An Update and Some Thoughts

[Klaud]

Hey, friends! Hope you’re all doing well. I haven’t posted or commented much in a while. Between work, language lessons, and writing a book (not PL related), life has been busy for me lately. I’ve just been kind of lurking around here from time to time.

My past lives, however, have not escaped my mind. It’s part of what keeps me awake at night. Do any of you feel just really burdened in remembering the things you’ve done? Good or bad. Does it feel like emotional overload for anybody else?

One of my mothers from a PL has been in and out of my life lately and it’s making things rather difficult for me. Partly because I’m emotionally in tune with her and her feelings are quite heavy these days due to mental illness and some personal issues. Since the last time I really posted here, our relationship has shifted to what I can only describe as her very noticeably mothering me when she is around.

I think, residually, some of her more deeply rooted issues in this life stem from things I did centuries ago; namely, abandonment. I suspect she knows something about our shared PLs, at least subconsciously based on a few conversations we’ve had. I am unable to discuss any of this with her, as ghosting is a habit of hers and it isn’t just me she’s currently ignoring.

Part of me really wants that parent-child relationship with her more than anything, regardless of who ends up being the parent because we’ve each been both over the years, but I don’t want to hurt her any more by bringing this up when I don’t know how she’ll react. Even the thought of doing any more damage to her is tearing me apart, but so is sitting here internally screaming at not being able to do anything. My mind is kind of going in circles on what to do at this point.

I don’t really have much of an actual point here, I just wanted to post these thoughts somewhere because it’s absurdly frustrating and weighing me down, and I needed to get it off my chest.

 

[fireflydancing]

I feel your pain. I've been in this situation more than once. And they all ended up breaking the cords. Sometimes you can't do anything at all. Sometimes it's not your role to nurture and be active friends this time. Sometimes it's better to cut contact (and live with the feeling of guilt about it) than remain in a toxic situation. It's up to you to evaluate your own situation and I don't say you should do as I did.

 

[Totoro]

I struggle with purpose and identity. I ran countries and empires and now, I'm just some guy? I mean, I know I have what I want and that is to spend time with my son, but it feels selfish and underwhelming in some way, like I should be doing something helpful for humanity and I'm not.

I think past lives have their own burden that we come to understand once the whole feeling of realizing that you were someone else and pining for that time / person is over. I'm just starting to realize that now.

 

[SeaAndSky]

I struggle with purpose and identity. I ran countries and empires and now, I'm just some guy? I mean, I know I have what I want and that is to spend time with my son, but it feels selfish and underwhelming in some way, like I should be doing something helpful for humanity and I'm not.

I think past lives have their own burden that we come to understand once the whole feeling of realizing that you were someone else and pining for that time / person is over. I'm just starting to realize that now.

Hi Totoro,

You've been there and done that. Why go back? It seems to me that there are many, many possible leaders out there, but no one else who could do what you came back to do and are doing now. People are clamoring for the "leader" job or some other position with "prestige" in the eyes of the world. Almost all the rest seem to be fawning over this group or clamoring to somehow influence them (often for the worst IMO). Who knows how many of the foregoing also have substantial PL resumes in terms of leadership or some other "prestige" position. Do you really have any reason to believe that you could make a substantial difference for the good vs. someone else trying to act as a leader? Who is to say whether that job is more important in the greater scheme of things than quietly doing things for the best day-to-day. I could probably come up with some Bible verses, but I think Gandalf will go over better in this day and age, especially as it is through him that Tolkien* voices his own profound faith:

Anyhow, all my best to you for doing what you're doing and trying to make a good job of it.

Cordially,
S&S

PS*--I am not sure at the moment whether Gandalf's speech is taken directly from something Tolkien wrote (though I certainly do not recall this scene from "The Hobbit"). However, having read that book and the "Lord of the Rings" innumerable times over the years, I do believe that it is an accurate reflection of his thought.

 

[Totoro]

Hi Totoro,

You've been there and done that. Why go back? It seems to me that there are many, many possible leaders out there, but no one else who could do what you came back to do and are doing now. People are clamoring for the "leader" job or some other position with "prestige" in the eyes of the world. Almost all the rest seem to be fawning over this group or clamoring to somehow influence them (often for the worst IMO). Who knows how many of the foregoing also have substantial PL resumes in terms of leadership or some other "prestige" position. Do you really have any reason to believe that you could make a substantial difference for the good vs. someone else trying to act as a leader? Who is to say whether that job is more important in the greater scheme of things than quietly doing things for the best day-to-day. I could probably come up with some Bible verses, but I think Gandalf will go over better in this day and age, especially as it is through him that Tolkien* voices his own profound faith:

Anyhow, all my best to you for doing what you're doing and trying to make a good job of it.

