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how important was prom ?

Jaimie

Jaimie

Senior Member
Hi,

I have had only a few flashes of memories from a life that ended in the 1920's recently ( before I had tons but have now fortunately been closed, it was too much ).

What has come up - I can't say if it was real or not, which is why I posted this thread.

Not coming from America I have still seen on Television programs about prom night and understand that it is a big deal.

In my flashes this has come up: There was talk about an upcoming event ( Prom ). I was suddenly in my boyfriend ( later husband ) home, the big fancy home, in his father's office ( home office ). There I felt my cheek go red ( of embarrassment and of getting upset with him ). My boyfriend was no where in sight. From what I got out of this moment was that his father did not want me to be serious about his son, and apparently showing up together at prom meant something ??

The other scene is that the boyfriend would look at me in a quick, pissed-off-look, a glance, where he stood in a crowd with other young people. It felt as if we were no more a couple.

I had a very strong feeling that I hated him. And I hated that I still loved him.

I hated also all the girls at the school, or so it felt at the time.

I saw him speaking to another girl. So I hated him. And I thought well, not some nice thoughts about her. She was shining up around him.

Then a scene where I think I was at a library. I could feel that pissed-off-look at me from some corner. He was there to. I chose to look down in my books. Then suddenly, he came storming about. Sat himself prompt down, opposite me at the table. He took his hand over the book I was reading. He was pissed off, again, and yet he wanted to talk to me, but I wanted my book back, and get his hands off it. It ended with me getting up. I had tears in my eyes. I half walked, half ran away from there. I saw him nothing but a bully. I saw that the entire prom thing as another humiliation, something I was not invited to. And now he would go, as if he had to go, but he would go with someone else.

Then, things were either at the beginning of all this or at the end. I can't say. It was as if he tried to pursue me to go. That I said I had no dress did not count. He did not believe it. Besides, he then thought he would get me a dress.

I don't have any flashes of them actually going to the prom.

I have a strong feeling that she did not dare to tell her ex ( ? ) boyfriend about what his father had told her, like it was their secret. I also felt that she thought his father was no nice man at all. Not like her own father. Her own father would treat her boyfriend with kindness, but he was a genuine kind man.

I suppose my question is could parents decide who their son would take to a prom ? I suppose there is something symbolic about this that I just don't understand - could someone please explain this to me ?

In my flashes all of this was so big, so important - and I don't get it.

I think we are in the time period of 1910-1915 or so ? It is difficult to say.

Please - tell ! : )

I would love to know

/ Jaimie
 
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Hi Jaimie,

I think things of this type have always been very important to young people--especially females. In my experience, unattached people will try to find someone to go with them and it is understood that it is a shared experience but not necessarily the beginning of anything more lasting. OTOH, if you are attached to someone, that is definitely the person you would be going with unless there was an extremely good reason not to (perhaps your boyfriend is out of the country in the military and urges you to go and have a good time without him (probably with a fellow who is not seen as romantic competition)).

However, among young people there are always cliques, in-groups, out-groups, etc. Also, there are status issues. There are high status females and high status males. Likewise, there are low status males/females. Plus, there is a large group in-between. From what I can tell, your love was a high status young male from a wealthy family and an athlete. He would normally have been expected by everyone to have chosen a "high status" female to ask to a prom. You were, to yourself and to everyone else perhaps, a low status female. For him to ask you was not only unusual, but would likely cause jealous resentment among many other females who felt like they were passed over for someone much less worthy. Plus, as you seem to indicate, it might well have been disapproved of by his family and friends for the same reasons. They might even have been scandalized if your suspicions about mixed-race are true.

In terms of the impact of parental disapproval on the young man, remember that it was a much different age. Women were expected to respect and obey the wishes of their husbands, and young people were likewise expected to respect and obey the wishes of their parents--especially their fathers. Not all women or young people did so, of course, but this was the societal expectation. And, at the least it was expected that the appearance of respect for parents and parental standards would be upheld in public even if war was raging at home. So, the opinions and wishes of a father could definitely have had a very big impact. This is especially true as financial support and inheritance can be at stake.

Cordially,
S&S
 
SeaAndSky said:
Hi Jaimie,

I think things of this type have always been very important to young people--especially females. In my experience, unattached people will try to find someone to go with them and it is understood that it is a shared experience but not necessarily the beginning of anything more lasting. OTOH, if you are attached to someone, that is definitely the person you would be going with unless there was an extremely good reason not to (perhaps your boyfriend is out of the country in the military and urges you to go and have a good time without him (probably with a fellow who is not seen as romantic competition)).

