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Nightmares

kurlikew

kurlikew

New Member
Hi All,

I'm new to this forum, but have done a lot of reading on past lives. I'm not sure yet if this is what is happening to my son, but I'd like to share my story and invite feedback from anyone who has any to offer.


My son B was born in Oct, 2007, and so is not quite two-and-a-half yet. He has never said or done anything (yet, at least) to indicate a past life, but he has been having nightmares for a long time now. They happen frequently, as much as four, five, even six nights a week. He will sometimes thrash around in his sleep very suddenly, kicking covers off and rolling around and/or sitting up. He talks in his sleep a lot too, although so far it all seems to be about "kid things" that are pertinent to his life now. Sometimes he sleeps through these episodes, or at least only wakes up briefly then goes back to sleep. Often though, he'll go suddenly from a seemingly sound sleep to thrashing and screaming and crying. He doesn't seem to want to be comforted, and in fact will often say repeatedly "Mommy go away" (or some such thing), and will hit me. He sits up and cries, refuses to lay back down and relax, and seems really upset. I've tried asking him about it, and although he has a pretty extensive vocabulary for his age, he doesn't answer my questions. My son sleeps with me in my bed, so I'm right there to see and hear these things when they happen. Needless to say it's upsetting to both of us, and disrupts our sleep on a regular basis. I know I should be patient with him when this happens, but when he won't accept any comfort, and pushes me away while repeatedly telling me to go away, I get upset and angry with him. I don't know what to do. It seems there's nothing I can do to help him when this happens. We do still nurse sometimes, and this seems to be the only thing that ever calms him down.


Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Again, I don't know if a past life memory is what's happening here, and he has said nothing to indicate one, but it would sure explain a lot. I can't imagine what else could cause such frequent nightmares for such a young child. I've even tried talking to him during that "twilight" period when he's first waking up or going to sleep, with the assumption that he is having a PLM. I've assured him that whatever is scaring him happened in another time, and that he's safe now with us and that we love him. This hasn't made any difference whatsoever, unfortunately. The nightmares continue, as well as his reaction to me as the "bad guy".


I'm rather desperate for some answers. And if anyone wonders, yes, I have already read both of Carol's books, as well as a couple by other authors. If anyone has anything they can share on my situation, please do - I'd love to hear from you.


Thank you.
 
Hi kurlikew, welcome to the forum :)


Sorry to hear that your son is having a hard time with his nightmares. It sounds like you're already doing everything you can to calm him down. It's difficult to say if it's past life related unless he gives some kind of verbal indication. It has been suggested elsewhere in the forum that a blue light in the room during the night has a very good effect on children suffering with nightmares.


Sorry I don't know what else to suggest. You might find this thread helpful: Children's NIGHT TERRORS


Chris
 
Hi Chris,


Thanks for your reply. I did check out that other thread; thanks.


I'll have to try the blue light and see if it helps. At this point I'll try whatever I can. I keep trying to question him about what upsets him, but I don't get any reply. I don't know if it's that he doesn't understand my questions, does understand but doesn't know how to tell me, or just plain doesn't want to talk about it.
 
I think a lot of children go through this nightmare phase. Who knows what is going on in their heads while they're asleep? It certainly makes you wonder what could have happened in this child's life to make them so upset in their sleep, when they've had such little experience of life? Sometimes, something that happened in a past life seems like the only explanation.


I understand how upsetting it can be, not just for the child, but also the parents who witness it night after night. My Goddaughter went through a similar phase when she was your son's age. I witnessed it a few times myself and it was heartbreaking to see her so upset, but she wouldn't say anything about the nightmares, or what it was that was upsetting her so much. Eventually, she just grew out of it, and now she sleeps with no problems at all. Hopefully it'll be the same for your son. Do try the blue light though, I hope it works.


Chris :)
 
Hi Kurlikew, and welcome to the Forum. My younger son was like this from day one, back in the 70's; and anytime my wife and I tried to comfort him, it just made him more angry in much the same way as you describe your son. In fact, now that he's in his 30's, he's still that way, and rolls his eyes whenever we offer help. He never wanted help, and has always kept things to himself, regretting whenever he shares a problem that he has.