Cordially,
S&S

PS*--I am not sure at the moment whether Gandalf's speech is taken directly from something Tolkien wrote (though I certainly do not recall this scene from "The Hobbit"). However, having read that book and the "Lord of the Rings" innumerable times over the years, I do believe that it is an accurate reflection of his thought.

Sorry for just getting back to you! It's been crazy here!

Thank you for your thoughtful post! I do remember that scene in the movie and thought it was an amazing perspective.

I wouldn't and can't go back and I think that's part of my problem now. The world is so modern with (mostly) elected leaders and self governance. Nothing ever lasted beyond my death in most cases, aside from a footnote.

I just have to figure it out, like everyone else. That's honestly the price we pay for the free will. There's only an inkling of a guide book in the form of a conscience and moral and logical reasoning. The rest is up to you; physician, heal thyself.

I could, choose to pursue my own interests and sow kindness along the way. I think I do that quite a bit through my hobbies and activities, which are mostly with young people.

However, my definition of giving is in doing for others in a way that I don't directly benefit from and I haven't figured that one out yet. Perhaps in time I shall

 

[Eva1942]

My past lives, however, have not escaped my mind. It’s part of what keeps me awake at night. Do any of you feel just really burdened in remembering the things you’ve done? Good or bad. Does it feel like emotional overload for anybody else?

It took me a LONG time to realise that what I did in WWII is done. It's not like I can freakin' forget about it, every time I walk into a bookshop I'm greeted with shelves upon shelves of Holocaust literature both non-fiction and fiction. Some about me, some about the Holocaust in general. I'm still healing my "Dead Nazi" self, and at times it is difficult, but at least we have made some significant progress and we have both come a LONG way.

Emotional overload from past lives is, as I have learned, a direct result of feeling as if we "have to have it all worked out". This can directly relate to the era we lived in, such as in my American War Between the States lifetime, my veteran felt as if post-war, he had to have things "all worked out" because that was the mentality back then. Society never considered the wartime trauma that veterans had seen during the war and expected them to just live with the horrors they had seen, and some couldn't cope. They went mad and shot themselves. When I was researching my death from that lifetime, one newspaper even said that I had "mental issues" (yeah, I had Complex PTSD, but no one even knew about those things back in the late 1800's). Now, when my Veteran is trying to heal, he still feels as if he has to have it "all worked out" and it's causing me a lot of emotional overload (I know he doesn't mean to) and I'm trying to teach him that he doesn't, and that if he feels like "running away for a bit" he's not a coward for doing so. We are getting there. A wise friend once told me: " When you begin to heal who you were, your past you learns from your present you, and your present you learns from your past you."

One of my mothers from a PL has been in and out of my life lately and it’s making things rather difficult for me. Partly because I’m emotionally in tune with her and her feelings are quite heavy these days due to mental illness and some personal issues. Since the last time I really posted here, our relationship has shifted to what I can only describe as her very noticeably mothering me when she is around.

I think, residually, some of her more deeply rooted issues in this life stem from things I did centuries ago; namely, abandonment. I suspect she knows something about our shared PLs, at least subconsciously based on a few conversations we’ve had. I am unable to discuss any of this with her, as ghosting is a habit of hers and it isn’t just me she’s currently ignoring.

Part of me really wants that parent-child relationship with her more than anything, regardless of who ends up being the parent because we’ve each been both over the years, but I don’t want to hurt her any more by bringing this up when I don’t know how she’ll react. Even the thought of doing any more damage to her is tearing me apart, but so is sitting here internally screaming at not being able to do anything. My mind is kind of going in circles on what to do at this point.

I don’t really have much of an actual point here, I just wanted to post these thoughts somewhere because it’s absurdly frustrating and weighing me down, and I needed to get it off my chest.

Only you can cut your cords with anyone you so chose to. Spirit 'people' from our PL's are just our friends and family coming to help, only they are not physical any more. They mean well and do it out of unconditional love, but like with physical people you can give them boundaries too. I have Spirit friends who know where they can and cannot be in my house or wherever I may be at the time. Some know that if I invite them into one of those 'forbidden' areas then they should not feel guilty for being there. However and I presume you mean that your PL mother has returned to the physical and you are physical friends with, you can also cut those cords too. Ask your guides to help you (that is if you know or speak with them).

