will pass this way again.
For the skeptics, the unbelievers and lost I can only offer words. They must discover truth in their own way, in their own heart.
And most of all, I've learned that we are only touching the tiniest tip of creation. Our knowledge is only a pittance, a miniscule drip in the great cosmos.
I will share with you one thought. I just wrote a column about a book I read. It was more than a book it was a lesson. It was the memoirs (originally written as fiction to protect actual subjects, but later researched and foot noted) of a pioneer family who settled near my ranch in 1870. The book, Sod and Stubble, was a window to the past for me. It stirred emotions I didn't know I had and indeed sparked memories of places long since gone. It was such a joy to read. And it too was, I'm sure, a part of this great, great quest for understanding.
My love is indeed deeper than the very darkest, deepest, reaches of my soul...what a blessing it is to know.
Peace...The Tinkerman
MoonDansyr
Senior Registered
T~
Your story is touching and you are so insightful. I appreciate that you chose to share it with the rest of us.
Your story is touching and you are so insightful. I appreciate that you chose to share it with the rest of us.
I just want you to know, my opinion is that, maybe without realizing it, you've given some of the rest of us lessons from your own travels. Thank you.Tinkerman said:
Kat...a belated thanks.
I popped into my own thread this morning to rethink my own words. To dwell, if you will, on the thoughts that constantly shadow me. Do you ever get that way? Where ya need to back up, and get another taste of a past perspective? Seems to help sometimes...like grounding.
This morning is a particular powerful one. The rain started early this morning, before dawn. It woke me up and lulled me for an hour. The sounds and smells took me back to my farm one hundred years ago. I don't "go there" often as it usually only leads me into the blues for the next several days. But this morning it was pretty vivid and I let it flow. It was the memory of a morning very similar. As I dressed, ate, and prepared for the day the memory played in my head. But perhaps the most beautiful thoughts came to me in the barn. The cold pouring rain, the heavy clothing binding me in warmth, the earthy smell of animals; cattle, horses...the smell of hay, the sound of rain....WOW it sucked me back to that time. It must have been so wonderful.
Now as I sit here in my office, in town, the pattering of a leaky roof and the chill in the air make me want to part the curtains of time and climb back. But the loud church bells clanging "noon, noon, noon" say focus man...git back to work.
Memories are indeed a blessing, they hit us when we need them the most.
Tinkerman
I popped into my own thread this morning to rethink my own words. To dwell, if you will, on the thoughts that constantly shadow me. Do you ever get that way? Where ya need to back up, and get another taste of a past perspective? Seems to help sometimes...like grounding.
This morning is a particular powerful one. The rain started early this morning, before dawn. It woke me up and lulled me for an hour. The sounds and smells took me back to my farm one hundred years ago. I don't "go there" often as it usually only leads me into the blues for the next several days. But this morning it was pretty vivid and I let it flow. It was the memory of a morning very similar. As I dressed, ate, and prepared for the day the memory played in my head. But perhaps the most beautiful thoughts came to me in the barn. The cold pouring rain, the heavy clothing binding me in warmth, the earthy smell of animals; cattle, horses...the smell of hay, the sound of rain....WOW it sucked me back to that time. It must have been so wonderful.
Now as I sit here in my office, in town, the pattering of a leaky roof and the chill in the air make me want to part the curtains of time and climb back. But the loud church bells clanging "noon, noon, noon" say focus man...git back to work.
Memories are indeed a blessing, they hit us when we need them the most.
Tinkerman
tanguerra
Moderator Emeritus
Poetry Tinkerman. I know exactly what you mean and you put it so well.
Doesn't sound abstract or dreamy to me in the least. Just accurate.I am very jealous of all the rain you are getting though. It is bone dry over here and has been for the past several years. I almost can't remember the sound of rain on the roof. When it does rain people rush outside to have a look.
soulfreindly
Senior Registered
Hello Tinkerman,Tinkerman said:
THe finding of your name must have been profound.. Did it make it any easier for you to be more open about talking about your beliefs in reincarnation???
I have had no desire to prove my existence in a past life . But having a verification like yours would be a way of bridging people's disbeliefs. \
I love that too when past life connections are made again in my current life and I can see how we are growing together.