I wouldn't suggest that your son is the same case as yours, but I can only say that our son seemed a lot happier when we weren't "interfering" or "hovering over him" like protective parents. It was painful for us to pull back and watch as he made his own mistakes and barely survived some of them.


It could all be past life related, and he did prove to be psychically sensitive. So, it seemed as if he might have been subconsciously aware of what he was doing.


When you described having done everything possible for him, I did notice that the one thing you haven't mentioned is letting him be by himself. I'm not qualified or trained to offer any suggestions, so I hope you'll only view what I say with a "grain of salt". But, have you tried leaving him in his crib alone for several days without picking him up or letting him know that you're there watching? I know it's hard, but many of us have been where you are now. Sometimes, children come into our lives not only to learn; but to teach us how to let go -- the hardest thing a loving parent has to learn.


-Nightrain
 
I don't have kids, but my mother told me I was a pretty verbal from day one. No matter how much she tried to comfort me, I screamed and screamed from my crib. Finally, the doctor told my mother she needed to leave me be when I started screaming. Well, she did, and apparently all I did was cry myself to sleep.


I also had some pretty bad nightmares as a kid, and occasionally have them now. Comfort doesn't help me (even though I'm well into adulthood), I have always just needed to work through them on my own.


I think Nightrain has hit the nail on the head, that sometimes kids need space to just "work it out," so to speak. I know with my nieces years ago, it was hard to see them in any emotional pain. All I could do was give them hugs, tell them I'm there, and let them just be.


Without further information, it is very difficult to tell if your son is having nightmares based on past life experience. But, it could be. In either instance, I would just stay available to hear what he has to say as time goes on. I would keep a journal of when he has his nightmares and what he may tell you about them. Even if keeping a journal does not lead to the discovery of a past life, it can certainly help in other ways.
 
Hi All,


Thanks for your input. I've found that leaving my son alone to cry (whether awake or asleep) does not work favorably. Instead of "working through it" and calming down, he gets more and more upset, to the point of making himself physically sick. Right or wrong, there's no way I can sit by and just let that happen. There is no benefit to be gained for either of us that way. Besides, he sleeps in my bed with me, not in a crib or bed in a separate room, so I'm already right there when he wakes up from these dreams.


His nightmares are still happening, at least several times a week, and have been going on for more of his life than not, it seems. Just this morning, in fact, after already having had a couple of "wake-ups" where he thrashed around and talked in his sleep, he woke up at 4:00 a.m. screaming (and I do mean SCREAMING) at the top of his lungs, over and over. Although he's quite articulate for 2 1/2 years old, he doesn't seem to understand when I ask "why". Even if I word it differently, he doesn't yet seem to be able to offer an explanation for what he does or feels. This is the case whether he's awake during the day or at night when he's sleepy.


He still hasn't said anything to indicate with any certainty that he's having a PL memory. I've even tried the suggestions (going on the assumption that there is a PL memory involved here) to talk to him during sleepy times, tell him he's safe in a new body with a new family now, etc. So far this doesn't seem to have made any difference at all, and I've done it on multiple occasions.


I'm frustrated. Nobody in the house is sleeping well because of these constant nightmares. Again, I don't yet know for certain if there is a PL memory here, but I can't imagine what could upset such a young child so often and to such an extent - I can't believe that these are typical toddler nightmares. I'll be so glad when he can finally start telling me about what's happening with him; maybe then I can figure out what to do for him.


In the meantime, thanks for your posts and suggestions.
 
Hi kurlikew,


Is there a pattern to these nightmares? Does he wake up at approximately the same time each night? If he does, then I read somewhere that you could try waking him up just before he enters that time period, and that will gradually alter his sleep pattern. I know it's also tough on you having to set the alarm each night, but surely worth a try if it works?


