Something is happening to me - i need advise please

[watchurself]

SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO ME - I NEED ADVISE PLEASE

I am a reader - I read alot - i guess if i was to describe it best - i would say my religion is reading

I read about Near death and after death stuff, buddhist books, reincarnation stuff, spiritual stuff,

I have been reading for many years- ever since 9/11 -alot of kabala, buddhist, etc

anyway i am currently reading a book called "The Afterlife Experiments" by Gary E Schwartz PHD

my interpretation of what's happening to me is pretty simple but I'm not sure why or what relevance it has to my life or
what may be coming - for about the last month or 2 maybe 3 - I cry alot when reading "readings" -physic readings
I think it may mean that my heart is opening -a spiritual necessity but I really dont know why -even though the readings have no meaning to me or my life - i cry like a baby - as if i "know" its true stuff -and i am mostly a skeptice to these things

i understand alot of spiritual things -have learned alot of spiritual things, and i understand that if my interpretation of what's happening to me is correct - that my heart is opening - that its a good thing - BUT not so much for living in this WORLD -this cruel hard world - such a "talent" or "skill" isnt useful

sorry i dont like being so personal with my business -but i dont know how else to do it - other than post here - where I've read some pretty nice people helping others

if anyone has anything to say but is not comfortable in posting -please feel free to pm me

any help at all would assist in helping me understand what's happening

thanks

 

[Nightrain]

I think it may mean that my heart is opening -a spiritual necessity but I really don't know why -even though the readings have no meaning to me or my life - i cry like a baby - as if i "know" its true stuff -and i am mostly a skeptic to these things

I admit that I share your condition, and suspect that it is because of the very thing you mention—that one's heart is opening to the meaning of life—even though what we read about has no personal connection to our lives.


Very often we harden our hearts to all the things we witness in life in order to survive, especially those of us who have seen some terrible things and have witnessed great injustice. However, when we read the kind of literature you mention above, we re-discover our humanity and find ourselves reacting with empathy to everything.


We may feel vulnerable and weak, while wondering if we should return to the stoic hardness that we worked so hard to develop throughout our lives; but I believe we are actually reaching a new phase in our spiritual development in which we are learning to allow ourselves to feel compassion without loosing courage.

 

[Truthseeker]

It's funny you should mention this. Earlier today I was sitting alone watching something that I was very spiritually moving and found myself with tears welling up in my eyes. Even though I was completely alone, I started feeling embarrassed by it. Then I thought to myself how sad it is that even when alone my social training will not allow me to feel ok about having an emotional moment.


The truth is that for most of my life I've been a pretty stoic. In fact most of my family is and it's encouraged. It's seen as a sign of being mentally tough. My dad used to brag about how when I was little I rarely ever cried.


Three years ago I went in a brand new direction in my spiritual journey. Learning and about reincarnation and discovering past lives as been part of that journey. I have found that through all of this my emotions are much closer to the surface than they used to be. Those misty-eyed are more frequent. This is supposed to be a good thing. Emotions are the language of the soul, which means (I assume) that I am more connected to and more aware of my spiritual self. Unfortunately we do live in a world that teaches us that crying is something to be embarrassed about, especially if you're male.


watchurself, I do not see what you're experiencing as a bad thing, quite the opposite. However your distress on how to relate it to the real world, I understand your dilemma completely.

 

[Aelfgyva]

Overwhelming Joy...


Dear watchurself,


For me the experience of getting close too or "knowing" a spirtitual truth brings such an overwhelming joy that my human body can only express this with tears. They are tears of great nearness to the "One" by which ever name you may use. These tears leave me feeling warm and very special. You are, in my eyes, being blessed!

 

[watchurself]

Thanks All for your replies - Nighttrain -you nailed it right on the head


I find it especially difficult that we NEED to go back to a STOIC facade -even though it doesnt feel authentic to me


Thx

 

[Ginger2]

I feel exactly the same way. I don't necessarily "read" people for a living. I feel energy and sense it very strongly. so I often times have thought i was sensing their sadness or whatever. I thought i was just getting too hormonal in my older age .


