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My 2-yr-old obsessed with past life... Need help

Thank you so much for updating us on your story. I am really glad that things are turning in the right direction for you and your family. I had good experiences with Reiki healing for healing my past life wounds as well. I wish you all the best.
 
Thank you for posting your daughter's experiences. I am very glad you followed Carol's advice and your daughter is on a journey toward healing. I have long believed that what we do should be about healing and helping, that is far more important (at least to me) than any research out there.


There simply is no reason, in my mind, for a child to suffer if we can alleviate it.


I look forward to reading more as your daughter heals. Who knows .. part of her journey may be in helping others as she grows, just as my daughter has done now that she is an adult and with the help of many here is in a good place with her memories and abilities.


A very important thing for me was for my daughter to always know that no matter what I was there for her and I believed her. It is the same, even as an adult living far away ... and as the mother of a reincarnated child of her own ...


((Hugs to you and your family))
 
New turn of events... Nightmares


Dear Friends,


I hope you don´t mind me writing here while my memories are still with me... I also have a couple of questions.


So, we had a hard time last night with my daughter as she had a really deep episode in which she remembered a lot more details of what happened to her. In general, when she talks about her past life, it is a mix of deep fears and as a witness of what others suffered. But last night she started talking about what happened to her as a torture victim. And with that, her "episodes mood" changed dramatically from being very afraid, to being extremely angry. She´s being angry all morning long (since 5 am).


Now, as someone who has talked to torture survivors (a quick note here, as part of my master´s thesis I collected oral histories of survivors of the war in El Salvador... That´s how I came to hear those stories), I know that anger is definitely a common symptom to all of them... What I´m starting to wonder is how long will it take for my daughter to process all of this. Years? Until she is old enough to get therapy? Will the nightmares continue as an adult? Have some of you had a similar experience?


Together with the nightmares, she´s having pain on her right hand and right leg, where the men hurt her. She has complained of those aches before, but last night she explained what happened (sorry I don´t write any details here... I think there´s no need). After a few hours of this, I tried to explain to her that that happened in another lifetime, that she´s ok and safe with us. Oh, I wasn´t prepared for what came next... She simply screamed at the top of her lungs, "It wasn´t another life!!!!"


Ok, so. Obviously she is too young to understand the difference, and the pain and the dreams are too vivid for her to think otherwise. The last thing I want her to think is that I am not taking her, her anger, and her pain seriously. Finally, right before she collapsed exhausted for her nap, we agreed today that she was going to be an angry baby lion... I mean, she has the right to be angry (as long as she doesn´t hit us, or the cat, which she sometimes do), and she can roar all she wants.


But man, this is so hard... I wish I could "reason" with her but I can´t. I haven´t tried the "storytelling" again, but even if I did I´m not even sure what I would say. I´m at a loss for words and strategies.


peace,


sofia
 
This isn't much help but it sounds like there is much more she needs to "get off her chest". Just being able to talk about it may be helping her. Having parents who don't think she is crazy is helpful. So you have been involved with these stories before? Interesting. Maybe that's why she chose you to be her parents. You would understand. Little did you know what you were getting yourself into when you chose that topic for your thesis. Have you ever watched the TV program "Ghost Within My Child"? Your daughter is probably too young but they are getting ready to film season 2 and are asking for new families with children who remember their past lives. Carol is an adviser for the producers of the show.
 
I think she's too young and vulnerable to have her case presented on television, but I am not a professional, obviously. I think having her act out her anger as a baby lion is perfect, Sofia. We discuss children's past lives here in theory a lot, but dealing with such a tiny child experiencing such painful memories is sobering. I'm afraid of making a suggestion that would be "wrong", but you have my prayers for your daughter's emotional healing.
 
Hi Sofia,


I can sympathize with your worry over all of this, especially when you have to witness it first hand with such a young and innocent child. But as difficult as it is, I think you can take some positives out of this latest turn of events. Personally I think processing traumatic past life memories is very similar to dealing with grief, or mourning a loss in our present lives. I'm sure you must be familiar with the 5 stages of loss and grief: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. I think your daughter's outburst could be taken as a sign of progress, which indicates that you are doing everything you can to help her through this, which is a good thing right?