Do you see the woman you consider your past life wife at all recently?? Seeing the people from my past helps me to keep up my faith and fight for what I deserve.. I also use visualization which can have a great impact on my soul . I will visually imagine someone from my past being with me when I need them. Last Saturday I was in a crisis and by visualising a Jewish mother from a past life family , being with me , I gained the courage and insight to make a proper decision which did make a huge difference to me in the end..
soulfreindly
Thanks Aili for bringing this thread back to the top again. I've purposely not replied for a few days because I wanted to give it due thought. Since writing this thread several years ago a lot has happened, most obvious is that I went from an uncertain new member, full of doubts and questions, to an administrator with not so many doubts but still reels of questions. I certainly have found great comfort in this forum and the serious exploration of reincarnation it offers. There are no other sites that can compare.
I am still in my journey. I am still obsessed with that life and that family. No day begins or ends with out me thinking of her and asking for blessings upon her. Since the first time I posted, I think it was 2004, my Ms.X has moved on in her life and away from our very rural and remote hometown. Soulfriendly you asked if I see her. Yes, I do on occasion...and I confess it is an emotion filled time whenever it happens. Her very presence shakes me. I am very good at hiding my feelings and dealing with things in an "adult" manner. But if my heart were a big screen television you would see the chaos of a major earth quake and the sadness of being left behind and paradoxically, the bursting colors of joy-love and hear a theme song in a deep passionate cello solo... slowly moaning that joy and that longing and that love. It is in the recordings of YoYo Ma that I find great solace in my memories of her.
Recently I went through a very "interesting" time. Ms.X asked that I attend her wedding. Yes, it was to say the least a quagmire of emotions. I went, but it just added to my confusion...of who we are to each other. As I watched her on the altar my mind was whirling in thought. And my only recourse was to ask the Great Spirit to guide my heart and soul...guide me in a way of wisdom and understanding...and to not let me slip into an emotional cauldron. I received an answer almost instantly...it happened when her young man took her head into his hands and kissed her ever so gently on the lips. His love for her was powerful and evident, and I could see she was in good hands. He is indeed a good man, everything I could hope for her. As they left the church they greeted everyone individually. Ms.X took me into her arms and the embrace was...well, I can't explain...telling, perhaps. Later that night I had the chance to dance with her. It was a slow waltz, to music I did not hear, to a conversation I don't remember...I can only remember her eyes, and the look of understanding she gave me as the gentle squeeze of ours hands spoke when they separated. I blessed her that night and prayed for their union in this life, for their joy and for their journey. Certainly for them, their truths are unfolding just as mine are. There are so many lessons from all of this that I've only scratched the surface...and will certainly spend many nights out on the Sunset bench contemplating. I love her now, as then, more than ever. Our understanding of these human relationships is certainly based in karma and apart of a greater plan.
My life here and now is a good one. I live one mile down the road from my farm in that life. That farm is still in the family and owned by an uncle (or a grandson, if you will). I had the privilege of working the ground last year. The very same places I remember in my life as Michael. Many, many a night, as I ended my work, I would drive the tractor back toward the house and get uncontrollable trembling at the beauty of the feeling. I have goose bumps now thinking about it. It was a familiarity...it was a knowing, a certainty that I WAS there before. The emotions were beautiful until I got closer and closer to the house, and the current time reality was evident in the house that is now ruin. Seeing the old house in such decay makes me sad. It makes me see time in a way that is tangible. As I pass it and its darkness, and head down the road to my place in this life, I see the lights burning in the windows there...I see the life and vibrance there. People are there who love me and are waiting for me...laughter, food, wine, hugs... all OF this time, all of THIS place. So you see there is much to deal with. To quote a dear friend: "It is a good life if ya don't faulter..."
Thank you again Aili for reminding me of this thread. Namaste to all of you on similar journeys.
Tinkerman
I am still in my journey. I am still obsessed with that life and that family. No day begins or ends with out me thinking of her and asking for blessings upon her. Since the first time I posted, I think it was 2004, my Ms.X has moved on in her life and away from our very rural and remote hometown. Soulfriendly you asked if I see her. Yes, I do on occasion...and I confess it is an emotion filled time whenever it happens. Her very presence shakes me. I am very good at hiding my feelings and dealing with things in an "adult" manner. But if my heart were a big screen television you would see the chaos of a major earth quake and the sadness of being left behind and paradoxically, the bursting colors of joy-love and hear a theme song in a deep passionate cello solo... slowly moaning that joy and that longing and that love. It is in the recordings of YoYo Ma that I find great solace in my memories of her.
