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Down the Memory Lane

Tried another one last night (I have a few days where I am alone and can be sure I won't be disturbed, and I intend to USE them, might be awhile before it is possible again).

This one is repeatable, because the questions are less specific. And the only repetitive parts towards the end (choosing current parents, life plan for the current life) might need several tries before you get anything.

Anyway, did not work out.
Was led back to one of the lives I still am attached to. (You're probably right about unfinished threads, fireflydancing.)
Couldn't picture things properly most of the time, and what I could picture and what numbers I got felt like I was trying to interfere. To either confirm that life or to avoid being confronted with my "shadow" side.

Took notes and would like to share parts, but I feel like I am walking on very thin ice and... something is holding me back. Too private? PL paranoia? Several factors, most likely.
I will find a way to handle this.

Actually, there WERE strong emotions. I felt VERY happy early on. I can tell as much as that I was a bit prankish. I LOVED to misbehave and provoke. (At age 19 in my current life I realized that disobedience for disobedience's sake is as stupid as blind obedience.)

After death couldn't picture much, but felt VERY uneasy, close to panic actually. Thankfully, there was a kind of veil. But as it looks, I ended up in a not so nice life-between-lives. Now, in my personal belief, there is no outside judgement. I condemned myself to "Hell" because I felt that I had "failed". While it's not forever, it IS forever in a way when you are there and time has no meaning.

The interesting part is the question what personality traits and skills from that particular life I would like to take into my current life. Not everything was "bad" or "evil" about that person, and I am aware that I am overdoing some things into the polar opposite direction is this life. There is other things, more personal, personal relationships... seems like I have chosen my parents to learn to accept getting unconditional love. That I do not have to prove myself "worthy" or anything to deserve love.

Lessons learned... not fully yet. Otherwise, I wouldn't return to that one and the one before over and over. I wouldn't feel that longing anymore and some dark fascination/love-and-hate towards the "darker" parts.
I realized a few things in this life. I also seem to have overcome a few desires.
What do I still secretly wish for that could be thought of as... "bad"/"evil"/"mad"/"lower ego trip"/"spiritually underdeveloped" or what ever you may call it? It needs to be surfaced and embraced.
Where do I need to reach a certain balance (besides that exaggerated humility, inferiority complex and self-sacrifice obviously are the same as the polar opposite)? Violence is violence, and judgement is judgement, even when it is directed "only" towards myself. Got this. With my brain, but doesn't have sunk in deeply enough yet.
I will find a way out of this. I WILL learn to love myself, unconditionally. To love EVERYONE unconditionally. Because that's the only real choice I have.

So on with the affirmations! And what ever increases self-confidence, inner guidance, trust in intuition and brings up the real "me".
 
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SeekerOfKnowledge said:
WARNING: This gonna be a bit long, so read at own risk. Don't wanna steal other people's time.

Did a self-regression last night and now write it down before I forget it.
I have serious doubts (as always), but it COULD be, of course.
Thought I'd just share. Maybe others find it interesting or even helpful.

I was using THIS guided med on youtube:
(I was to meet my Spirit Guide at a campfire, receive a gift from them, then was sent to and asked about several scenes from a PL, just to explain what my notes refer to. My notes my not be in the same order as the questions appeared in the regression.)

Spirit Guide: looks like the wandering cliché of a wise old man.
Long white beard, wearing a long white garment

Me: Are you my Spirit Guide?
He (with a smile/grin): No. (One of my guides has a weird sense of humor and likes to provoke me and make me think. That one also dislikes to be called „guide“ or „spirit“ and would advise me not to listen to him.)

His name: Soclos
My spirit name: Soclos
(Understood „so close“ as „Soclos“ earlier on and went WTF... would be much like THAT guide to tell me that way that his name and my spirit name don't matter at the moment.
Found out that „Soclos“ appears in Medieval German fiction and means something in Spanish and Portuguese, but I have no idea what it means.

Gift he gave me: A black and white bird feather.