I don't think this is something that can be resolved overnight. Continue to be there for your daughter, keep on assuring her that she is safe and loved, and that you are not going to let any harm come her way. Don't be afraid to contact Carol again, she's an expert in all of this, and as always, we are here to support you while you support your daughter. Try not to worry, everything WILL be ok. Better that she is working this out now rather than bottling it up for later. hug2.gif
 
Sofia,


First of all, I wouldn't recommend contacting the TV people for this. I don't think you're even considering that.


There are no simple or pat answers I can provide as to how long it will take for your daughter to let go of this extremely painful experience. But, I'd have to agree with the others: perhaps your daughter came to you because of your experience with victims of torture. It's beyond coincidence, in my mind. Use what you learned from your interviews about this type of trauma. What are the stages people go through? Fear, anger, acceptance, forgiveness?


It seems that she is moving beyond the fear into anger. Maybe that's progress. I think that you're going to have to hang in there with her and let her express the anger--get it out of her system. I love your idea of letting her be an roaring lion. That's brilliant. Let her roar! Ask her what the lion needs to do--or something like that. Engage her.


I would also massage her legs or parts of her body where she said she was hurt. Use your intuition on this, but give her some comforting words about healing those parts of her body that may have been affected before. Let her know that you take her pain and anger seriously. Tell her directly while she's expressing her feelings. But give her an outlet, as you did with the roaring.


I'm surprised that she was so adamant about her experiences being in this life. She's still really "in" the experience. I think a part of that does have to do with her young age and the intensity of what she is remembering. The good thing is that she has enough verbal skills to let you know what's going on, so you can figure out how to talk to her.


I don't believe that this is something she will have to carry with her for very long. I think she's doing a really good job of expressing the memory of her experience and releasing the emotions. That's the key.


I think she is so into her experience, that the storytelling or using dolls or toys to help her act out the story may have to wait until later, after some of this energy has been released. Your use judgment on this. You may try to "remove her" from the situation, but it doesn't sound as if she's willing to do that. Let her go through the cathartic episodes and then give her the reassurance or stories that distance her from what she's remembering.


Although you may feel helpless because of the raw intensity of her reactions, I feel that your instincts are right. You're coming up with strategies as you go along, and that's all you can do at this point. Be in the moment with her, and know that you can help her.


I really can't be more specific than that without being there.


Keep us posted! And please keep a journal, which will help you and the rest of us understand where she is in the process.


If you would like to call me, email me and we can arrange a time to talk.
 
I didn't see Chris's post before I submitted mine. But I think we're both in agreement that this is a process, and something you're familiar with from your work. Thank goodness for that!


This is a difficult situation, but I sincerely believe you can help her.
 
Is it possible that when she yelled:

sofiajt said:
"It wasn´t another life!!!!"
Click to expand...
What she meant was, that was no way to live? It was wrong, it was no life?


The terrible twos and threes are rough. Their bodies do not do what they want them to. They want to say something, but do not have the words to express it.


If it were me, I would give "reasoning with her" another try. Age appropriate, of course. Kids are a lot more sophisticated than we sometimes give them credit for. They are also amazingly resilient.


Hang in there, mom (and dad). You are doing great.
 
The others have given you great advice, I would just like to give you a {{hug}}.


There is no mistake she chose you to be her parent. Thesis you wrote was so you would be able to help her. Amazing ....
 
Dear Friends,


Sorry I haven´t written... Thanks for all the great words of support. I do agree that my daughter made the conscious decision to pick her parents... I do hope I am up for that challenge!!


So, yes and yes. The steps for recovery for a victim of violence (not necessarily in that order) are denial, sadness, anger, acceptance... growth, strength. It does seem that my daughter is going through most of these (very hard to wage denial on a 2-year-old). One pattern I have noticed is that she goes through periods of remembrance (Carol, I´m thinking of what you said about how the unconsciousness knows how to manage the information, what should come out, when and how)... "Episodes" as I call them, where the memories are incredibly vivid and clear. She is "in" them, yes, and with the limited vocabulary she knows she manages to be very detailed about them.