I found that tip after a bit of Googling. Have you checked out any of these websites: How to deal with children's night terrors


Good luck


Chris :)
 
I haven't really noticed a pattern, except that it generally happens after he's been asleep for a few hours, but that's typical of any dream state for anyone. There are some nights he doesn't wake at all (few though they may be). I'd hate to interrupt his sleep on a "good" night. I just never know when or what time or how often it will happen on any given night.
 
Hi Again, Kurlikew.


I'm very sorry that you are going through this torture. As I mentioned in my earlier post, my youngest son behaved in the same fashion; so, you can be sure that my wife and I have both gone through what you are going through. Twice! My oldest son had his way of getting what he wanted, even if it meant blowing out his vocal cords, when left to cry; or standing in the corner for as long as it would take to prove that he was in complete control. Even now, in his 30's, he knows that he has the power over any one he meets. The only difference, now, is that he has a good conscience, and is willing to apologize for it all till the end of time. He finally admits that he can remember far back to the time that he was sleeping in a cribe; and that he was manipulating us even then.


In retrospect, I can honestly say that I have never met anyone more stubborn or forceful than my two; and I realize, now, that I should have been tougher on both of them. In fact, I tried to be tougher, but it put me at odds with my wife. She never witnessed anything like this in her own family, and her answers to me were exactly the same as you've made known about your situation. She said, "I will NOT stand by and do nothing, when he is clearly hurting himself!" So, she put one son, then another in bed with us. You have NEVER met a more tortured set of parents as we were, then. It brought us to such a point that I left her and the boys for a couple of years and lived in the City, where I could get some work done; which is something else, that I'll regret for the rest of my life. We both recognize that now.


I implied in a previous post, that our youngest son was much happier when we didn't interfere. On the level of immediate gratification, he was happier. But both of our boys lost respect for us and resented me deeply for being apart from them. When I came to be together with my family, again; I had to resolve that I would draw the line sharply in the sand. If they broke a simple rule I HAD to take away privileges. That didn't work, by the way, because, by the time I could reason with them, it was too late. By that time both boys knew that they could break each of us down. When my older son was old enough, I drew the line again, and and watched as he blew me off. We finally "kicked" him out of the house if he couldn't abide by even our minimal rules. He did everything a kid could do to get us in trouble by lying to his counselor, calling the police, and anything else that would teach us a lesson.


Before he came back on good terms, he was one of "lost boys" of our town; quitting school, living under trailers, staying with friends, and doing whatever it took to survive on his own terms. There is no need for me to go into great detail; I can tell you unequivocally, that everyone suffered for it, and we nearly lost both of our boys forever. Somehow, they certainly had to have many spirit guides looking out for them.


When my wife and I look back, we AND both our sons know that none of this had to happen. If we had taken the proper steps much earlier in their lives, they would not have felt that they had control over us. We all realize that my wife and I both had to dig our heels in and NEVER waiver!


Again, I'll admit that my sons are not your sons; and, that the two cases may be quite different. I also have no right to interfere with your life in any way. Nor, am I the right person that you should be talking to right now, because you've got a serious situation on your hands. Reincarnation may have some bearing on this situation, because something is clearly bothering him. But no one can find out until he learns that he has to talk about it. I don't believe that reincarnation is where you should be looking for solutions.


I'm certain, that most parents would agree with me, when I suggest putting him in his own bed or crib, and never take him to bed with you. Don't let him control the situation, or you may be left with nothing you can do if he self-destructs later in life, and it will be too late to change course by then. Yes, he may cry and cry to the point of making himself sick. And, yes, you will have to sit by and let it happen. Yes, there is everything to be gained by doing so.


Before you do anything, however, one would suggest that you find a good counselor -- not just for your son, but for your own sanity. Again...I'm not licensed or qualified to counsel. And, I'm very sorry about this long dissertation. But, I have all kinds of alarm flags going up. It may be a very long time before your son is able to express himself. He may be surprisingly precocious, but he cannot be expected to do so in this case. Waiting could, conceivably, allow the wrong things to happen.


I wish you and your family only the very best possible outcome.


-Nightrain
 
Thank you for your post, Nightrain, and for sharing your personal story. I'm sorry your family had to go through all that; I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for everyone. I certainly don't want to have to go down such a painful path with my little guy.