I'm nothing but a big cry baby ever since meeting somebody from my past life. I have been non-stop crying since for the past year and a half. so strange that i can't "cut" this cord although i have tried.


sometimes i really wonder if i'm just losing my marbles ...

 

[watchurself]

I'm sorry - I dont "read" people - i read books lotsa books on


buddhism, spiritual things, NDE etc etc


as far as i know i dont have or have not discovered any spiritual or physic abilities (yet) in myself


just an inquisitive mind/heart


athough i do dream alot (no journal) and have had a couple of VISION dreams


G

 

[Ginger2]

My apologies! I misunderstood. Everybody has intuition , some are more developed than others obviously but everybody has intuition that can be developed further. I believe that you are opening up your intuition at this time which could be the basis for your emotions. It is strange though, isn't it?


Also as you know , Buddhism loves reincarnation ... therefore maybe that now that you're reading on all of this stuff, it could be that you read it before in a past life or your spirit/soul / . Which now in your present life, you know it holds truth after the fact so you're acting emotionally on it since it seems familiar but you can't explain it. Instead you get emotional over the content which rings a bell in your psyche, subconscious and your heart chakra.


Its funny when I listen to buddhist sutras, I start crying. I don't know what they're even chanting but i start wailing like it means something to me. So i understand where you're coming from. I'm still searching for the answer as well. let me know what you find out...

 

[Raptor95]

watchurself


What started you in reading these type books and topics? Maybe deep down your soul was read for more knowledge. Opening up the heart to new emotions is very scary and exciting and can bring us to tears. Continue reading and let your heart open as you feel you are ready.


I am a cry-baby. But around my family I feel I have to be strong and act like nothing effects me at all. Or I will be seen as weak and told so. And this coming from a sister (go figure). I am female myself. But I feel my mom had always made crying seem as a weakness. So I am more open and myself with my friends. We are here to learn something and I learned that I want a soft-kinded family next time around. : angel


I am in no way an expert at this but I know there are good experienced people on this forum that can give you more advice.


:angel:

 

[watchurself]

I have been reading many years (since 2001 and before) my reading took a serious turn in 2002 after the passing of my Dad.


I read alot of stuff -mainly kabala & buddhism, I loved the kabala but found i could never be so God Centric as the Jewish faith requires, I took to Buddhism like a fish to water,


I have thought it possible that I was buddhist in a past life -or asian as i am magnetically drawn to all things asian


the emotions have come only recently -within the past 6 months - i must say I lost my Mom about 14 months ago and i do tend to deny myself grief -but this is not grief as -differently from when my Dad passed, I KNOW where my mom is (and my Dad now) and I am ok with that, whereas i had no REAL knowledge or basis of belief in an afterlife when he passed, ans suffered his passing much more back then.


thank you and no apologies needed

My apologies! I misunderstood. Everybody has intuition , some are more developed than others obviously but everybody has intuition that can be developed further. I believe that you are opening up your intuition at this time which could be the basis for your emotions. It is strange though, isn't it?
Also as you know , Buddhism loves reincarnation ... therefore maybe that now that you're reading on all of this stuff, it could be that you read it before in a past life or your spirit/soul / . Which now in your present life, you know it holds truth after the fact so you're acting emotionally on it since it seems familiar but you can't explain it. Instead you get emotional over the content which rings a bell in your psyche, subconscious and your heart chakra.


Its funny when I listen to buddhist sutras, I start crying. I don't know what they're even chanting but i start wailing like it means something to me. So i understand where you're coming from. I'm still searching for the answer as well. let me know what you find out...

 

[watchurself]

I had read about faith and had doubts of my RC upbringing most of my life - it was too restrictive IMO but i had never gone into a full out exploration until after 09-11-2001


i am a survivor of the events in NYC - i was 2 blocks away from the chaos of that day


so after that - i felt i needed to make sense of God and whether he exists, and why he allows our world to be so ugly sometimes etc etc


I was for awhile ANGRY with God - I am at peace now with God & the Universe -still searching but i have a better understanding of the WHY's etc etc

watchurself
What started you in reading these type books and topics? Maybe deep down your soul was read for more knowledge. Opening up the heart to new emotions is very scary and exciting and can bring us to tears. Continue reading and let your heart open as you feel you are ready.