Recently I went through a very "interesting" time. Ms.X asked that I attend her wedding. Yes, it was to say the least a quagmire of emotions. I went, but it just added to my confusion...of who we are to each other. As I watched her on the altar my mind was whirling in thought. And my only recourse was to ask the Great Spirit to guide my heart and soul...guide me in a way of wisdom and understanding...and to not let me slip into an emotional cauldron. I received an answer almost instantly...it happened when her young man took her head into his hands and kissed her ever so gently on the lips. His love for her was powerful and evident, and I could see she was in good hands. He is indeed a good man, everything I could hope for her. As they left the church they greeted everyone individually. Ms.X took me into her arms and the embrace was...well, I can't explain...telling, perhaps. Later that night I had the chance to dance with her. It was a slow waltz, to music I did not hear, to a conversation I don't remember...I can only remember her eyes, and the look of understanding she gave me as the gentle squeeze of ours hands spoke when they separated. I blessed her that night and prayed for their union in this life, for their joy and for their journey. Certainly for them, their truths are unfolding just as mine are. There are so many lessons from all of this that I've only scratched the surface...and will certainly spend many nights out on the Sunset bench contemplating. I love her now, as then, more than ever. Our understanding of these human relationships is certainly based in karma and apart of a greater plan.
My life here and now is a good one. I live one mile down the road from my farm in that life. That farm is still in the family and owned by an uncle (or a grandson, if you will). I had the privilege of working the ground last year. The very same places I remember in my life as Michael. Many, many a night, as I ended my work, I would drive the tractor back toward the house and get uncontrollable trembling at the beauty of the feeling. I have goose bumps now thinking about it. It was a familiarity...it was a knowing, a certainty that I WAS there before. The emotions were beautiful until I got closer and closer to the house, and the current time reality was evident in the house that is now ruin. Seeing the old house in such decay makes me sad. It makes me see time in a way that is tangible. As I pass it and its darkness, and head down the road to my place in this life, I see the lights burning in the windows there...I see the life and vibrance there. People are there who love me and are waiting for me...laughter, food, wine, hugs... all OF this time, all of THIS place. So you see there is much to deal with. To quote a dear friend: "It is a good life if ya don't faulter..."
Thank you again Aili for reminding me of this thread. Namaste to all of you on similar journeys.
Tinkerman
W.A. HEART
Senior Registered
I'm speechless Tman. I understand.
Thanks WA Heart.
Yes Tanguerra, I guess you, WA and I could start a club for separated, cosmic souls and lovers. But I'd be willing to offer the premise that such "relationships" from past lives are upon us and about us for very complex AND simple reasons. Does that make sense? Complex because in the life of now, we see and we want. We are use to having the ability to conquer most any desire. But the soul and the heart are governed by a different standard. The "permissions," if you will, are based on the other side and we can't see or understand them. We're blessed with smidgens of dreams and parts of memories just to tantalize our soul and tease our human need for instant gratiication....COMPLEX! And, well, the simple reason may just rest in the simplicity of one man-one woman...one soul struggling to find reunion...completition and fulfillment.
I suppose one could easily slip into the heartless perspective of a despondent cynic and say its all a bunch of who-wa, we're lost in our own fantasies...of unrequited love, of far fetched imagination, of past life heresy.... the list could go on and on. Those kind of lists are the food for skeptics. But I think many of us have learned to listen to that inner voice that is telling us we're not crazy...it is real, and this bothers the "flat-landers" (remember when folks believed the earth was flat! They had no faith in those that dared to use their intuition, their faith and their dreams.). As we progress in our ability to understand the spiritual and "greater plan" of the universe we live in, we begin to learn. And to me that is the whole point. NOT that we remember for recreation or seek quantity in past lives...but what are the lessons. What archetypal things are we shown (LOVE!) and how do we deal with them in a greater perspective or within the "Big picture."
Tanguerra you mentioned desire...what a wonderful word! So complete in its own sound, yet paradoxically so empty by its meaning. I see two perspectives the human/carnal and the soul/spiritual. Each is unique in its pursuit of desire and each unique in its fulfillment. I don't think you can have "love without desire"...at least I can't grasp the concept right now. The root of my love for her IS desire. In a human sense I have felt that craving in all the times I held her in my arms. The most powerful memories of the past, of the life 100 years ago, are when I was holding her: as young lovers when she injured her foot, as lovers alone on a stormy night, the night she died. This physical contact was the catalyst that made me remember NOW. And I cannot deny the desire to physically hold her now. On a soulful level I can and do hold her. I can and do interact with her in a spiritual way, I am a novice at it, but it is all I got. Somehow I wonder if that's the point.: angel
Oh well, time goes on. I look forward to each revelation, each lesson, with wide eyed wonder. And strain to stare into the future for any glimpse of her I can muster... it is difficult, but yes... oh so beautiful.
