Remembering a past life as a Waffen-SS officer - my story

Owl said:

That's very interesting. Would you like to share any memories in particular?



Why do you think you felt robotic and unemotional towards the Holocaust? Based on the lists I compiled, most people working in the concentration camps were relatively young, being born from 1906 to 1917 approximately. Considering what you posted, do you think you were perhaps a higher ranked officer who had to deal with the KZs administratively?

Click to expand...

Hello Owls and what I mean when I said robotic is that for some reason I couldn't sympathize with them and I do think I had a high rank. One day I had a strange dream where i was wearing a uniform that belonged to the ss and I saw a rank. I wondered what it was and found out it was the SS Gruppenfuhrer rank. I never really took that particlar dream as a memory because it was a crazy dream.A memory that I will share was a very realistic one of S.A men saluting me. Then I had another that where I was accompanied by two ss officers and I remember feeling relaxed in it. The last one was a Hitler Youth kid and i shook hands with him. This one was strange because its was as if I could feel his hand.

Hello everyone!

It's been a while since there was some activity on this thread, and also on my part - I was not very active on the forum.

I'm glad the long story I shared here continues to leave food for thoughts to fellow members!

I will answer several messages hereafter:

Albert Wolff said:

I was in ww1 and ww2. In ww1 I was a soldier in the west and after ww1 I know I got involved with the N.S.D.A.P. I usually ignore this part of my past life and just focus on the ww1 part but lately I've been thinking about ww2 and my visions of it. Also my journey to find answers about my past life started with this when i first saw the year 1945. Back when i was 12 or 13 i saw the year 1945 I knew in some other existence that is when I died. Back then I knew absolutely nothing about ww2 or ww1. Then I learned about Germany I when i first learned about it I was very intrigued and felt drawn to it. Then i had this dream about this time period i can't really remember it anymore but it was like an awakening and I learned more about history and in my heart I just knew I was German in ww2. At first I thought I was a normal soldier in ww2 but as time went on and I experienced more visions I figured out that I was in ww1. So i must have been at one of the older officers who were in both world wars. Also I had more visions of being with the S.A ,SS, and being around members of the Hitler youth. Thinking about 1945 makes me feel gloomy. When I watch movies of then end of ww2 in Europe in documentarys or movies I go into long depressions that usually last for a few days. Lastly I think I have done terrible things during
ww2. I notice this around the time I was learning about the Holocaust and everyone felt sorry for the victims but I couldn't. This subject makes me feel robotic or unemotional. Mabey thats why im still in this world to atone anything I did in my past life or something else.

Click to expand...

Hello Albert! The first thing that shines through your message is the apparent guilt, or pain (forgive me if I misread you) that you still feel. I for one can testify that, more than the visual memories that were plentiful in my case, it was the pain in my heart that affected me the most. On that matter, dear friend, I can only say that, while they probably never will disappear completely, they can turn out to be a wonderful fuel for good spirit and actions in the life that you are playing out right now. Never forget that, while you seem to carry the pain from a previous lifetime, you are now experiencing a different one, equally rich and important, and the words you write on the blank page you are given now are as powerful as the ones that you have written before, no matter which uniform you used to wear.

As for the details that you seem to remember: it is interesting for you to know that a lot of the combat doctrine from the early days of the SS came from the combat experience of surviving Sturmtruppen from the latter days of WWI. A combat veteran from such formation would have easily blended in the original formation that was the SS-VT, regardless of his rank in the first world war - the SS did not discriminate based on social rank and was what you would call more of a meritocracy. An experienced NCO would have been given a lot of opportunities to lead.

Being an officer in the German army in WWI would probably mean you were of a probable aristocratic background - although my knowledge on this period is rather limited.

As for a switch from the SA to the SS, they would have been possible although - and more educated persons on the subject might contradict me - I think they would have been harder for a man that held leadership position.