I am a cry-baby. But around my family I feel I have to be strong and act like nothing effects me at all. Or I will be seen as weak and told so. And this coming from a sister (go figure). I am female myself. But I feel my mom had always made crying seem as a weakness. So I am more open and myself with my friends. We are here to learn something and I learned that I want a soft-kinded family next time around. : angel


I am in no way an expert at this but I know there are good experienced people on this forum that can give you more advice.


:angel:

 

[Raptor95]

I do not always understand God's reasoning and that is why I am just a human I think a lot of us for the most part have questioned God, been mad at him or wondered if he really is.


But I totally believe in him and wonder about the "everything happens for a reason" quote. I am glad you made it out alive from 911. I am sorry you have to live with that memory. It breaks my heart to think of all the families that lost loved ones and have to re-live it all the time. It is always there every time you see your children or special events come and go. Reading seems to be helping you heal.


Hang tight

 

[Nightrain]

I think a lot of us for the most part have questioned God, been mad at him or wondered if he really is.

As a former RC, myself, I have already gone through that typical period in which I questioned the rationality of paying homage to any God that is a father or emperor figure who would permit such suffering and injustice. Eventually, I became exposed to Eastern and Gnostic philosophy, which placed greater emphasis on our collective consciousness as the Godhead, rather than separating and isolating us from some great authority whose thinking was so incomprehensibly superior to ours that we dare not question it. We are all more likely part of God, good or bad, smart or dumb, great or small. Like each cell in our human body we may be an integral part of God—not to worship, but to collectively improve upon.


By reading books as those mentioned in posts above, the likelyhood of realizing that we are all connected is greatly expanded and our sensitivity to those around us is increased, along with the realization that we are much more vulnerable in this life than would be comfortable, while we are quite invulnerable in the sense that we truly never die. The result can bring on such a torrent of emotions both of joy and sorrow, that we will sometimes think that we are going crazy. There may be times that we will long for the simpler times of ignorant bliss. But, we can never go back. Like the enlightened former captive of Plato's Allegory of the Cave, we will find ourselves alone outside in the bright warmth of the sun, wishing for the illusory comradship that we once enjoyed in the darkness of the cave.

 

[Ginger2]

I have been reading many years (since 2001 and before) my reading took a serious turn in 2002 after the passing of my Dad.
I read alot of stuff -mainly kabala & buddhism, I loved the kabala but found i could never be so God Centric as the Jewish faith requires, I took to Buddhism like a fish to water,


I have thought it possible that I was buddhist in a past life -or asian as i am magnetically drawn to all things asian


the emotions have come only recently -within the past 6 months - i must say I lost my Mom about 14 months ago and i do tend to deny myself grief -but this is not grief as -differently from when my Dad passed, I KNOW where my mom is (and my Dad now) and I am ok with that, whereas i had no REAL knowledge or basis of belief in an afterlife when he passed, ans suffered his passing much more back then.


thank you and no apologies needed

Oh, I see.... this explains a lot to your "crying". You know, it could be that your parents are coming through to you spiritually more as you are reading ... like as they're helping you understand more of this ... sometimes you are drawn to certain things or you get these "ideas" in your head for a reason. more often times for me, I get validation either from phone calls, things that i read about or people just telling me things after I had just thought about it. so i know that I was being "told" or those thoughts weren't specifically really mine thoughts in the first place. Its a certain intuition bell that rings in my head and I follow that hunch.


Could be that as you're reading about these subjects, they're helping you open other doors to other paths.... a destiny thing which you are to find out on your own but you're being helped down those roads... capiche?