First PL scene: I am barefeeted, wearing a simple long garment. I am female (so not a monk).
I am in a square room maybe 5 by 4 meters? Maybe bigger. I suck at guessing the size of a room. Not tiny, but also not large.
The floor is blank stone. There is a window through which I can see a landscape. There is a table with a handful of books.
I feel a bit lost, if anything.

The meal: Food was some very soft meat with a sauce. Slight cinnamon aroma, also a hint of pepper.
I was eating from a plate, using a very small knife. I was sharing the plate with a bearded man (maybe in his late 20's to early 30's) who remotely looked like my current husband. At least his smile and facial expression. And eyes. He seemed to have something on his head, at that point I was about to quit, but it wasn't a crown, so I just let things come.
(Yet I wonder what it was he had on his head... strange...)
It came to me that he was my husband, his name was Jerome (maybe Gerome) and my name was Agatha.
He was wearing a red overcoat over something in another color (either dark green or dark blue), I was wearing some veil/headdress, a bit like a nun.
There were tables in the common tight U-form, with me and my husband sitting at the head. There were maybe 20-30 other people eating.
The room was just large enough for the tables, not that much space left.
If I have seen any fancy decorations, I don't remember.

Year: 1174 (what I got, but looked even older, Jeromes hair, beard and clothing seem to match, though)
Place: Aquitaine? Ang... V... wtf... OK, France. Always felt more drawn to England during that period, but fine.

My work: Nothing. Or rather: I was in a room very similar to the one in the first scene. Saw myself writing with a quill. The feather looked very similar to the one my spirit guide had given me. Seemed that I didn't have much to do, so I wrote for leisure (?).
(Which is very unusual for a woman of that era who was NOT a nun or high noble.)
That moment I noticed the keys on a belt around my hips.
Then I saw myself pregnant.
Did I like what I was doing? Indifferent. It was my place and what I COULD do.
The small castle (considering the size of the dining „hall“, if it was a castle, it can't have been that large) or countryside house (but definitely built of stone) seemed to be on a small hill (the ground was just a bit too far down for just being in a tower). From the window I saw a meadow and a river and a forest in the distance.
The vague feeling that my husband was away often so I had to manage everything in the house/castle.

Best day: I am in a bed, half lying, half sitting, holding a baby in my arms. My husband is standing next to the bed, bending over, smiling. I can see and feel how much he loves me and how happy he is.
Don't know if the baby was a boy or girl. Either I was so happy because it was a boy or because my husband was happy even though it was „only a girl“.

Worst day: I am in a dark, round room, my left foot is chained to the wall. There is straw on the floor.
High above (several meters) there is a very small window.
I have no idea what happened and how I got there. Or what happened to my husband. Or what I, maybe have done.
Why was this day so bad? Er... because I was imprisoned? And had no idea if I ever would get out again. And no idea what was going on outside.

Moment of death: Didn't see a thing and barely felt anything. No idea where I was. I was lying, in embryo position. I was reaching out with my hand (or at least trying), but no one took it. Looks like I was alone. And blind. And half-way gone already. I felt relief rather than fear. No idea if I died in that prison or in a bed. I couldn't see a thing and barely noticed my surroundings, it can have been anywhere. Maybe there even WERE people near.
Age: felt like 70-80 first, but also may have been 50-60.

Meeting my PL self at the campfire:
She was wearing a red-and-blue dress and a white veil/headdress like it would be typical for that era. Her face, when looking at her from the outside, reminded me a bit of my current Mom. (Who, of course, looks a bit like me.)

Life Lesson from Agatha: Do YOUR thing and trust yourself more than anybody else.
From my guide: Question your values and beliefs on a daily basis, but trust yourself more than anybody else.

Now the life lesson itself definitely makes sense. It is what I am currently working at.

The rest... I don't know.