I will continue to look for evidence of PL memories, because I still think they may have something to do with the nightmares he's having. But my husband and I have discussed getting him into his own bed, and are planning to do so soon. It'll be a process, but that's ok. As you said, it will be worth doing in the long run.


If I do eventually hear about a PL memory from him, I'll be sure to come back and post it here.


Thanks again.
 
Hi, I am a mother of 3 children. My youngest has been having trouble at nights for years. Trust your gut and do not leave him alone to cry it out. It does not sound like it was working.


When my daughter was your sons age we would wake her up during these episodes, we would use a louder voice and at first it was a bit odd, but it stopped the kicking and trashing - she was confused when she woke up - it took only a few minutes to calm her down with good thoughts, get her cozy and off to sleep.


My daughter is 4 1/2 and has memories of a previous life. My husband and I believe that her night terrors are some sort of re-living her past life. She goes to bed later than our other two children, we give her extra time to settle in, I remind her how glad we are that she is here and that there is lots of love in our house.


Its not easy I understand... please know that you are not alone.
 
Hi kmrly5, welcome to the forum :)


If you're happy to start a new thread, we'd love to hear about your daughter's past life memories, but only if you're comfortable with sharing :)


Chris
 
When I was about four years old, my mom tucked me into bed, went out the door and turned off the light as she closed it.


The room was really dark and I had a "rubber" pickup truck that I had in my hand and was playing with it, and did so for about thirty seconds and then in the dark, threw it to the floor past the foot of the bed.


It was at that point that something jumped on me from the foot of the bed as if I had hit it with the toy truck and started attacking me as if it was a big dog, wolf whatever, it was growling and I remember is very vividly as if it happened right now. My mom came running into the room from my screaming and turned on the light and there was nothing there, no scratch or bite marks, nothing.


She said I was asleep, and was dreaming, but she left the room for the first time, went into the kitchen and then into the living room in the span of about thirty to forty seconds when I started screaming. Somehow I don't think I fell asleep, it was normal for me to lay in bed for up to an hour before I would drift off to sleep.


The funny part (well not Ha, Ha funny) is that I could smell the breath of whatever it was that was on me with the stench and I could feel the weight of it on my chest... Not a clue to what it was, but it made an impression on me that I never forgot.


Sounds like a odd story, but this seems to be a place to ask if anyone else has had that type of a "whatever it was" happen to them?
 
You have probably thought of these already, but I'll put this out there just in case . . .


1)Sleepers can incorporate outside stimuli into their dreams as they sleep. So, without waking the child, softly mention things that could help him change his dream, such as "Mommy loves you," or "I had fun playing with blocks today."


2)Nightmares often happen after one's body heat has had a chance to warm a pocket in the bed, making the sleeper too hot. Try gently pulling off the covers or putting the child to bed in lighter pajamas.
 
fogtender said:
...It was at that point that something jumped on me from the foot of the bed as if I had hit it with the toy truck and started attacking me as if it was a big dog, wolf whatever, it was growling and I remember is very vividly as if it happened right now. My mom came running into the room from my screaming and turned on the light and there was nothing there, no scratch or bite marks, nothing.
Sounds like a odd story, but this seems to be a place to ask if anyone else has had that type of a "whatever it was" happen to them?
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Very spooky fogtender (and Wednesday's stories too!). I have not had this happen, but have heard of others who talk about this kind of thing.


This is a good resource for adults or parents of children having issues with 'Night terrors' as they call this phenomenon:


http://www.nightterrors.org/
 
That only happened that one time to me, and seemed as real as I am typing now. Dreams and being awake are normally pretty easy to tell the differance on, but that one time was like nothing I have ever experianced before. Just pure evil of whatever it was.
 
kurlikew said:
I keep trying to question him about what upsets him, but I don't get any reply. I don't know if it's that he doesn't understand my questions, does understand but doesn't know how to tell me, or just plain doesn't want to talk about it.
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kurlikew, I don't know if I may have the answer to why he won't or can't tell you, but I'll try to explain another side to this nightmare thing...