Lastly, I would not dwell too much on the fact that you felt no emotions towards the holocaust. On my side, I have often wondered why, although I was very interested in the 2nd World War from the perspective of the western front, I had no interest nor feelings towards the war in the East prior to my initial research. I tend to believe that it happened like this because it would have been impossible to deal with those emotions without any kind of grounding. I believe that the doors to the past open when the time is right, and even when they do, they let us see glimpses and snapshots that are relevant to our growth. Although this experience can be extremely traumatic, it was an adventure that made me grow. Had I experienced all I did at a much younger age (at school), I would have earned a free pass to a mental institution for extreme anxiety and severe depression.

I would love to read more about your experiences, I am sure that many of us would have comments and encouragements to give to you. You probably have created a thread already, if not, I strongly encourage you to do so!

Benny Price said:

Being a European man living in China puts some serious life issues in front of you, and I'm guessing they're related to your last life. We're not that far away from WWIII.

Click to expand...

Well, I have spent the entire Covid-19 episode in China and, frankly, I feel safer here than in Europe for the time being. For the rest, time will tell. I am in no way a supporter of the current elite here, but I have a deep respect for the Chinese people and only wish that we can remain at peace. Any spark could ignite a firestorm that no one would be able to stop.

Hi Benjamin,

Your concern and that of Benny Price is also my concern. However, there are going to be "sparks". If not from Covid, then from something else. One hundred years have passed, and I am afraid we are heading for another WWI situation where the nations of the world are going to be drawn into a worldwide conflagration whether they want it or not. China under the CCP sees itself as THE future global superpower and is fueled not only by nationalism but a sense of grievance for past treatment. It is in an expansionist mode and doesn't really care who or what stands in its way. Frankly, the world dodged a bullet with the Soviet Union. I'm not sure it can be avoided this time.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--I know you like it there, but is this really where you want to be if the *** hits the fan? It is easy in most situations of that type to go very quickly from being viewed as a visiting foreigner to being viewed as an enemy alien. Enemy aliens usually end up in a prison camp or worse.

SeaAndSky said:

Hi Benjamin,

Your concern and that of Benny Price is also my concern. However, there are going to be "sparks". If not from Covid, then from something else. One hundred years have passed, and I am afraid we are heading for another WWI situation where the nations of the world are going to be drawn into a worldwide conflagration whether they want it or not. China under the CCP sees itself as THE future global superpower and is fueled not only by nationalism but a sense of grievance for past treatment. It is in an expansionist mode and doesn't really care who or what stands in its way. Frankly, the world dodged a bullet with the Soviet Union. I'm not sure it can be avoided this time.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--I know you like it there, but is this really where you want to be if the *** hits the fan? It is easy in most situations of that type to go very quickly from being viewed as a visiting foreigner to being viewed as an enemy alien. Enemy aliens usually end up in a prison camp or worse.

Click to expand...

Hello!

Indeed there will always be sparks, and I can tell you than many here are waiting for it. I hope you will forgive my desire to keep my political comments to myself (I do not want any trouble!) but there are a lot of things I could say about the culture, and how I view it after spending over 5 years here.

Actually, it might surprise you, but I never felt I "fell" in love with the place. I have a very strange relationship to China. There are wonderful things to be experienced, and there are terrible things to be witnessed everyday.

First of all, China is not (and never has been) a land of immigration, and as such one will never be able to settle here (a foreigner cannot legally be buried in China !) - that is probably the hardest feeling to handle, that we are just passing by here, wether we stay a day or a lifetime. I have a dear friend (american) who has been living in Shanghai since 1987, has a daughter of Chinese citizenship, but yet he is now past the "legal age" - 60 - and as such is facing incredible hardship to just be granted a residence permit. In our cultures, wether you are born on this side of the planet or another, you could decide to spend you life here, let your roots grow, and eventually they would grant you the right to become rightfully a citizen, you would be granted the right to vote and your children could even become the president of your new nation. No such thing here, and it is felt both from an administrative point of view, and from the way locals tolerate us. We are a very marginal group in a very large nation that has never wished to enrich itself with foreign newcomers.