To be honest, the only person that I interviewed who went through that kind of detail was the very one who had been able to get past her traumatic experience in the healthiest way.


So, she goes through her "episode" for a couple of days, obsesses about it, has problems sleeping, seems nervous and angry (or sad), and then she goes back to her happy, adamantly independent self. No, she does not understand the difference between "then" and "now", but it really doesn´t seem to matter... What is most important I think is:


- that we help her communicate (even teaching her new words as she goes through the experience), asking questions of clarification,


- that she knows we are listening, intently,


- that she knows we are here for her, that she will be protected, that those "men" are not here with us,


- when she´s at her worst: music, painting and open spaces (like the park),


- and that we empower her...


This last one was my husband´s discovery. Now, when she goes to bed and remembers "el papo" (this man with sunglasses, white beard and blue eyes, or blue uniform, or both, I´m not sure. But he´s definitely in charge of the men...), my husband taught her to tell him to go away. "Go away, papo! Don´t bother me! Seriously, I´m going to sleep now and you need to go away. Let me sleep. Go to sleep. Goodbye, now. Thank you." Magical words... She sleeps like a baby (finally!!).


A quick note: My husband himself is a victim of torture, so yes, she did pick us...


peace,


sofia


Ps: Oh, no worries about the TV show... No intention of putting my girl through that (we don´t even have a tv). And Carol, I am trying to write it down... promise. :D Thanks again for all your help and counseling!
 
Sofia,


Your comments are so helpful! I believe you have a good grasp on what is happening, and your training with victims certainly helps. (Who would have thought you'd need to use this knowledge with your own child!)


I like your husband's suggestions to your daughter at bedtime to tell "el papo" to go away and let her sleep.


As Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, all of these stages of grief (or trauma) can happen in any order. And I trust that your daughter's unconscious is re-living these experiences in a measure that is manageable, without completely overwhelming her. You see that in the episodic way in which she is remembering.


This is so instructive to all of us. Thank you for sharing your clarity with us. It will help many other parents too.


Please keep us posted, and let us know how you're doing.


THANK YOU!


Carol
 
Sofia, I am in awe of the wisdom you and your husband are showing in this difficult situation. Your daughter really did choose the perfect parents to help her. Blessings, Briar
 
Sofia, could it be that your daughter actually is someone from your husband´s past? Where would you place her memories historically? Unfortunately, I am not too familiar with Central/South American history, that is why I am asking...Thank you!
 
Dear Sofia


I am a Mother of a little boy who was tortured in a past life and is recalling his past in some detail. I was beside myself with worry and e-mailed Carol who pointed me in this forums direction.


It is a relief to tell someone, and to read that another Mother has this experience with her young child.I will follow the items you listed with my son when the time is right.


I asked him to draw a picture last night and describe what he was drawing as he is only 3 and he explained where he was kept and what the man and the female looked like.


Thank you for the inspiration from across the ocean
 
Ukwood,


Please share what you told me with the Forum members in a separate thread. We can all help you, including Sofia, who is going through a similar situation with her daughter now.


You had a good idea to get your son to draw what he was remembering.


We are here to help you. Some of the members, and especially Sofia, might be able to give you some ideas as to how to help. Also, it might be good for us to follow what's happening, so we can offer some guidance as your son's story unfolds. It is a process, and it can change from day to day.


As I suggested to you, please find a copy of Children's Past Lives and read it ASAP. It will help you too.


Carol
 
Dear friends and dear Carol,


So sorry I haven´t written in a while, I´ve been very busy working... I had promised to write down more details about my daughter´s experience...