Would be nice if I could validate this. Gonna be hard, though.
If Jerome and Agatha existed, chances are very low that anything has been recorded AND survived the centuries.
Lesser nobility, obviously (stone house or castle, didn't have to do body work, we owned a couple books...), but not high nobility (they would have lived in a larger place) and probably not „important“ enough to be known to anyone.
As for the small castle or countryside house, I only saw it from the inside, so I will have a hard time to locate it, even if it still exists (if it existed at all, that is).
There was a Saint Jerome in the 4th century or so and a Saint Agatha in the 3rd, so these names will have been very popular as people in the Middle Ages often named their kids after saints. So, at least, the first names DO make some sense.

Noted and kept for storage, just in case I can find out more later.
Click to expand...
I loved reading this, thank you for sharing :)
/Jaimie
 
This was very impressive, SeekerOfKnowledge! It's interesting you wrote that these scenes weren't in "ultra HD", because I could easily see them in my mind in that way while reading them. They felt detailed and it was very touching with the best and worst days. Such an interesting way to uncover a possible past life: a scene with the best and the worst day of one's life, in addition to a random scene from that life (but it was not completely random, since you got the feeling your husband in that life looked similar to your current husband) and then, even a death scene. Hope you can find out more, maybe you'll be able to catch more details next time (like the decoration of the interiors, and such), then you can start to search for images and texts. It's never too easy with these "old lives", especially when one doesn't feel too connected to the country (or the country from a certain era. Like, when you feel connected to - let's say - France, but from different time periods and not the one you just recalled).
 
Tried again the last two nights. Just that I got I find impossible to believe was true memories. Even though my Higher Self/Spirit Guide(s)/gut feeling/what ever seem to insist that I believe in myself and trust myself. I will add the links of the videos I used, including those which did not work at all, in case others find them useful.

Two nights ago:
No, I did not see me as a "famous" person or something. The reason I doubt the memories is that I pictured something that definitely did not exist (or something you would only have experienced in something like a shamanic trance state, but there were no shamans, there was only me and the man who stirred the boat). The rest COULD be, just feels to good to be true. I was happy all the time. What makes no sense here is that I felt in a more "spirtually developed" state thousands of years ago? I felt this inner freedom, peace and happiness you sometimes get when you do a lot of meditation and other stuff in that direction ALL THE TIME. I won't dismiss this entirely, but I take it with a heavy grain of salt. Then, CATS. I LOVE cats, just like millions and millions of other people do. Not everyone who loves cats can have had a highly spiritual past life as a priestess. So... sorry, but that is hard to believe.

Last night:
This one simply did not work. Might work for others, though. When I visualized myself in a comfortable chair next to a cozy fire I pictured myself far in the past already, with a book in my lap. The starting image, as it works as a trigger, does not work for me. The halway and doors looked old-fashioned accordingly. But instead of ending up even further in the past, I saw myself as a hippie guy (male) for a moment, in a meadow. Then, nothing.

This one COULD have worked, if it weren't for the adds which interrupt the video every few minutes. Might be different in other countries.

This one got me SOMETHING, at least. Emotions were strong, and I was a bit sad when it was over.
Definitely a good one for bringing up happy moments from a PL. If that were PL memories at all.
For all those who wanna try, you should be safe here, this one won't bring up traumatic memories.
It seemed to confirm a life I already had hints of. One of two where I had dealings with "influential" and/or "famous" people.
I immediately suspected that I subconsciously want to believe that. Let it run, anyway.
What was real was the happiness. And the sadness and missing somebody afterwards.
But I seriously doubt that what I pictured were real memories. Didn't get anything that I could use for validation either. My gut seemed to insist that this was me. I CAN see parallels between me and that man (who was not that famous himself, more something for locals and history nerds). But still... really? Can it be that I still secretly wish to have been part of this? Despite knowing better? Could be, so I don't take this with just a grain of salt, but with a huge block.
Already thought I had proven myself wrong, but... can't do that either.

Had a little fun moment when the voice asked me to picture my kitchen and preparing food. I was going like... WTF... preparing food? ME? I had to laugh so hard I was taken out for a moment.

I have been at that point more than once. But this time I won't run away. I will continue seeking the truth. Despite my brain playing tricks on me which, of course, can go in two directions.