I must say that I am quite close to a bunch of buddhist monks. They are actually part of my soul group but I am a woman so it freaks them out a bit but these guys are all about past lives, reincarnation, Chán ? (Zen) buddhism and meditation. The thing they constantly reiterate to me is "to meditate" to have inner peace- master your emotions. Something that i don't obviously have yet :freak:... They amaze me with their happiness and peace yet they have diddley .

 

[Ignotus]

I never understood God as well.. How could He do all of this? How could He be that cruel? I'm still searching for the answers.. But this reincarnation and Buddhism has open a lot of doorways for the answer. And I'm very grateful for it. (Actually.. My family isn't really Buddhism.. We practise more on Taoism.. Meh.. But my mother brings me to Church any ways..)


I even got mad at Him once, even to the point of asking Who left Him in charge!? Bring Him down!


This happened because one of my religious teacher, a close friend of my mother and I knew her for a long time is currently battling 4th stage Cancer.. And most probably during my 5 days Christmas holiday a few days ago would be the last time I would ever see her. Although I know where she would be going but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. But I salute her and she will win the battle.

 

[watchurself]

MAYBE GOD decided it was time that I suffer some?


maybe I have Karma to pay back -who knows

Oh, I see.... this explains a lot to your "crying". You know, it could be that your parents are coming through to you spiritually more as you are reading ... like as they're helping you understand more of this ... sometimes you are drawn to certain things or you get these "ideas" in your head for a reason. more often times for me, I get validation either from phone calls, things that i read about or people just telling me things after I had just thought about it. so i know that I was being "told" or those thoughts weren't specifically really mine thoughts in the first place. Its a certain intuition bell that rings in my head and I follow that hunch.
Could be that as you're reading about these subjects, they're helping you open other doors to other paths.... a destiny thing which you are to find out on your own but you're being helped down those roads... capiche?


I must say that I am quite close to a bunch of buddhist monks. They are actually part of my soul group but I am a woman so it freaks them out a bit but these guys are all about past lives, reincarnation, Chán ? (Zen) buddhism and meditation. The thing they constantly reiterate to me is "to meditate" to have inner peace- master your emotions. Something that i don't obviously have yet :freak:... They amaze me with their happiness and peace yet they have diddley .

 

[Truthseeker]

I do not always understand God's reasoning and that is why I am just a human I think a lot of us for the most part have questioned God, been mad at him or wondered if he really is.
But I totally believe in him and wonder about the "everything happens for a reason" quote.

For years I struggled with the question "Why does God allow, or worse, cause people to suffer?" People would tell me it's His will, and we as humans can't understand God's ways. But if he loves us so much, why would he make people suffer?


After spending much time reading and searching both internally and externally, I now believe this. You ready?


God does not make anyone do anything!


It is all about choice, both individually and collectively and a species. First of all, if you are broke because you haven't made good financial decisions, or you're in bad health because you didn't make good lifestyle decisions God didn't do that to you. By and large, we are a product of our own choices and free will.


Secondly, I believe that we are all extensions of God (created in His image and likeness) experiencing ALL of creation, both good and bad. We appreciate and choose good by first experiencing and turning away from the bad. I remember 5 deaths from past lives. None of them were pleasant. Now when I look back on them I don't view them with anger, disgust, disdain, or any deep sorrow. They are just experiences (which hopefully will be avoided in the future). I don't see them as the act of a cruel or vengeful god. They were just experiences, lessons. No matter what happened to me I'm still here and I'm just fine. :thumbsup:

 

[Ginger2]

MAYBE GOD decided it was time that I suffer some?
maybe I have Karma to pay back -who knows

I thought God was kind and forgiving so why would he want people to suffer ? even for a little bit?


What is suffering though in your definition? suffering to you may not be suffering to others. Suffering could lead to humbleness.


Karma doesn't necessarily mean that there is revenge out there for you because you did something bad in one of your past lives. so you got cancer because you did something bad in your past life... so what do you do now? sit there and feel sorry for yourself or do you become a person who tries to raise more money for cancer research? Or your dad dies from cancer but you can't see him before he dies because you're trapped in a country . They have no money to send you home. or somebody murders your father because he is innocent bystander at the liquor store.