First, an update. So yes, my daughter is still remembering details about her past life, and I really have come to the realization that she will do so for a few years. I am guessing that the reasons are:


- her experience involves several different traumas (the death of her loved ones, her witnessing other people´s torture, her own torture and death),


- she still, until this day (she will be two next week), has not vocalized the difference between "then" and "now". And I have stopped pushing that issue on her... Sirens are still a huge trigger for her, as I guess was the beginning of that other experience.


Now, of course, that doesn´t make me happy per se... I haven´t talked about us much, my husband and I, but it IS an exhausting experience. It is a painful experience. After all, who wants your toddler to be talking about horrendous things that humans do to each other? We are strange beings. But I do hope that it helps me to practice some compassion towards all people, the good and the damaged... (That reminds me that one person I interviewed, when I asked him if he was angry at his torturers, he said, "Oh no, they suffered too, greatly. I mean, there is always a sadistic one or two, but most of them I could tell were suffering as much as I was. Maybe even more.")


So anyway, yes, my daughter is still talking about her past life (sorry I don´t write her name down, but she has a very unique name, and I do want to protect her privacy a bit). I think she might be getting closer to her death, I am not sure. The other day she talked about her grandmother... When the police came for them, her grandmother opened the door, "Because she wasn´t afraid of the wolves, mom, she wasn´t afraid but they ate her." The wolves allegory is a new one because she likes the story Little Red Riding Hood (although I do change the ending, instead of the wolf being hurt, we give him a tamal -like a taco- and he leaves happy. After all... It was just a hungry wolf trying to get something to eat...).


So my daughter hides under the bed, she has very very vivid memories of how the underside of the bed looks, with a lot of "eyes"... wood knots (but interestingly, is not scared about hiding underneath OUR bed, she loves it), but they find her and take her. There are a lot more details, but I rather not say... It was extremely hard to hear her talk about it, BUT, she didn´t seem that scared or hurt like before... It was more like she was telling me a story (like a mix of Little Red Riding Hood and her past life... Remember she can´t really differentiate the two).


But yes, it seems that her unconscious is doing a good job of letting out the painful memories at a level and rate that she can handle them... The information about losing her grandmother (whom she obviously greatly admired and loved) is something new. But she also opened the door (which I don´t think she couldn´t have, anyhow)... I wonder if there is something else there too...


What I have learned, though, is that there needs to be a very delicate balance between asking her for more information (I usually limit myself to saying, "Then what happened", and repeating the last thing she said, "You were scared, then" or "They hurt you"), and stopping when she´s done. Because when she´s done, she´s done.


BUT, what IS new, is that the other day when she was taking her bath, she started using the shampoo bottles to act out her experience but THIS time, she hugged all of them (like 5 or 6 bottles) and said, "I´ll protect you muchachos, you´ll see, the papo can´t hurt you. The wolve is going to eat HIM."


(more below...)
 
She look so empowered, so strong... My goodness, the look on her face was so different from before. This little one is going to get me in trouble... hahaha


One thing I haven´t mentioned before (to all the parents out there that might be going through this)... Is that yes, the signs were there since she was a little baby. She hated sirens and barking dogs. Always woke her up. I didn´t notice nightmares, though, until she was older, and when she started talking it all came out in a FLOOD... That lasted about 2 weeks, and since then it comes and goes every 2-4 days... I think the breaks are getting longer...


The other thing I noticed is that there are things also that she LIKES remembering, like her grandmother, or dresses... I wish I could help her in that way too. But it´s always harder to remember the happy memories, isn´t it?


Someone asked me if I thought she came from a past life in my husband´s life, yes, maybe. There is something there... But in general, you know, I think it doesn´t matter... I mean, the details helps in finding out the fears, the paranoias, the triggers, but in general, it could have been anywhere. It is surviving and overcoming the trauma that matters most. Spiritually, I have no idea what is going on... Really. It is a mystery to me.


Ok, tired, gotta go...


much love to everyone, and peace,


sofia
 
sofia, I love how you mentioned that your little girl has some happy memories from that life. It helps us all to remember that even the lives that we consider to have been the worst had some happiness in them. Many of us need to realize that with the lives we have now. Your post reminds me how wise the souls of little children are, and of Isaiah 11:6. "The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard lie down with the kid........ and a little child shall lead them.
 