However, among young people there are always cliques, in-groups, out-groups, etc. Also, there are status issues. There are high status females and high status males. Likewise, there are low status males/females. Plus, there is a large group in-between. From what I can tell, your love was a high status young male from a wealthy family and an athlete. He would normally have been expected by everyone to have chosen a "high status" female to ask to a prom. You were, to yourself and to everyone else perhaps, a low status female. For him to ask you was not only unusual, but would likely cause jealous resentment among many other females who felt like they were passed over for someone much less worthy. Plus, as you seem to indicate, it might well have been disapproved of by his family and friends for the same reasons. They might even have been scandalized if your suspicions about mixed-race are true.

In terms of the impact of parental disapproval on the young man, remember that it was a much different age. Women were expected to respect and obey the wishes of their husbands, and young people were likewise expected to respect and obey the wishes of their parents--especially their fathers. Not all women or young people did so, of course, but this was the societal expectation. And, at the least it was expected that the appearance of respect for parents and parental standards would be upheld in public even if war was raging at home. So, the opinions and wishes of a father could definitely have had a very big impact. This is especially true as financial support and inheritance can be at stake.

Cordially,
S&S
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Hi S & S !

Thank you so much !

I tried to read on the Internet about it but it did not describe ( at least from what I have read ) these unspoken but still very existing "social rules" you write about, and you taking the potential background in consideration the way you did explains it in a good way that I can better understand it, thanks a lot. : )
 
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The "score keeping" by everyone, especially the girls about the number of "invitations" they had received, the After-Prom parties, and exploring your limits with a "New" date (except for me of course!).
 
Nobody Special said:
I was a non-entity in HS, didn't have any kind of a social life. I didn't go to prom/homecoming/dances, etc...
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I'm sorry : (
I was with the so called popular group in school, due to I think childhood friends were in it, but did not want to be there and objected to a lot of things, then moved willingly away from this group ( who I found terribly superficial at times and having a need to climb on others to feel better about themselves, I have always been against bullying and refused to get together with a guy because of his treatment of another girl that I liked very much, who was nothing but a sweet and kind human being who's only "crime" was that by her looks she belonged to a minority. All the other girls would always want to borrow things from her and then pretend at school as if they were not her friend. I couldn't believe it. I was so disgusted with the boy in particular, I guess because I had hoped he was a better person than some of the girls. I was very shy, but i knew I could never imagine myself being with such a person, he did not get it of course - used to getting any girl he wanted in his own limited world view. One time he got so pissed off with me he pulled my hair ( who does that, a 3 year old ?? ). I know we were all young and all, but to be pretend to be so big when in reality he was so small... Anyway, thank God those insecure years are over and done with ).
/Jaimie
 
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Thanks, Jamie.

I always hated the plastic faced crowd too. I had one or two running buddies when I was in HS. We used to drink and cruise the town, maybe go shoot jack rabbits on the weekends, but that was about it. As a young man, I enlisted in the Army and eventually made something of my self (there is that resonance in your soul again). A lot of my buds wanted me to go to dance clubs with them. I always hated that environment. At first I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn't merge and be superficial like they could. I always called it wearing a plastic face. I did find a few bars to hang out in where some of my peers, the ones with a more serious side, would congregate and express thoughts and concepts, and tell war stories. That was when I realized two things. I was accepted as a peer, which was new to me, and that the plastic face people are worthy of nothing but pity.
 
I have what to me is an interesting story that fits in here. One of my granddaughters loves horses, bought one, and became friends with the people where the horse was boarded. My granddaughter had not accepted a prom invitation and the woman who owned the farm felt sorry for her. The woman was from California and had a sister there with two sons, both of which had been in Hollywood movies. Arrangements were made in secret to surprise my granddaughter with a Hollywood actor prom-date.

It was a surprise, but the older one bowed out and the younger one of the two boys did the deed. I think he was my granddaughter's age, but got along with her younger brother better than her. Anyway, it made the local newspapers where trolls jumped all over it crying about "rich" people, yada, yada [which they aren't] until it got sickening.
 
Proms are a little different here in the UK. It's much more of a "party" vibe to it, from what I can still remember of mine, but it still had the popular and unpopular factions [I belonged in the latter]. I didn't really get up to much at mine; I had a jolly time with friends, but I didn't really hit the dance-floor. I didn't really have the right crowd to dance with.

I simply treated it as more of a formal function, as we were all dressed up in our finery and sitting around tables as one does at a wedding reception. Come to think of it, it was very much a wedding reception full of teenagers!!
 
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