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Would I do this to myself?

Arrant

Arrant

Senior Registered
Can anyone offer an opinion?

Given the fact that it's basic human nature to want to love and be loved, or simply to have friends and a social life - a sense of purpose to one's life, a direction,etc - would anyone of us choose to lead a life that renders us effectively spectators on the lives of others? To watch, to want, but never be able to fully experience?

I am in need of help.

Any thoughts, anyone?
 
Sure Arrant.


Lots of people choose to do this - monks/nuns, hermits, explorers, solo circumnavigators ... Not everyone is a 'people person' after all.


Why do you ask?
 
I'm not sure that everyone wants a sense of purpose in life. Many of us do - and I include myself in that. But many people seem to be quite happy to just "drift" from what I can see.


I'm guessing that you are one of the ones that does want a sense of purpose though and are frustrated from taking part in many activities for some reason. Have you got a longstanding illness that is restricting you from taking part in many everyday activities - and hence why you feel a spectator, rather than a participator?
 
Ceridwen said:
Have you got a longstanding illness that is restricting you from taking part in many everyday activities - and hence why you feel a spectator, rather than a participator?
Click to expand...
No, that's the thing. I'm fit, able, well educated, intelligent - yet alone and without direction. And it's destroying me bit by bit each day.
 
My answer is prayer. Take a small portion of each day, take a time out to focus on yourself. Think over what you're not happy with or what you would change.


Also ask for guidance and a push in the right direction. I try to do this everyday and I also try to be mindful of little hints and suggestions I come across in my daily life.


Also try different activities. Take a class, watch a documentary, volounteer, try a new activity. Try as many different things as you can because you may spark an interest you didn't know that you had and one thing may lead to another one way or the other.
 
You may also be subconsciously following a specific plan for yourself. Many years ago I was in a job that I hadn't planned on and was biding my time until something better came along. And then suddenly I met several people and had an incredible experience with them over a period of several months. Years later I learned that they had been people I had known in several past lives. If I had not been in that boring job I never would have met them. All of these years later I still remember like it was yesterday.
 
Are there any "clues" in things that you had as hobbies and/or dreamed about doing when you were a child as to what might "float your boat"??
 
Try getting out a bit every day. Join some groups on facebook in your town. I found them by clicking on groups and then typing in the name of your town. You will be surprised how many of them are out there, in my town there are even groups where people want to meet other people.


Good luck to you! If you can't find the groups PM me the name of your town and I will give you links to them. Also, if you don't have a facebook page get one. You can reconnect with people you knew when you got out a lot, the people you graduated with (and you will be surprised to find that the ones who become your friends on facebook probably won't be the ones you hung out with in school but ones who have the same likes as you do.


Good luck to you :)
 
I have a picture of a wolf in winters snow


looking downward from hill at cabin with light on.


If thats what your talking about I've been


there not as often now.


Life is scary you just have learn to avoid


as much of negativity as you can which is hard for me


being a Empath.OMG
 
Well, what is it exactly that you feel is keeping you 'on the sidelines', so to speak?


For a moment, try to take away the expectations of society and maybe what you think you should be doing because you're 'supposed to', due to your age, place in life, etc., and think about the things that you do enjoy and the things that you do really want to be a part of regardless of what society or your community might think. What is it you want to enjoy or have enjoyed in the past and seek to get involved with again? If nothing comes to mind, well, maybe it's time to get out and start some new things.


You don't really provide a context exactly on what you think you're missing out on so I'm not gonna step in and assume and try to tell ya whats going on since you obviously know your situation better than I do, but I like Mama's suggestion of stepping out a bit. Whether it's getting into a social scene for example, taking that idea of baby steps into local online groups that are centered on your interests, how do you feel about that idea? Do you think this is something you ought to be inclined to try? If not, why?


You say you're fit and able and you certainly said you're willing, there's something you're missing out on, what is it that you feel is keeping you that way? Is it external, like the people you're around right now, or is it internal, like a fear or lack of confidence?
 
Something I did once that turned out unexpectedly well. Instead of planning my calendar ahead, I just filled out the time slots afterward. It turned out my calendar was full, even though I had always been told I wasn't getting anything done. I also recorded how each event made me feel.


It was an accidental combination, really. (I was trying to prove to an unbelieving counselor that chronic fatigue is real and also that I was being emotionally abused, something she never managed to comprehend.)


All you need is a brief sentence of the activity and an associated feeling. Watch the reflection that emerges as you write. It only takes a few minutes here and there throughout the day. Google calendar makes this easy. Every once in a while, I start filling out the calendar in retrospect a couple times a day. If I miss some time, I just start up again with what I remember. No rules, really. (Edit: I'm adding a rule. No judging. Just record feelings ... but if they are based on how you might look to some other person, add your own feeling too. For example: If other people might say I'm lazy when I do art instead of cleaning, I recorded that I felt guilty but also that it was my favorite moment of the day. Eventually, I stopped feeling guilty. Art is more important than cleaning, for me. *grin*)


It shows me where I'm going, and helps me see where I am. coffee


Oh! The most important part for me is tracking interactions with people ... even online, and the things I enjoy most. It is interesting to see how many people I connect with via forum, email, and chat ... and how much I had already invested in my life. :thumbsup:
 
Arrant said:
No, that's the thing. I'm fit, able, well educated, intelligent - yet alone and without direction. And it's destroying me bit by bit each day.
Click to expand...
You can be with someone and be destroyed a bit every day too. I am speaking from experience. Don't think that being with someone is the answer. I think the answer is to learn how to be comfortable with yourself.
 
I hated myself most of my life


not anymore. Women crave...... me now:D;)LOL


There are people I barely tolerate .


Then there are people I have alot in common


with I can talk for hours with.


You have to use your intuition about who befriend.
 
My daughters find it weird that most of the people that I really care about are online. Thing is, when I was rich I had lots of friends. When the money was gone so were they.


I like my internet friends much better. They want nothing from me other than friendship.


And that is nice ...
 
i more or less am like a chameleon i can change my colours whenever i feel i need to lol, i keep myself to myself and am naterally a dark and deep person, i prefer my own company, but if you stick me in a room full of confident bubbly people, i become the same to please, but then i walk out and switch back to me, i get on with people from all walks of life but still prefer to be on my own most of the time......try not to compare yourself to anyone else or compare lifestyles you are who you are, just do what makes you feel comfortable and happy we have enough clones in this world lol
 
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