Sofia


I am really glad she chose you to be her Mom. You are doing a wonderful job with her. I think the bathtub with the shampoo bottles shows that you are helping her take control of the situation.


Many hugs to you. I cannot imagine the road you are traveling. My daughter's memories were of being a prostitute. Quite shocking but not heartbreaking like yours are.


I can tell you from my experience that with your help your child will grow into a successful adult. Mine now is married,has a baby of her own and plans to be a lactation consultant.
 
PTSD symptoms


Dear Friends,


So, hope you don´t mind me using this as a journal, more or less, since I really don´t get to write things down too much on my own... My daughter spent like a month without remembering things, except it is always hard to put her to sleep since she is afraid of having nightmares.


She hadn´t said "papo" at all until the day before yesterday, when she started having flashbacks again. New, more detailed flashbacks about her imprisonment and the death of her little brother, who was hit behind the head. Then, something about water again, which I´m still not sure how it plays in the picture but it such a KEY element in all of this... I have to remember that. But I can´t imagine how hard it must have been for her to feel like she couldn´t protect her brother. I also have to remember that. Then... it seemed like she started to remember her death, but I´m not really sure. Something about a girl having flowers all over her eyes, her arms, her mouth. But I´m not sure whether she was talking about herself or someone else...


Also, I can't seem to identify any triggers for these new memories... They just started happening while taking a bath (water).


Today she surprised me greatly. She is often scared of helicopters and planes. She said "Mami avión, cuidado, bomba! (mom, plane, watch out, bomb!)" She has never heard or seen pictures or videos of "bomba". It is definitely a word from the past... It always takes me by surprise when she does that. But it also confirms the fact that wherever she was, she spoke Spanish.


Now, the reason why I'm writing this is because on those days that she has flashbacks, she presents clear signs of PTSD symptoms (I'll copy and paste what I found on a site):


Re-experiencing the event


- recurrent and intrusive (unwanted) memories of the event


- distressing dreams or nightmares of the event


- acting or feeling as though the event were happening again (flashbacks)


- distress and fear when reminded of the event


- physiological reactivity (feeling jumpy, startled, or anxious) when reminded of the event


Persistent feelings of anxiety or physical reactivity


- difficulty falling or staying asleep


- cranky, irritable, or angry


- problems paying attention or concentrating


- overly aware of noises or other cues that remind them of the event (smells, visual cues)


- exaggerated startle response


http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/ptsd.html#


BUT, she doesn't present the following:


- lack of interest and participation in activities (ON THE CONTRARY, IT HELPS HER TONS TO BE BUSY DOING ACTIVITIES)


- feeling detached or estranged from others (ON THE CONTRARY, SHE LOVES BEING WITH OTHERS TO KEEP HER MIND OFF IT)


- limited range of emotions (ON THE CONTRARY, HER EMOTIONS FLOW FROM ANGER TO DEEP SADNESS TO ANGER AGAIN)


I think what is hardest is that she doesn't understand what death is... therefore, cannot really help her having closure with that. And she JUST started understanding the concepts of "tomorrow" and "yesterday"... So the "past life" seems rather complex (or maybe not... I haven't said anything about that since she screamed last time that this wasn't about a past life. Maybe I should give it a try again...).


So anyway... I thought there for a sec whether it would be good to do some therapy for the PTSD symptoms, but then again, I do believe that past regression therapy would work best. Just WHEN is the question. Carol, any suggestions?


peace to all,


Sofia
 
Sorry... I forgot to mention the whole point of the story. So, these past two days, when she remembers things she gets extremely angry and irritable, to the point that she tries to hit me or slap me. And stays irritable all day, doesn´t like to be held, hugged... I have to slowly walk my way through to her. Try to be very strict about the NO HITTING, but I do recognize where it´s coming from.