Everyone on some level knows who we all are to each other. I have a friend at work who I'm sure was in another lifetime with me, but I am not able to work out which one. And that's okay, it proves that I don't need to know. If your friend knows subconsciously, then it's not your area to let her know consciously. Sometimes when people have something they don't consciously believe in held up in front of their face, to them it feels like you're holding a pistol to their head. Trust me. I've done it before. Been there, got the t-shirt. I think what you need to do is really take a brutal stance and ask yourself: " What is it that you REALLY want from this friendship/relationship?" Do you think the reason why you want this parent-child relationship stems from your past self or your present self? You can do something, but be careful -- what you want and what you may achieve by following your wants may turn out to be less what you want.

Remember, once you discover the "root cause" and heal it, those emotions will disappear and you will look back and think: "What was I so invested in truly?"

Hope some of my words have helped you,
Eva x

 

[cloud potato]

Agreed with Eva.

I had met a woman who spurred some of my past life memories. She was a wife from a past life. I even met her in her special place mentally, where she goes to heal her emotional wounds with her boyfriends. I only know this because I later told her about the dream and she confirmed the setting I described as a place she visualizes regularly. She was my wife and suddenly I felt all this longing for her. It really messed with me when I found out she didn't want the connection in this life. When she accepted my friends advances in front of me and ended up making moves with him even though she had a boyfriend. I guess her relationship with her boyfriend was shaky at the time.

Now years have passed and I don't feel anywhere near as bothered by it. I also realize I wanted her physically in this life, among many other women. Yes we really shared a past life, I believe it. There's not many other ways to explain the psychic phenomenon happening as a result of our working together... And I realize I have encountered many people from a past life who either, know it and don't want it to continue- or know it and just don't really care.

It makes you wonder why you're brought together anyway... Maybe to remember a greater Truth about Life and lifetimes... ?
During that time I also met a very kind gentleman and he would regularly visit me just so our spirits could greet the other. And also during that time I had a glimpse of a past life with another male co-worker. So maybe there was something to the physical location responsible for these occurrences. But something served as a magnet at that time, and suddenly it was like I was being visited by so many people I had shared something with at some point in Eternity. Now I don't talk to any of them.

In the end I feel better for not having repeated.... Whatever it was with her. For not having involved myself in all the drama produced by her in this current life. She really did me a favor. It is for growth on a personal level after all.

!!! I would love to read your book sometime! Best of luck.

 

[Emma66]

My past lives, however, have not escaped my mind. It’s part of what keeps me awake at night. Do any of you feel just really burdened in remembering the things you’ve done? Good or bad. Does it feel like emotional overload for anybody else?

The same for me. I spent months searching for evidence, trying to remember and understand and thought I would let go the past but the past is still with me. (I can't stop looking for past lives related information, I have just found on the internet an old photo of Marines in Vietnam and I am sure I am one of them. The quality is so bad that it's hard to compare it to my photo on the virtual memorial but I know it was "me" . This thought occupies my mind and now I need to remember the names of the other guys on the picture..)

One of my mothers from a PL has been in and out of my life lately and it’s making things rather difficult for me.

My current life mother was also my mother in as past life when I was an orphan at 3 or 4. I missed her so much in my past life, spending hours looking at her picture on a piano at my grandparents. Both were interested in playing piano and classical music but they were so different. Due to religious conviction, she absolutely rejects reincarnation and because of old age and health I don't want to bother her with that.

 

[aqualeo]

I struggle with purpose and identity. I ran countries and empires and now, I'm just some guy? I mean, I know I have what I want and that is to spend time with my son, but it feels selfish and underwhelming in some way, like I should be doing something helpful for humanity and I'm not.

I think past lives have their own burden that we come to understand once the whole feeling of realizing that you were someone else and pining for that time / person is over. I'm just starting to realize that now.

out of curiosity, do you feel a connection with the song viva la vida by coldplay? i instantly thought of it when reading your comment. ive always loved that song and found it oddly personal, tho my pl was nothing quite so epic. i may have had people's lives in my hands (not empires tho!) but i do find that i like having that NOT be the case, now. learning to take care of personal life and not give so much to a career feels like a nice change of pace, in a way. i hope it feels that way for you, as well! i understand the "selfish" feeling a bit, as i have chosen a less ambitious life path this time, but neglecting the supposed smallscale--the feelings of those close to us--in favor of the large scale can be selfish in its own way

 

[aqualeo]

I love the song, but not for its words. I just bop my head to the melody every time. Much like the song Bizarre Love Triangle, which I think sounds similar.
That, and there's a video I have where I was filming a waterfall in Oregon on my first ever trip out there, and the song is on the radio in the background. Great memory there.

oh i love new order, that song is great! it's def similarly bittersweet.