On the other side, I have experienced friendships and human experiences that I would have never even dreamed of, had I stayed in a more familiar culture. I think it is the greatest benefit of having moved here, and given up so much comfort to confront myself to it. Actually, it gave me the chance to really dive into myself, and rid myself of many of my behaviours that I now recognize were not really a part of my true self. I know myself better, and act like myself better, even if (surprisingly) it has very little to do with what China is. The biggest thing I learned here is patience. The rest was more or less constructed in opposition with what I saw and felt here.

As for myself, as I said, I know the rules of the game and play it like it is: it will always be a part of me, as it has shaped me in a lot of ways. But I know this experience has an end date, and I am smart enough to know that everything you say is true. There will be a time when I will bid this country farewell, and go on my way to another destination. Wether my departure is of my choosing, or not, I do not know, but I will not let myself be trapped in a situation that could harm me.

I thank you both for your concerns, though, and rest assured, I am also very much aware of everything you warn me of. As of now, what holds me here are the relationship I have with my fiancé, the position I hold (I never thought I would say this... I am really not career oriented! But I work developing paths for kids with rare cancers to be treated in France) and the faint feeling that everything that China holds for me has not been handed out to me yet!

For the rest... We shall see. All I know is that a day will come where I will wake up in a place that fits my heart better, when I will feel the desire to close this current experience.

Hi Benjamin,

Good luck! I know what you are doing is important, as my teen-aged daughter had leukemia. So, I can't tell you not to "keep up the good work". Still, I kind of hope you and your fiance have your bags packed, papers in order, and travel arrangements ready to execute on short notice. Things may cool down, but I'm afraid they will get a good deal hotter before then.

Cordially,
S&S

I just wanted to say a big thank you to @BenjaminFR for sharing so much and so willingly, and all the other contributors to this thread. It's helped me to rethink some of what I remember (Great War rather than WWII), and maybe approach things from a different angle. My own soldier life has been with me now, to a greater or lesser extent, for 8 years, so I've possibly become a little set in my ways with how I relate to him! Reading this thread has opened up a few new avenues of exploration, new ways of thinking about my/his past, and for that I can't thank you enough!

This is an awesome thread indeed! I can only repeat what helz_belz said:

Dear Benjamin,
thank you for sharing so much of your memories and opinions!

I'm really amazed of all the details you've remembered and the journey you had to find your past life identity, meeting the family and everything. I remember having a past life as a German in WW2 as well. It was a difficult, complicated life. Some of my memories were disturbing and they are still making me sad today. But I wish that I will be were you are one day, finding my past life identity, being able to validate this past life and remembering all the details about it. There is still so much which I do not know. But I guess, it's blocked for a reason and maybe more memories will come in due time.

I have another question for you:

Do you think it was a deliberate choice of your soul to be born with two nationalities in this life? Do you think this serves a special purpose today like overcoming nationalism and prejudices against people from other countries, reconciliation of nations maybe (in a family setting or on a spiritual level)? I mean, the British and the French weren't always friends throughout history, right?

I'm asking because in current life I also have dual nationality and I grew up bilingual. I always had the impression that this was of great benefit to me because it makes me be more open-minded and more understanding of other mentalities and points of view, and also more curious to learn about foreign countries. It's like having a broader view because I already know two countries, two languages and mentalities very well, not just one. Of course being of mixed origin can make things more complicated in life, too. It has its pros and cons, like anything, but overall I do not want to miss the experience.

Once I've also met someone else online who had a past life in Nazi Germany, too, quite similar to mine, and in current life this person emigrated with their parents as a child, then used to live in several different countries, speaking several languages fluently.

I wonder if at least some of us, who had past lives in those cruel and merciless times, in Germany especially, chose these paths of life today to make up for the hatred of the past and to work for a better understanding between nations, even if it's only on a very small personal level. Maybe we also chose these circumstances in our current life to learn more from other people and other nations and become more understanding and forgiving. What do you think?

I hope you're fine in China. All the best to you

Hello everyone!

Special thanks to you both, Ocean and helz-belz for your kind words.