Is that all bad karma? what are the lessons? for myself? for my family? for my friends? for whom ?

 

[Ignotus]

I don't think any of us can answer that... Only God can.. Or whoever is the head honcho of the Karma department.


But I think Truthseeker has the most possible explanation..

 

[watchurself]

God is good- suffering is the path we need to take to learn our lessons, sometimes the lessons HURT =suffering


KARMA is like a checkbook - it must be balanced


right now I'm concerned with current life karma cause i have no idea of PL's -I've been naughty enuf in this one


below is a quote I love from a Zen teacher which i find very applicable


There is only one teacher. What is that teacher? Life itself. And of course each one of us is a manifestation of life ; we couldn't be anything else. Now life happens to be both a severe and an endlessly kind teacher. its the only authority that you need to trust.


And this teacher, this authority, is everywhere. You dont have to go to some special place to find this incompatible teacher, you dont have to have some especially quiet or ideal situation: in fact, the messier it is, the better. The average office is a great place. The average home is perfect. Such places are pretty messy most of the time- we all know from firsthand experience! That is where the authority, the teacher is.


- Charlotte Joko Beck, Everyday Zen

I thought God was kind and forgiving so why would he want people to suffer ? even for a little bit?
What is suffering though in your definition? suffering to you may not be suffering to others. Suffering could lead to humbleness.


Karma doesn't necessarily mean that there is revenge out there for you because you did something bad in one of your past lives. so you got cancer because you did something bad in your past life... so what do you do now? sit there and feel sorry for yourself or do you become a person who tries to raise more money for cancer research? Or your dad dies from cancer but you can't see him before he dies because you're trapped in a country . They have no money to send you home. or somebody murders your father because he is innocent bystander at the liquor store.


Is that all bad karma? what are the lessons? for myself? for my family? for my friends? for whom ?

 

[Kapitan]

I admit that I share your condition, and suspect that it is because of the very thing you mention—that one's heart is opening to the meaning of life—even though what we read about has no personal connection to our lives.
Very often we harden our hearts to all the things we witness in life in order to survive, especially those of us who have seen some terrible things and have witnessed great injustice. However, when we read the kind of literature you mention above, we re-discover our humanity and find ourselves reacting with empathy to everything.


We may feel vulnerable and weak, while wondering if we should return to the stoic hardness that we worked so hard to develop throughout our lives; but I believe we are actually reaching a new phase in our spiritual development in which we are learning to allow ourselves to feel compassion without loosing courage.

I was thinking the same thing after I read the OP.

 

[CarlS]

cry a river dear!


On my site www.ReturnOfHildegard.com in "My Story" I write about spiritual tears and how often I was crying them, including the following:


"As I understand it now, there are two main kinds of tears. The human tears of pain harden us for survival when we find ourselves going into a reality of separation from our love and joy. The spiritual tears of healing are released when our soul rejoins us in a manifested life of great happiness and celebration. As much as the world is meant to be a different place, a place that is divine complete and whole, that is how many tears of spiritual reunion we will have the opportunity to feel. It is truly a sign of great courage and strength to weep for the return of God into our lives. "


peace and love,


Carl

 

[tanguerra]

Tears are usually a sign that your 'soul' is being touched in some way. The tears are probably as you say, due to your 'heart' (soul) opening (softening). I think it's probably a good thing.


Although we often associate weeping with sadness and pain, sometimes it's more like ice melting - a sign that something 'hard' inside you is breaking up. Unless it's really causing you distress, I'd just relax into it and have a good old cry. Why not? Especially if nobody is going to tease you about it, what's the harm?

 

[Green26]

God is good- suffering is the path we need to take to learn our lessons, sometimes the lessons HURT =suffering
KARMA is like a checkbook - it must be balanced


right now I'm concerned with current life karma cause i have no idea of PL's -I've been naughty enuf in this one

I have a completely different view of karma. Karma is probably better replaced with the word energy, and yes it does need to be balanced. However that doesn't mean you have to suffer and learn lessons to balance your karma, quite the opposite, the more we suffer and the more hardship we endure the more out of balance we become and the less whole we become-have a look at the shamanic concept of soul loss and soul retrieval.