She is generally a very loving child and has been learning to be cuddly. Seriously, learning. She didn´t used to like to be held when she was going to sleep and now she asks for it... It´s like in some ways she is reclaiming her right to be a child. But in other ways, she is extremely mature to the point that now that we are looking for a preschool, the teachers always ask me if she is three. She is also starting to recognize letters, which makes me think she will be reading at a very young age...


Anyway, that´s where my story coming that I think she´s suffering from PTSD symptoms.


peace,


sofia
 
Sofia,


There is no question that when children remember traumatic past life memories, many are experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). (Thanks for posting those lists.) As with anyone experiencing PTSD, not all the behaviors or feelings will be expressed, or expressed in one time frame, but may come out over time in different ways. Certain things might trigger her, but the flow of feelings and images may be coming at a pace guided by her unconscious--or soul, if you will. It's as if she needed a break from the intensity, and now more is coming up.


Has there been an opportune moment when you can ask her what happened after she died? It's not clear from what you're saying. But if she does get to the point when she says, "Then I died…", or something close, you may ask her, and then what happened? Some children then talk about being in "heaven", or choosing parents, or coming back as a little baby.


I think in your daughter's case, she's still very young, so it is difficult for her to distinguish past from present. I would use simple language with her to explain that she is now in a different body, with a different mommy and daddy, and that "el papo" or whatever scares her in the moment, can't hurt her now.


It's good that you are writing this all down, because now you understand what could be still be troubling her from her past experiences, so you may be able to address them directly as they come up again. For example, if she is distraught about what happened to her brother, or you feel that she is carrying guilt about that, you might suggest that he is safe now, or that there was nothing she could do, or whatever you feel is appropriate in that moment that she will understand. Remember that you are talking to your daughter, but you are also talking to her on her soul's level. Sometimes they understand more than we realize when talking to them on that level. Here's where you intuition comes in. You are straddling two worlds with her that are connected in her mind and body. That's part of the mystery, and part of the difficulty in knowing what to say to her.


You are her witness and her guide.


She is still too young for past life therapy---even if there were therapists near you trained to work with past lives. At this age, you can probably help her more than a therapist, unless you found someone who is trained to work with PTSD in children that age who also understands that her symptoms are from a past life experience. That's the key.


The offer still stands if you feel you need to talk this through on the phone, when specific things are coming up. I think that you can help her work through this over time. There is just no way to determine how much time it will take.


Carol
 
One more comment:


You already have an incredible insight and a grasp of what's going on with your daughter. As you said, "she is learning to be cuddly". After a trauma such as she experienced, I would imagine she has to learn how to trust people again. She has to feel safe again with touching. You know this: "She is reclaiming her right to be a child." Beautifully expressed. And it sounds as if you're making good progress.


Please keep us posted. Use the Forum as your journal. It will help all of us.


Thanks.
 
My goodness... I swear I wouldn't know what to do without your help, Carol, and forum friends (I got a hug on another separate thread...). It makes me feel... normal.


Carol said, "Remember that you are talking to your daughter, but you are also talking to her on her soul's level. Sometimes they understand more than we realize when talking to them on that level."


What awesome advice... Yes, I have to do that! I should do that... I'm gonna go all intellectual on my little one and see how she reacts! :D


And no, still no talk of her death, Carol. I think it would be make it easier, then again, I think if she were older this would all be just too overwhelming! She has never mentioned the word death... When she is ready.


I guess we should talk on the phone... Just have to do it some time when my daughter is not here. I'll talk to my hubbie and let you know.


peace, love,


sofia


Ps:I asked my husband how he made it through all the suffering through war and loss. He said that it was the links of love that saved him, his granddaughter (from a different relationship), my daughter and I. It makes him feel like he could start again. I guess being born again is just like that... Like getting a second chance to feel human.


Ps2: He also said that he feels he survived so he could be there for our daughter... geez, big sigh.
 
Reading this makes me wonder how many children are diagnosed with major mental illnesses at a young age and medicated into a stupor when all they really need is loving open minded parents and someone like Carol to help them work through it?
 