Since I have posted my initial message on this board almost two years ago, I have received nothing but kind words. If anything, I am most grateful that my personal outlook on this strange adventure is helping others in their own struggle.

@helz_belz I hope that you are going well in your own exploration. I wish you the best and hope that you will find peace in knowing that others are/have gone through the same ordeal, and that life, in itself, will provide what is needed when the time is right
@Ocean I would be delighted to read more about your experiences! I am sure that another very kind and knowledgeable member (looking at you, dear friend, @tanker ) would be happy to help you in your research and support through this. I agree wholeheartedly with what you said, though, when you mention about certain things being blocked from your conscious memory for a reason. There is a time for everything, and already being aware of what you were is a great breakthrough in many ways. If your journey leads you to more memories, clearer memories, then they will happen when it is time, and when you are ready to receive them. I do not believe it is right for you to push for it when you might not handle what you see properly.
I believe that this kind of adventure is meant to make you grow and overcome, not destroy you or hinder you.

In any case, if I can be of any help to you, you are most welcome to either post here or reach me through a private conversation on this forum. I can't recomment @tanker enough also, his insight and kind nature have been instrumental in shaping my outlook on many things. He has been there for me, and will surely be there for you, as he has dived deeper than most in the depths of the human nature.

Regarding your last question, Ocean, it is very much an elegant question. I am aware, as you pointed out, that my dual identity (French and British) has certainly shaped my outlook on life, culture and identity.

I do not know if this was by design or by chance - if there is such a thing -, but I always point out that, in my memories, I was offered this life. I do not remember having any say in where I was to be born again, but rather accepting wholeheartedly the chance I was given by a much wiser soul. I therefore give the praise to whom it is due, as I was nothing but the recipient of this wise, wise decision.

I do believe that there are sure benefits to being born in a family with a dual identity. Confronting the two when growing up certainly makes you realize at a young age that much of what your neighbours do is based on the thin layer of culture they have draped over their personality. On my case, it definitely allowed me to have a much sharper understanding of my underlying personality, and certainly taught me much about open-mindedness! It certainly made me more aware that a lot of prejudice towards other cultures is purely based on a lack of understanding that others might be behaving differently, but without ever having the chance to actually scratch the surface and realize that below it, we are all very much similar.

On a side note (I hope the moderators will allow me to post this here), I will be taking part in a podcast on Midnight.FM, where the producers have allocated me 3 hours (!) to dive deep into my story.

I kindly share the link here, it will be aired tomorrow (Friday, 28th of August) US time: https://midnight.fm/2020/08/26/friday-august-28th-guests-benjamin-carraud/

Wishing everyone a beautiful day!

Benjamin

Thank you for your lengthy response. I can relate much to what you said. Knowing more than one culture certainly raises self-awareness and improves self-reflection - this is my experience, too. And several times when I thought of a group of people being strange or very different than me in general because of a different culture or belief-system, I later found out how much common ground I actually share with individuals from said group and how well I can get along with them once I get to know them on a personal level.

BenjaminFR said:

There is a time for everything, and already being aware of what you were is a great breakthrough in many ways. If your journey leads you to more memories, clearer memories, then they will happen when it is time, and when you are ready to receive them. I do not believe it is right for you to push for it when you might not handle what you see properly.
I believe that this kind of adventure is meant to make you grow and overcome, not destroy you or hinder you.

Click to expand...

That's very kind to say and very supportive. Thank you I believe so, too. I don't believe that past life memories are there to make us suffer again, and I believe we remember only those bits and in such a way that we are able to deal with it. Also, I tried regression, but it never worked for me. All my memories came in dreams and flashbacks, mostly unexpected and without warning. I think it’s just meant to be this way, so I try to be patient.

I’ve also made the experience that sometimes it's just too easy to get overwhelmed by the emotional impact of a memory and to wallow in the past. However, I don't think that's good or healthy in the long run, and I think we shouldn't identify too much with our past life selves either, but rather let the past go and focus on the present. At least that's what works best for me to stay happy and balanced in life. That's why I liked your attitude very much, when you wrote somewhere in a previous post that the soldier Eugen is dead and resting in peace, while you are just Benjamin, your current self. I guess, remembering the spiritual realm between lives, like you did, makes it easier to find peace and to detach from a past life. I'm really happy for you that you were able to do that. I found it very uplifting and encouraging to read about all that.