Tinkerman
Yes Tanguerra, I guess you, WA and I could start a club for separated, cosmic souls and lovers. But I'd be willing to offer the premise that such "relationships" from past lives are upon us and about us for very complex AND simple reasons. Does that make sense? Complex because in the life of now, we see and we want. We are use to having the ability to conquer most any desire. But the soul and the heart are governed by a different standard. The "permissions," if you will, are based on the other side and we can't see or understand them. We're blessed with smidgens of dreams and parts of memories just to tantalize our soul and tease our human need for instant gratiication....COMPLEX! And, well, the simple reason may just rest in the simplicity of one man-one woman...one soul struggling to find reunion...completition and fulfillment.
I suppose one could easily slip into the heartless perspective of a despondent cynic and say its all a bunch of who-wa, we're lost in our own fantasies...of unrequited love, of far fetched imagination, of past life heresy.... the list could go on and on. Those kind of lists are the food for skeptics. But I think many of us have learned to listen to that inner voice that is telling us we're not crazy...it is real, and this bothers the "flat-landers" (remember when folks believed the earth was flat! They had no faith in those that dared to use their intuition, their faith and their dreams.). As we progress in our ability to understand the spiritual and "greater plan" of the universe we live in, we begin to learn. And to me that is the whole point. NOT that we remember for recreation or seek quantity in past lives...but what are the lessons. What archetypal things are we shown (LOVE!) and how do we deal with them in a greater perspective or within the "Big picture."
Tanguerra you mentioned desire...what a wonderful word! So complete in its own sound, yet paradoxically so empty by its meaning. I see two perspectives the human/carnal and the soul/spiritual. Each is unique in its pursuit of desire and each unique in its fulfillment. I don't think you can have "love without desire"...at least I can't grasp the concept right now. The root of my love for her IS desire. In a human sense I have felt that craving in all the times I held her in my arms. The most powerful memories of the past, of the life 100 years ago, are when I was holding her: as young lovers when she injured her foot, as lovers alone on a stormy night, the night she died. This physical contact was the catalyst that made me remember NOW. And I cannot deny the desire to physically hold her now. On a soulful level I can and do hold her. I can and do interact with her in a spiritual way, I am a novice at it, but it is all I got. Somehow I wonder if that's the point.: angel
Oh well, time goes on. I look forward to each revelation, each lesson, with wide eyed wonder. And strain to stare into the future for any glimpse of her I can muster... it is difficult, but yes... oh so beautiful.
Tinkerman
tanguerra
Moderator Emeritus
So poetic, and oh I know it all only too well Tinkerman! The desire, the love, the joy, the longing, and then the sudden snatching away! Aaargh! :butbut:Tinkerman said:
A passage from my book for you. Funnily enough I had a very rare visit from my sister the other day (the nicer one - she lives interstate I only see her every few years or so, if that). She is having a relationship dilemma with what she thinks are past life links (sounds like a past life to me) and she was seeking advice and guidance from her 'big sister' (well, that's what she got anyway!
). We talked about it all for a while and what was going on in general and 'not so general' terms ... then I asked her to read this bit out aloud which is part of my chapter defining 'what is love'. She said it helped.... I can't put it more eloquently than I have here, or say anything which I think would be more instructive in such a situation or share more deeply what it is I am grappling with when I try to explain the lesson of 'love without desire', which is my lesson this life (not just this life?) and no, it's not easy! It was my gift to her that evening as it is to you on this fine (unseasonably warm) Autumn evening. I sit in X's old room (now my walk-in-closet and study, lucky me) while missing him dreadfully but joyfully:Indeed:
I can only agree.Tinkerman said:
Tee hee Tinkerman! A small but exclusive one, with jazz please. :laugh:Tinkerman said:
W.A. HEART
Senior Registered
Hear, hear!
Namaste my friends..!
tanguerra
Moderator Emeritus
How is it all going Tinkerman? I have been thinking about you all week. I'm wondering how you are and pondering on the wedding of your Ms. X and the exquisite pain of it. Ouch!
Of course my friend X never leaves my thoughts (or dreams or anything really...). However, it is a pleasant background hum at the moment, which is quite nice really (a bit like not hitting your head against a wall!).
But, I ask myself, how would I deal with the event of him getting married, to his Y (not that there's any likelihood of that!)? Would I be as graceful as you? Would I be happy for him, if that's what he wants? Would I be glad that he lived and loved and breathed and was joyful? I hope so.
Unrequited love has been my personal theme of the week. No, it's not easy. It just looks that way when we ('the club') do it.