 

[Totoro]

out of curiosity, do you feel a connection with the song viva la vida by coldplay? i instantly thought of it when reading your comment. ive always loved that song and found it oddly personal, tho my pl was nothing quite so epic. i may have had people's lives in my hands (not empires tho!) but i do find that i like having that NOT be the case, now. learning to take care of personal life and not give so much to a career feels like a nice change of pace, in a way. i hope it feels that way for you, as well! i understand the "selfish" feeling a bit, as i have chosen a less ambitious life path this time, but neglecting the supposed smallscale--the feelings of those close to us--in favor of the large scale can be selfish in its own way

I've never heard the song before. I had a quick listen at work and I can see how that might have come up to you as you read my post! I'll listen to it on the way home, where I can turn it up some and get a feel for it.

Right now, I'm dealing with feelings of inadequacy and also loss of purpose. I'm discovering that I have needs of my own and I don't quite know what they are yet and I also don't know how to meet them.

Being unconventional and inherently non conformist, I don't know how to make things work as a normal person and it's proving to be quite frustrating. Despite that, I've always had the insulation of some sort of privilege that took care of my personal needs and allowed me to be myself without much effort. Now, I don't know how to get what I want (I can't even define that right now) out of the world and it's proving to be very frustrating.

At my best, all of that proved to be an advantage and I did great things. At my average (I suppose), all it does is to make me look crazy (for lack of a better word) to everyone else. On a whim, I did a quick search and found a comment about my 1st century life that described me as a un-conforming schizoid. Rolling my eyes here.. not totally unsurprised by that.

So this doesn't feel like a nice change of pace for me, but it also does feel like a necessary one. Only because I do feel that the world as the way it is now and I would hope that most nations and societies gravitate towards, is that each person can find what makes them unique and they can share it with the world in their own unique way. I don't think the world is there yet and neither am I, but I do think this life is about learning just to be me.

 

[aqualeo]

I've never heard the song before. I had a quick listen at work and I can see how that might have come up to you as you read my post! I'll listen to it on the way home, where I can turn it up some and get a feel for it.

Right now, I'm dealing with feelings of inadequacy and also loss of purpose. I'm discovering that I have needs of my own and I don't quite know what they are yet and I also don't know how to meet them.

Being unconventional and inherently non conformist, I don't know how to make things work as a normal person and it's proving to be quite frustrating. Despite that, I've always had the insulation of some sort of privilege that took care of my personal needs and allowed me to be myself without much effort. Now, I don't know how to get what I want (I can't even define that right now) out of the world and it's proving to be very frustrating.

At my best, all of that proved to be an advantage and I did great things. At my average (I suppose), all it does is to make me look crazy (for lack of a better word) to everyone else. On a whim, I did a quick search and found a comment about my 1st century life that described me as a un-conforming schizoid. Rolling my eyes here.. not totally unsurprised by that.

So this doesn't feel like a nice change of pace for me, but it also does feel like a necessary one. Only because I do feel that the world as the way it is now and I would hope that most nations and societies gravitate towards, is that each person can find what makes them unique and they can share it with the world in their own unique way. I don't think the world is there year and neither am I, but I do think this life is about learning just to be me.

Happy to introduce someone to a modern classic!

and hm, i'm currently dreading starting my new job, because i always have issues with fitting in at work. so i think i kind of understand where you're coming from re the struggles of being, for both better and worse, unconventional.

i often think to myself "i should have just sucked it up with math and become a surgeon. no one expects them to be social, the stereotype is the opposite." but i think that i would become detrimentally alienated from people if i went into that line of work again in this life. i mean, i already struggle to react appropriately to tragedy on the news and such, i build emotional walls easily. it's hard to have to actually connect with the world this time around, as more than just parts to fix :-/

but it's great you have such a healthy attitude of being like "this sucks but it's necessary." learning to "just be me" is an exciting journey, even if it's a pain, wishing you luck! i know one of my primary past life lessons is about learning to be an individual (but not a recluse!) as opposed to "A Twin," and to not worry about outshining anyone etc... and i kind of hate it even though i'm leeearning to have fun with it...so, solidarity on that front for sure