In my case I've always wished even as a child to remember my past lives. But when I finally got my first memory as an adult, it was a shock. It turned out to be the memory of a traumatic event which took place during WW2, and the time period, the circumstances and setting, everything, was certainly not what I would have imagined my past life to be like. So it was not easy to handle this at first.

There was also good stuff in this memory, which showed me that I was not a bad person at all. And although I did not feel any personal guilt and did not blame myself for anything that happened, I focused much on the bad side of my role back then. This was mostly due to our modern way of thinking about those times and the modern tendency to tar everyone who was there with the same brush. I've never found that to be fair nor right actually, and I don't believe in a collective guilt of all Germans as some people do today. But seeing myself even as a small part of the machinery which caused so much suffering and death, made me question my former beliefs and attitudes.

I finally got over this quite depressing initial phase, also with the help of a spiritual healer, and I got more memories confirming the good character traits of my past life self. It also helped when I remembered glimpses of other past lives later on, where I was in completely different roles and settings in different time periods. This helped me to see myself as the sum of all my past lives (which I remember and don't remember), and not just as the continuation of this one.

I believe we incarnate in all kinds of different roles and settings to gain different experiences, to see things from different points of view, and also - while we are often easy to judge on others - to see how we ourselves would deal with specific circumstances and situations in life.

My other past lives feel much more distant than my WW2 past life does. I can put this one to rest also and detach from it, but it still seems much connected to my current life - because of family history, place of birth, people who reincarnated here with me again etc. It's also the one I got the most memories of.

Benjamin, I will pm you about the details of my past life if you like, so I won't need to talk so much in general terms. But I'm not sure yet how much of this I'd like to share on an open forum.

Hi Ocean - Interesting to read your thoughts on here! Just to say if there's anything you'd like to share regarding your German ww2 experiences, I too am more than willing to help. My dear friend Benjamin and I have shared our journeys over time, and that has brought me much reassurance and joy. I have had many years of extensive memories of my life as a German soldier, and all the difficult thoughts that brings, and would be happy to talk with you if you feel it would be useful. I don't put all of it on a public forum, but if you'd like to talk on pm, feel free to message me. btw, I'm not bilingual but do use another language to express certain thoughts which can't be put into English.

Hello tanker!

Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I will send you a pm in the next few days when I have a bit more time.

Benjamín,


That was quite the recall on your PL as a Waffen-SS officer. And in such detail. And being so young in this life speaks to me that you are an old soul that is ready now to have some of these memories come to the surface in helping you on your journey back home. As soul we are all eternal and always have been. Souls that experience large scale war are usually apart of a group consciousness agreement to work out karma on a much larger scale on both sides. This allows for tremendous growth and release of old karmic patterns that soul has been carrying around for many lifetimes.

It is not uncommon for those that die during war time to not realized their dead right away. As our consciousness is so caught up in the battle with the anxiety, emotional stress and the primal need to survive that when we are forced out of the body all of a sudden where there is a state of confusion as to what happen. Many walk around daysed in confusion as to where they are and why other people (those of the living) don't see or respond to them. Plus now the bombs of destruction seems to no longer effected them. Which is why some souls become earth bound for awhile. However there are those on the other side that help with this situation where they help these souls to cross over into the light to a place where they can emotional and mental heal so they can move on.

It sounds like you moving to China, has helped to heal inwardly from all this. And this experience has given you a glimpse has to who you really are as soul. It's good to remember your PL up to a point however don't get too caught up in them because the most important lifetime now is the one you are living in the present moment. Because soul always lives in the eternal moment of the now. From souls point of view there is no past nor no future only the present moment of the now. And because of this very fact we already live in eternity.

Looking forward to more of your post here.

P.