I'm always amazed at how understanding and accepting all the parents are who make it as far as the Forum, especially those whose families regard reincarnation as crazy or in great conflict with what their religions teach.


As you can see, each child's case is different, and as parents, it's really up to us to trust our instincts to navigate through this. But it's great that we have this community to support each other and offer advice. Hopefully, this community will continue to grow and reach out to others.


So, by posting your story, Sofia, (and all the other members and moderators who post), we're all helping each other understand how to help our children.
 
hello everyone!


So... Today I think we moved forward a bit... My daughter was having a bad day, being very angry, very upset. She did talk a bit in the morning about her past life, something terrible she hadn't mentioned before... Triggered by construction sounds next door. I swear I've never heard anyone talk in so much detail about their torture. It's crazy. It seems to me most victims talk in generalities... But my state of shock seems to be diminishing as well...


Then in the afternoon, I decided to take a break. A friend of mine gave me another book to read, "Other Lives, Other Selves" by Roger Woolger... I hadn't even started and picked it up and laid down on the sofa hoping she would mimic me. My daughter all of sudden sat on my belly and said, "Mom, that's my book!" "Oh, really?" I said a bit surprised. "Yes..." she paused and started talking about the men again, how they knocked on the door to come take her. That was strange enough but I thought, ok, now's my chance...


So I started asking more questions than usual. Repeating things she had told me before, asking for clarifications, and she started filling in the gaps. Then, all of a sudden I said, "Sweetie, you really have to try to remember when you closed your eyes, when you died... Do you remember? You told me the men threw you..." "Yes, on a big log... It broke..." "And then what happened..." Silence.


"Remember, sweetie, because this body you have now is not the same as your body back then (I tried avoiding saying past life, which seems to confuse her). You are not the same. And back then you were in a lot of pain, but then you closed your eyes, and you were free, remember?"


Then all of a sudden she wanted to cuddle and lay next to me in the sofa, cuddling with me. I went on, touching her little chest, being very soft and tender, "I'm sorry you went through so much pain, sweetie, but it is over now. You closed your eyes. You died. You left your body and you were free of all the pain. You went to the light, remember? And came back to me as a little baby. Here in my belly... It's a new body, a new mommy and daddy. We love you and we will take care of you. You are safe now."


Then she said, "Mommy they crushed me, the men crushed me..." And then all of sudden her eyes rolled back and she fell asleep, deeply asleep... She took an hour-long nap in my arms... And then for a moment, she felt at peace.


When she woke up, she woke up scared and cried a little bit, but I don't know, my instincts tell me we made some progress... She was in a good mood before going to bed. She didn't talk about not wanting to go to sleep...


So I have no idea what that was... I was talking for her, but mind you, she has very limited vocabulary and sometimes I feel like she would say more if she just could... Crush (aplastar) is definitely a new word.


And yes, I can't imagine kids who have to go through this alone... It has to be incredibly disturbing and confusing. I just hope that most repress the memories until they are ready... Like we've talked before, many chose our parents, and I'm sure my daughter did some research before landing into our lives.


peace,


sofia
 
Sofia,


You are doing and saying exactly the right things in the moment. You are helping your daughter along at the gentle pace she needs. I think you're making progress. You might need to address her death again, when you sense the time is right. Trust your instincts on that.


At some point, when she can tell you what happened after she "closed her eyes," she may have the closure she needs with the past. But it might still take a while. I like the language that you used with her--describing death in terms she would understand.


I'm amazed that her memories are so detailed about the torture, and that she can express it. (It's interesting that the adults you interviewed about their torture spoke in generalities, but your daughter is specific and the memories are so clear.)


I feel that you're making great progress. A little bit of crying after she remembered being crushed, which I'm assuming is when she died, is not a bad thing. She's releasing some of those feelings. Once she makes the connection that she died, she might even cry more, just as a release. That can be a healing moment in this type of situation.


Maybe Roger Woolger was there guiding her. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised! (Roger died a few years ago.) That was a strange statement she made when she saw Roger's book! Who knows…it's all a great mystery that is unfolding in your family.
 
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