Aaaah! The greatest moments in life are like this. These are the moments we remember most (dammit!).Tinkerman said:
Of course my friend X never leaves my thoughts (or dreams or anything really...). However, it is a pleasant background hum at the moment, which is quite nice really (a bit like not hitting your head against a wall!).
But, I ask myself, how would I deal with the event of him getting married, to his Y (not that there's any likelihood of that!)? Would I be as graceful as you? Would I be happy for him, if that's what he wants? Would I be glad that he lived and loved and breathed and was joyful? I hope so.
Unrequited love has been my personal theme of the week. No, it's not easy. It just looks that way when we ('the club') do it.
soulfreindly
Senior Registered
Interesting thread... things to reflect upon. .. sometimes I feel up to grappling with these feelings --- sometimes the memories are too difficult to share.. I felt wrapped up in the descriptions of your passions Tinkerman.
I too ended up going to one of my heartthrob's wedding... putting on the face that all was well... but alas it was not until another 7 years on that I felt safe with the remaining distance and another 15 for the letting go.
He had been the one who came to mind on my first regression.. a simple, fulfilling life where I had alot going on outside of our relationship, which for a woman was a reassuring thing as some of my memories of being a woman have been difficult . Our difficulties this life made sense after time doing therapy work--- past and present.The difficulties were reflected in that past life and I could see we had not gone on to learn from them.
Love without desire... I cannot see..I know I want to not get too wrapped up in the desires as that becomes stifling. Desires lead to movement and also holding on == ie movement towards something you want to add to your life and doing your best to hold onto what you have so that it remains at peace and is in a happy state. . This desire to improve and seek more is good and has purpose for everyone. It is when these desires become the fulfilling aspect of the emotion and the only end that we seek.
For me the journey towards love means going beyond the person , and looking at my own feelings and questioning how I percieve myself as being the object of desire making sure I continue to ask myself if I am being truthful with my feelings and truthful with what we all deserve-- ie happiness. .
soulfreindly
I too ended up going to one of my heartthrob's wedding... putting on the face that all was well... but alas it was not until another 7 years on that I felt safe with the remaining distance and another 15 for the letting go.
He had been the one who came to mind on my first regression.. a simple, fulfilling life where I had alot going on outside of our relationship, which for a woman was a reassuring thing as some of my memories of being a woman have been difficult . Our difficulties this life made sense after time doing therapy work--- past and present.The difficulties were reflected in that past life and I could see we had not gone on to learn from them.
Love without desire... I cannot see..I know I want to not get too wrapped up in the desires as that becomes stifling. Desires lead to movement and also holding on == ie movement towards something you want to add to your life and doing your best to hold onto what you have so that it remains at peace and is in a happy state. . This desire to improve and seek more is good and has purpose for everyone. It is when these desires become the fulfilling aspect of the emotion and the only end that we seek.
For me the journey towards love means going beyond the person , and looking at my own feelings and questioning how I percieve myself as being the object of desire making sure I continue to ask myself if I am being truthful with my feelings and truthful with what we all deserve-- ie happiness. .
soulfreindly
tanguerra
Moderator Emeritus
Yes, quite so. The exquisite longing and the excrutiating loss when, inevitably, the 'happy state' cannot be held onto ... because, well, that's life!
I call it 'desire', the Buddhists also call it 'attachment'. Have you ever seen the beautiful Tibetan sand mandalas the monks make with painstaking detail, only to have them all blown away at the end of the ceremony? It is an exercise in doing something for its own sake, not in expectation of any permanency, but purely to be 'in the moment' of doing it, because it is beautiful all the while being mindful that soon it will be gone.
I have plagiarised the Four Noble Truths quite shamelessly in my writings (and try to do so in my daily life, sometimes more successfully than others) but after all, universal truths are just that...
However, I know all this philosophy is a cold comfort at difficult times such as these Tinkerman.
'Desire' and 'attachment' are not wrong. They are, in their own way, beautiful. They are part of mortal life after all, along with blood, sweat and tears. Along with toothaches and mess and disagreements and missing socks. Desire and attachment are inextricably bound with mortal love. They are perfectly natural. They are indeed the very flesh and bones of love. They are absolutely intrinsic to our mortal human natures. They give life its piquancy and its pain. They give it joy just as they give it sorrow. They give life children. They give life surprise. They give life renewal. They are part of what keeps the wheel of life spinning. Life is not perfect, thank goodness!
Sometimes, though it's less perfect than others. My thoughts are with you Tinkerman my friend and fellow traveller.