Ironically, when someone chooses to suffer to pay off bad karma, they are actually creating bad karma (unbalanced energy) by not doing what makes them balanced.

 

[Green26]

I thought God was kind and forgiving so why would he want people to suffer ? even for a little bit?

I think something that a lot of people miss when tackling the suffering question is the fact that we live in a duality, a world of opposites. There can be not hot without cold, there can be no light without shadow, there can be no happiness without the possibility of suffering. Why do people automatically assume that there is some supreme spiritual being out there that wants us to suffer?? Take away suffering and you would have to take away all the good things as well such as happiness.


Many NDErs state we come into this life because the complex range of emotions such as joy, excitement etc and sensory experiences such as eating ice cream are not available in the afterlife, because it is a state of unity without polarity. But it is buyer beware, with the pleasant comes the unpleasant, and just because we suffer doesn't mean we have bad karma, were a bad person in a past life, or that God wants us to suffer.

 

[Green26]

Karma doesn't necessarily mean that there is revenge out there for you because you did something bad in one of your past lives. so you got cancer because you did something bad in your past life...so what do you do now? sit there and feel sorry for yourself or do you become a person who tries to raise more money for cancer research?

IMHO, karma does not work in this way, and neither does cancer. Cancer comes about when a person encounters an extremely unhappy situation in their current life which has no end in sight and the person sees no possibility to escape from that unhappy situation other than to die. I speak from experience. We don't need more money raised for cancer research, people need to understand what it actually is before we can successfully treat it. Cancer is not something physical, it is an outer manifestation of something much much deeper going on in the person's energy body, it is so much more than a disease that can kill you, something the scientific community does not realize.

 

[pixarfan]

Cancer is not something physical, it is an outer manifestation of something much much deeper going on in the person's energy body, it is so much more than a disease that can kill you, something the scientific community does not realize.

So... smoking/chemicals/unhealthy foods/genetics/infections have nothing to do with it?


(Sorry; I do believe in the spiritual, but I also believe in biology).

 

[Kristopher]

So... smoking/chemicals/unhealthy foods/genetics/infections have nothing to do with it?
(Sorry; I do believe in the spiritual, but I also believe in biology).

I think you'll find that scientists will try to blame the cause of cancer on these things simply because they don't understand it. I happen to agree with Green that cancer is triggered by the mental state. It's easy for a person to end up with cancer who smokes and the doctor saying "It's because you smoke" and when someone gets it that doesn't smoke then they basically put it down to bad luck. I am fed up hearing about different kinds of 'findings' claiming everything makes our risk of cancer higher. Too much exercise will give you cancer, so will too little. Don't drink alcohol, that will give you cancer too. And my personal favourite, crispy bacon will also cause it. If I believed everything I heard from researchers, if I didn't die of cancer, I would probably die of boredom.

 

[Nightrain]

I will add my own opinion that cancer can be caused by one's mental disposition, as evidenced by the case of Anita Moorjani who went into a coma with 4th stage cancer, had a near death experience which made her aware that fear was causing the illness, and woke up with the cancer clearing up completely within a week.


The discoveries that we associate with Medical Science have largely been determined by research that show correlations between the presence of certain substances with the illness. I might point out that none of this can truly show a causal relationship. One might also point out that there are plenty of people who have been continually exposed to carcinogens, but who have lived to be quite old and remained healthy throughout.

 

[KnickKnack]

Ironically, when someone chooses to suffer to pay off bad karma, they are actually creating bad karma (unbalanced energy) by not doing what makes them balanced.

For me, that is a very new, and interesting way of looking at it, and really opened my eyes. I went from having similar viewpoints of God as mentioned in the above posts to thinking that I needed to "pay" for past misdeeds or to learn lessons 'the hard way' if I missed them in the past. Your way of presenting it makes so much more sense, and opens up for a much happier and fulfilling life.