I have suffered, periodically, all of my light from insomnia, and nightmares. I can go two days, two weeks or two years, sometimes longer even, without having any sleep problems, but the nightmares and insomnia always come back again.


The thing is kurlikew that your son may simply not be able to tell you about his nightmares because upon waking he may have instantly forgotten what it was that so frightened him.


I know that sounds implausible, but many of my own nightmares, tho frightful enuff to wake me up in a state of terror, instantly become intangible memories, or the memory of them has completely disappeared after a moment or so. I was often unable to relate to my own Parents what a nightmare was about because the memory had gone upon waking.


I know that this doesn't help you to assist your son, but it might explain why he refuses to tell you anything about them.


I so hope that things will get better for you and your son. All good things... :)
 
Hi Kirlikew,


I'm new to this forum, but I just wanted to validate your story. I have a now 4 yr. old son who also co-slept with me and nursed until he was 3. He also had nightmares often, and would be inconsolable. Even though I was right there, he would cry and scream and nothing I did or said helped. He also wouldn't respond to any questions at the time. I'm so sorry that you don't have anything to go on in terms of past life memories, but I would bet that it does stem from a past life, possibly his death. My son did have a few past life memories when he was 2 that led me to believe he was my cousin reincarnated. The problem is that my cousin took his life after doing something(I won't go into details here) that hurt someone he cared about. Because I knew about this, I figured that he had a lot of guilt and thus, my son/cousin still felt terrible about it.


Basically there are two things that helped him through the nightmares. First, if you wait until he is completely asleep and softly speak to him a prayer/whatever you want to call it, he will be able to hear you. I would say(this is from Sylvia Browne) something like "may all the pain, negativity, and fear from your past life be resolved into the white light of the holy spirit. You are here now and you will can make good choices in this life etc. etc. I love you very much." You should definitely change it to fit your beliefs or what feels right to you, but it really did help.


The other thing that helped was addressing the situation of his death directly, the next time he had an episode. I told him that G.(the person he hurt) was okay now and that everything is going to be okay. That was the last time it happened, so I think it really helped.


Your son may never share a memory with you, but you can ask questions and see how he answers. It may be that he will need to work through it on his own, but I agree that you don't have to leave him to cry it out alone. Even if he can't respond to you, be sure he is glad you are there.


Good luck with everything
 
Hi oshunmoon, welcome to the forum :)


kurlikew hasn't visited the forum for several weeks so she may not see your advice, but I'm sure she would appreciate it nevertheless.

oshunmoon said:
He also had nightmares often, and would be inconsolable. Even though I was right there, he would cry and scream and nothing I did or said helped. He also wouldn't respond to any questions at the time.
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I read somewhere recently that the child rarely responds to any questions, or the parent trying to console them .... because they are still asleep, even though they may be sitting up, with their eyes wide open, they are in that semi-conscious, half awake/asleep state, and yet to realize that they are safe in their bed and not in any danger.


I hope all is well with your son now oshunmoon. Do stick around and join in the discussions if you want to, or maybe even start a new thread if you want to talk anymore about your son's experiences.


Chris :)
 
The other thing that helped was addressing the situation of his death directly, the next time he had an episode. I told him that G.(the person he hurt) was okay now and that everything is going to be okay. That was the last time it happened, so I think it really helped.
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You are a wise mother indeed, oshunmoon! :)
 
Hi Oshunmoon! And welcome to the Forum. After reading your post, I was moved by the knowledge and wisdom that you exhibited in your suggestions to Kurlikew. I hope that she checks in to benefit from what you had to say. Your empathy for those who suffer with nightmares has given your post so much more to think about, and I personally had flashes of forgotten memories of my own as a child waking up from a nightmare.


It seems plausible that any child waking suddenly from a past life nightmare would have moments not being able to recognize present-day surroundings and people right away. The disorientation would be enough to paralyze any child.


Because of your insight, I've also revised my earlier posts suggesting a tougher approach. You're right! No child should be left to cry alone--that is unless he's being manipulative.


-Nightrain
 
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