Got another night with calm me time. But instead of trying another regression, I will sort out old notes and such while having affirmations, solfeggios and such running in the background.
While trying to find a way to better know what is real and what is not.
 
SeekerOfKnowledge said:
The case of Evelyn

Got this from a self-regression. There are some problems with the info I got.

Evelyn Sanders or Summers, grew up in Dunville or Dunnville, moved to New York to become an actress, but ended up as a dancer in a bar. Was murdered, probably strangled. Followed a customer who promised her to help her out of her "career" when she was in her thirties and growing too old to dance half-naked.
I can see the garden, or rather: yard with the swing. I can see myself wearing a child's nightshirt at age 12 or so, like they were common from the early 1900's until my childhood in this life. I can see the street leading to the Methodist (?) church, clearly.

Problem is, that I also got something like "Grand Street". There are only two Dunvilles or Dunnvilles, and in neither of them you can find a Grand Street. I also couldn't find anything about an unsolved murder case concerning an Evelyn Sanders or Summers.

I am not sure about the time. Saw myself sitting on a bank before a window, in an entresol, like old houses sometimes have them. I could see the high heels and stockings or garters I was wearing. From their looks, it could be anything between the 1920's and the 1980's.

Is this a cover-up for something else? For something like WW2 (no memories yet, just very vague feelings) or Nam? Or was I Evelyn? How much can I trust my own memories? Can I trust them at all? Maybe the particular video I used just didn't work properly for me... I don't know. Still putting it here, just in case someone has heard of this Evelyn. While I do not have to prove anything to anyone, it would be nice to finally have a bit more than just a "could have been", just for myself. Sometimes the odds seem to point towards the direction that it is more likely that I am crazy than having actual memories. I do not like the idea that I am just crazy, of course.

Fact is, I cannot stand tight collars or anything too tight around my neck.

Still won't explain my feelings of guilt, shame and not deserving anything good I was suffering from for many years.
Click to expand...
You do incarnate as female and male, but depending on your soul energy, you will have more lifetimes as male or female.
 
SeekerOfKnowledge said:
The case of Evelyn

Got this from a self-regression. There are some problems with the info I got.

Evelyn Sanders or Summers, grew up in Dunville or Dunnville, moved to New York to become an actress, but ended up as a dancer in a bar. Was murdered, probably strangled. Followed a customer who promised her to help her out of her "career" when she was in her thirties and growing too old to dance half-naked.
I can see the garden, or rather: yard with the swing. I can see myself wearing a child's nightshirt at age 12 or so, like they were common from the early 1900's until my childhood in this life. I can see the street leading to the Methodist (?) church, clearly.

Problem is, that I also got something like "Grand Street". There are only two Dunvilles or Dunnvilles, and in neither of them you can find a Grand Street. I also couldn't find anything about an unsolved murder case concerning an Evelyn Sanders or Summers.

I am not sure about the time. Saw myself sitting on a bank before a window, in an entresol, like old houses sometimes have them. I could see the high heels and stockings or garters I was wearing. From their looks, it could be anything between the 1920's and the 1980's.

Is this a cover-up for something else? For something like WW2 (no memories yet, just very vague feelings) or Nam? Or was I Evelyn? How much can I trust my own memories? Can I trust them at all? Maybe the particular video I used just didn't work properly for me... I don't know. Still putting it here, just in case someone has heard of this Evelyn. While I do not have to prove anything to anyone, it would be nice to finally have a bit more than just a "could have been", just for myself. Sometimes the odds seem to point towards the direction that it is more likely that I am crazy than having actual memories. I do not like the idea that I am just crazy, of course.

Fact is, I cannot stand tight collars or anything too tight around my neck.

Still won't explain my feelings of guilt, shame and not deserving anything good I was suffering from for many years.
Click to expand...
One more thing figure out your pattern, overlap all the information that you gather through out this lifetime. There be things that will come out consistently. You'll seperate the lies from the truth.
 
