(this is dictated on my iPhone so I apologize if some spelling or grammar is off).
Hello,
I saw this message when I was lurking a few months ago. I've only ever been to this site one other time up until a day or two ago. I was pretty surprised the first time I saw this, especially because you also posted the thread about early Theosophists. I almost posted then, but I didn't for whatever reason. Then the other day I was on a totally unrelated site and saw the name "Kailani," and it struck me and I looked up the meaning, which I saw was "sea and sky." Not an hour later I found myself back here for some reason; I remembered your post but not your username. When I saw what it was, I thought maybe it was a sign that I should post here.
Anyway, not too long ago I was in this occult group, which in my opinion getting to be more and more of a cult. I met my husband there and some great friends, but we decided to leave it in 2014. Anyway, we were pretty core members of the group, and we are leaders of the group thought they were Crowley and Mcgregor Mathers (they believe they were a lot of different people, some I agree with and some I question. But I have had memories of them being some of these people, without knowing they claim to be those people when I had the memory. Four instance, they claim to be Thomas Jefferson (Mathers) and Benjamin Franklin (Crowley). I had a spontaneous and vivid memory of being in France at a dinner table talking to the teacher in the 1700s, who then I realized was Benjamin Franklin. Later when I asked a student about it, she told me that he does tell closer students that he was Franklin). Many of the other students also thought they were reincarnations of people in the Golden Dawn or the OTO. It sounds crazy I know, but when I joined the group online I had dreams about Crowley, not knowing he was part of this group and not being interested in him at all before that. Then I somehow knew that it was this teacher the first time I visited in person. So I think it is him (also based on his personality, ego, charisma, and magical aptitude now, also he was born on April 8, the first day day the Book of the Law was received. He also had people telling him he was Crowley before he thought so himself, and his students look eearily similar and have similar personalities and interests to some of OTO students in the past. His ex-girlfriend looks very similar to one of his Scarlet women). I think knew Crowley then, but was not a student. I'm not interested in Thelema much at all.
In the group, my husband was assumed to be Paul Foster Case, based on intuition I guess, and relationships with other people in the group. He wasn't the first one who said that; the girlfriend of one of the leaders, who was supposedly Moina Mathers, did and the leaders agreed. Before she said that, he was signing his name "perseverance," not knowing that was Case's magical motto. He was a teacher in this order and both the leaders and the other students said he was a very good magical teacher.
My husband thinks I was Dion Fortune. I am not entirely sure. I have some similarities, and when I read her writings it does very much sound like me. Before I joined this order I had the idea to write a book called The Cosmic Doctrine, not knowing about her or that she had a book called that. I spent years writing a book on the nature of reality, not knowing that she did the same. But I don't have any memories. I have some memories of being in a boarding school like setting in the early 1900s, which may match a school she was in. Also I've had memories, years before I joined this occult school, of learning psychology in the 1920s or so, which she did. Also, I had a similar relationship to the supposed reincarnation of Moina as my husband did (Case and fortune were both expelled from Alpha and Omega by Moina), though he was in the school much longer and much more history with her.
But I also have memories that seem not to match so well. Well, not memories exactly, but impressions. I think I was a Theosophist. When I was 14, my first independent spiritual reading was modern Theosophical books and I LOVED them. They are what really set me off on the spiritual path this lifetime. I am drawn to a mix of Hindu and Occult beliefs. I've been obsessed with everything about India my whole life pretty much. For several years I was exclusively folllwing Vedanta, specifically Sri Aurobindo. know Dion Fortune was a Theosophist briefly, but from what I've read, she was critical of Eastern influences and thought that in the West, a Western approach was better (Anna Kingsford, whom I mention below, thought the same). That doesn't sound much like me at all.
I also think I actually knew Blavatsky. OK, some more stuff that sounds crazy: I'm an initiate of a certain Kriya Yoga group. The leaders of the occult school were too, but seem to have had a falling out with leaders; basically they wanted to do their own thing and want to do the gurus themselves, even though they lack the humility and wisdom and everything a guru needs ( there is a lot of animosity and karma between us), and started trash talking Kriya. Though for a while they were definitely devout followers. Anyway, they believe the wife of the guru was Blavatsky. I think it's mostly speculation, though I agree based on a bunch of reasons that I can get into if you want. When I first saw the guru's wife, I had an extremely emotional reaction that shocked me. I saw her from a distance in a crowded auditorium in Queens and started crying. That night I had a dream where she gave me a Kali-like energy transmission and I asked her if she was Blavatsky, and she smiled. It wasn't a definite yes, it was kind of mysterious, but I think it was saying that she was.
Also, one of the senior American disciples is said to be Olcott. Yes, it is more speculation, as he doesn't really like to confirm his own past incarnations (he thinks we should focus on the present), but he does look very similar to him and is close to the guru's wife and the Guru, who himself claims to be an incarnation of El Morya. Is also a spiritual teacher in his own right. He actually married me and my husband on February 17, which I didn't know until later is a prominent day in Theosophy. I'm not sure if that's significant.
Anyway, I think I knew Blavatsky and Olcott. I also get strong feelings when looking at photos of William Quan Judge. Sometimes I think I was Anna Kingsford (though honestly that's mainly based on her similarities with Dion fortune, and that she died two years before Fortune was born), but honestly for some reason she really annoys me. I don't like her at all. She seems like an arrogant snob, and a bit crazy and an egomaniac. I don't know if that means I definitely wasn't her though. I have impressions of both London and New York in the late 1800s, which don't fit her as I don't think she ever travel to America. Neither did Dion Fortune. But I also have feelings of being out west, like taking the train out to the western United States. I also think I was in India. I have also considered that I was Annie Besant, who I don't really like either. I think it might just be because she never smiles in photos and the whole Krishnamurti debacle. I was a member of the Socialist party when I was a teenager, and I was an atheist when I was a young teenager; before she became a theosophist she was a well-known atheist and socialist. And she lived in India and was passionate about India. I definitely think I was on occult author; I've always wanted to be an occult writer in this lifetime and have started writing some huge treatises.
This is kind of convoluted; I apologize. I've been having flashes of past lives for at least 15 years. It can be very frustrating though because often I'll have a memory and forget it as soon as it happened. I often asked God to stop making me have these memories that don't amount to anything. They're impressions that come up and make me feel all these emotions and seem to try to tell me something but I don't know what it is exactly. Other people seem to be OK with not caring about past lives, but it's like some mystery I feel compelled to solve. Probably partially because of these on memory flashes.
Maybe we can help each other connect the dots.