smickle
New Member
This will probably be a long post.
Things have been challenging for me this lifetime. Usually when I tell my life story, I get a speechless face, or the ever so uplifting comment, "Wow! I'm surprised you're not a drug addict or living on the streets now!"
I'll save you the details of the abuse I endured as a child, but I'll say: I didn't know I was allowed to pee when I had to til I was 18. I didn't realize how much I was effected by my abuse til I was 23, looking in my fridge one day, so distraught, hungry, and closing the door of the fridge. I said to myself, "You're allowed to eat the grapes!" and that was when I realized I'm allowed to eat when I'm hungry. I was forced to learn as a kid not to listen to my natural instincts.
I have some issues in life, but I've got an excellent mind and a lot of resiliency, I've managed to keep my neck above the water. I've utilized psychiatrists and counsellors over the years, but I've found them limiting. It's difficult to find people to discuss things with who want to take reincarnation into their approach!
It was a WWII life that seems to be haunting me forever, and I don't know what to do anymore!!!!
I always felt that the whole world is my brotherhood, to the very core of my being. I don't care who you are or where your from, but I am sensitive to people's troubles to no end. I can't watch the news because the images of homicide and devastation everywhere makes it hard for me to accept this is the planet I live on. And somewhere in me, I feel like a past life of mine was filled with terrible trauma that impacted humanity, and I want to love every one so much for whatever happened that makes me feel this way. I think I was some sort of genetic experiment for Hitler's army, or something equally as sinister, and I cannot shake this feeling. It makes me feel like my heart is throwing up in itself
By the time I was in the 10th grade, I was excused from most Social Studies assignments and was given other projects to work on insteading of attending class on days that WWII was discussed, I was considered a 'Modern Day Conscientious Objector' and the school was kind enough to recognize how traumatizing the classes were for me. I would tear up and start telling my classmates how war is never okay, and they couldn't comprehend the horror from just reading the textbook (though I clearly did, and I never watched war movies either, eeeeeeeh! i think i'm actually getting a little upset right now, writing this)...
...so. In this lifetime I am living with an eating disorder, which I manage okay most of the time, but I know it has it's roots somewhere in wartimes, not just this lifetime. I have an extremely strong aversion to the sound of people chewing (and you have no idea how relieved I was a few years ago when I discovered Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, even though I can't find a professional who's willing to look it up or treat it). I cannot freaking stand the sound of people chewing and it's actually impairing my life right now. I just started going to college this year, and when people are eating chips or carrot sticks in the classroom, I go mental. I start sweating so bad it will pool down my arm and drip onto the floor, and if I don't do something to distract myself, I get these gruesome images of... bad images like I have seen in Holocaust photos! I've had hearing tests and apparently everything is fine, and I've even gone for testing for certain mental disorders because I have been worried about my brain chemistry! Medication was no help. For those who hate nails on a chalkboard, just imagine this a thousand times worse.
I have had this unique characteristic since I was a kid. As long as I can remember, I excuse myself from a table if people are eating and try to hide in the bathroom for as long as possible to get away from the sounds. I'm so sensitive to chewing sounds, I can hear them down hallways and from behind closed doors. I realize this sounds a little absurd... and it is! Trust me, I live with it. When I used to work retail jobs, I absolutely couldn't stand dealing with customers who chew gum, and would do anything possible to get away from the customer and off the sales floor.
What I am getting to (thanks for following if you still are) is that I know this quirk comes from something to do with another life. Whether I was starved and people were able to eat around me, I don't know. But I know it goes back to that life and there seems to be no route to curing this for me. It's driving me batty.
How do you deal with a horrific past life that you don't really want to revisit? I'd like to gain some sort of knowledge on how to deal with something that I only know the effect of, not the cause.
Any insights? Ideas?
Thank you so much
Things have been challenging for me this lifetime. Usually when I tell my life story, I get a speechless face, or the ever so uplifting comment, "Wow! I'm surprised you're not a drug addict or living on the streets now!"
I'll save you the details of the abuse I endured as a child, but I'll say: I didn't know I was allowed to pee when I had to til I was 18. I didn't realize how much I was effected by my abuse til I was 23, looking in my fridge one day, so distraught, hungry, and closing the door of the fridge. I said to myself, "You're allowed to eat the grapes!" and that was when I realized I'm allowed to eat when I'm hungry. I was forced to learn as a kid not to listen to my natural instincts.
I have some issues in life, but I've got an excellent mind and a lot of resiliency, I've managed to keep my neck above the water. I've utilized psychiatrists and counsellors over the years, but I've found them limiting. It's difficult to find people to discuss things with who want to take reincarnation into their approach!
It was a WWII life that seems to be haunting me forever, and I don't know what to do anymore!!!!
I always felt that the whole world is my brotherhood, to the very core of my being. I don't care who you are or where your from, but I am sensitive to people's troubles to no end. I can't watch the news because the images of homicide and devastation everywhere makes it hard for me to accept this is the planet I live on. And somewhere in me, I feel like a past life of mine was filled with terrible trauma that impacted humanity, and I want to love every one so much for whatever happened that makes me feel this way. I think I was some sort of genetic experiment for Hitler's army, or something equally as sinister, and I cannot shake this feeling. It makes me feel like my heart is throwing up in itself
By the time I was in the 10th grade, I was excused from most Social Studies assignments and was given other projects to work on insteading of attending class on days that WWII was discussed, I was considered a 'Modern Day Conscientious Objector' and the school was kind enough to recognize how traumatizing the classes were for me. I would tear up and start telling my classmates how war is never okay, and they couldn't comprehend the horror from just reading the textbook (though I clearly did, and I never watched war movies either, eeeeeeeh! i think i'm actually getting a little upset right now, writing this)......so. In this lifetime I am living with an eating disorder, which I manage okay most of the time, but I know it has it's roots somewhere in wartimes, not just this lifetime. I have an extremely strong aversion to the sound of people chewing (and you have no idea how relieved I was a few years ago when I discovered Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, even though I can't find a professional who's willing to look it up or treat it). I cannot freaking stand the sound of people chewing and it's actually impairing my life right now. I just started going to college this year, and when people are eating chips or carrot sticks in the classroom, I go mental. I start sweating so bad it will pool down my arm and drip onto the floor, and if I don't do something to distract myself, I get these gruesome images of... bad images like I have seen in Holocaust photos! I've had hearing tests and apparently everything is fine, and I've even gone for testing for certain mental disorders because I have been worried about my brain chemistry! Medication was no help. For those who hate nails on a chalkboard, just imagine this a thousand times worse.
I have had this unique characteristic since I was a kid. As long as I can remember, I excuse myself from a table if people are eating and try to hide in the bathroom for as long as possible to get away from the sounds. I'm so sensitive to chewing sounds, I can hear them down hallways and from behind closed doors. I realize this sounds a little absurd... and it is! Trust me, I live with it. When I used to work retail jobs, I absolutely couldn't stand dealing with customers who chew gum, and would do anything possible to get away from the customer and off the sales floor.
What I am getting to (thanks for following if you still are) is that I know this quirk comes from something to do with another life. Whether I was starved and people were able to eat around me, I don't know. But I know it goes back to that life and there seems to be no route to curing this for me. It's driving me batty.
How do you deal with a horrific past life that you don't really want to revisit? I'd like to gain some sort of knowledge on how to deal with something that I only know the effect of, not the cause.
Any insights? Ideas?
Thank you so much