Hi Seeker,
I just reread the whole thread (noticing posts I knew and posts I had missed during the years).
I can relate to so many of your insecurities and your critical eye during the regressive states of mind.

There are so many things that come up now, probably because I am in the same process as you at the moment, trying to get more sense from my past lives during this period of isolation.

There is one thing that strikes me in one of your comments on yourself.

SeekerOfKnowledge said:
The rest COULD be, just feels to good to be true. I was happy all the time. What makes no sense here is that I felt in a more "spirtually developed" state thousands of years ago? I felt this inner freedom, peace and happiness you sometimes get when you do a lot of meditation and other stuff in that direction ALL THE TIME.
Click to expand...

I think this is an important 'thing' to meditate on another occasion. Your way of thinking/interpreting this is very linear. Like we start as a baby soul and we desperately need to evolve to gain some improvements. Just imagine yourself the possibility that this isn't true. Imagine yourself to already be an entirely complete soul who just came down to Earth to live a chain of lives (for whatever reason). Imagine that in your first lives the connection to your Higher Self is still very strong because there are not many distractions or conflicts that interfere with this connection. Only through a long chain of consecutive lives, you finally manage to lose this connection and you're able to enter realms of individualism, loneliness, and feelings of separation.

Just as an exercise, just imagine that reaching this state was the sole purpose after all. Only you can evaluate.
 
Thank you, fireflydancing.
There have been times when I wondered about the linearity of time, because when I put what I seem to remember in chronological order, it seemed to make no sense.
It also could have been a message rather than a memory. Showing me what it possible. What I can have at any time (happiness that comes from the inside and doing something I love with a hint of what kind of "job" I would love doing). Should be possible to get there again and more or less stay there.

Thank you, Ernesto.
I have been looking for patterns anyway and each time I return after a break sooner or later I reach a point where I look for patterns rather than personas. I wish to reach the point again when it is like with Agatha, when I can be an observer, when I can take it like reading an old book.
 
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Tried the fourth one again, the one which focuses on the positive. While I didn't get much and not only happy memories, the bad things I seemed to "feel" through a veil so that they didn't really affect the "me" here and now and that "me" that isn't connected to a single life.

Pictured myself in some small open space between buildings, much like what a typical ancient Roman villa would have. I was sitting on the stones of some fountain, burying my head in my hands. Can't say much about my clothing, but dark color, simple, a bit messy, but clean. I seemed to be a young adult man. Could faintly "picture" church bells ringing (or something similar). Can't say what it was that was going on out there, but while feeling excluded on the one hand, I felt that there was something going on outside, some kind of celebration, where I was supposed to be but what I just couldn't face, for what reason ever. I knew I was desperate back then, but thankfully it didn't really affect me (like experienced through a veil). My hair was long and brownish, much like in my current life (before it went white).
What year? Nothing really came to mind.

Job? No idea, somehow I stumbled upon the word "job".

Is there a place you call home? No. Or are you a nomad? No. Could you go to that place? Yes, no, there are places I could go to, but wouldn't call them home.
Pictured myself in a forest. Seeking solitude. Being away from people. The regression made me walk, but I rather felt like running or riding... to calm down.

Later through that session I pictured a wooden countryside house. Not very big, but also not tiny. Furniture and decoration seemed to be relatively simple. Like a farm house. Or like a hunting lodge, just bigger. Simple and comfortable. There was that girl. She was wearing a fancy dress in a pinkish color. And a middle-aged woman. Wearing dark colors. This place felt like a sanctuary. Like here I could drop all masks, all worries and feel free, like a human being. As for the girl and the woman, there's a feeling of being understood and taken as who I am (while maybe nobody else did).

Preparing food? Yes, There was some stone oven. I seem to have liked to prepare simple dishes like roasted meat and roasted bread. I actually enjoyed that.

Happiest day was a huge celebration I was part of. Everyone was cheering and happy.

What have I learned? Not entirely clear.
What to learn? Also not entirely clear.
 
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