Reflections of Memory

[Widmo]

I have an inability at this point in my meditations to get beyond this dark place. I don't know if this is a common problem or a personal one. My meditations start out as most do, in that quiet place. I imagine a place that has always been peaceful to me. Sounds like the usual experience- except for the dark place. All peace goes right out the window. Instead- Everything becomes dark, literally sometimes as an absence of light, and dark in the meaning of going to a place in my memories that are not pleasant.
I'll use my life from the 1940's as an example, since it tends to be the one that seeps through the most. The 1940's for me were a very turbulent,violent, and destructive period. It seems from the outside to be a time when I could do almost anything and not have to answer for it. Internally however, is another story. Mentally and emotionally it was unpleasant-covered with a false exterior to show the world. I saw people undergo horrific conditions, unwillingly and ignorantly/naively willingly.
My mind tends to swim around this during my meditations. It seems to be blocked by this-despite my having a sure foot on where, who, and what I was and know. I know there is much to learn and I thought I had. I stopped remembering in dreams, and thought. I don't know if that time will ever go away completely. It may go dim like candle light, but it always burns.
I can't clear it all out. Is going to that "Dark Place" a blockage to meditation or actually a door to walk through, and face head on?

 

[BriarRose]

I think if you feel strong enough, and ready, you need to go through that door. Only you know if those conditions have been met. Blessings.

 

[Widmo]

Thank you for your reply BriarRose. I feel ready and have tried to go through it, and it still remains the same. Like a blockage-are there any good techniques to move past this?

 

[BriarRose]

I have a blockage myself, about a life that ended in 1928. Others have tried to counsel me beyond the moment of death, but I never get past it.

 

[Widmo]

I had a strange-yet significant verification last night. I hadn't been looking into any of my memories recently, nor really paying any attention. Last night I had decided to watch a documentary called "Nazi Medicine." WWII and the Holocaust has always interested me, and was once my major. About half way through the documentary, they began to play an old newsreel film of this building. I recognized it immediately-this building, as I had dreamed of it before!!


I had dreamed of this ornate building with amazing architecture inside and out-someone took great care in building this. The wood looked finely polished and the floors were marbled. I dreamed that I was there for some sort of business or meeting. I don't recall anymore. I just remember feeling it was of great importance to either myself or some cause. Here it was- this building!! I was honestly shocked and completely surprised to see this building on TV!


Using the information I had gathered from the documentary, I traced the building as being in Dresden. It was the German Hygiene Museum. Which has been around for some time and still is. I know when was there in my dreams, I was most likely in my 20's. In the 1933, the Nazi party took over the museum and used it as one of their foundations for eugenics and racial ideology.


What went on after 1933 there, I am not too sure. Why I was there to begin with? I don't know either. I do know it is one of the strangest verifications I have ever had- but also one of the more solid and concrete ones for me, allowing some doubts to go away.


Unfortunately I can't find pics of the interior during the 1930's, nor the film, but here are pictures of the building itself:


http://www.bildindex.de/obj32021023.html#|home

 

[Widmo]

You can see a partial view of the hallway in this video (the mural with the children) :

 

[argonne1918]

I guess the old building was destroyed in the war, maybe the infamous fire-bombing.

 

[Widmo]

I guess the old building was destroyed in the war, maybe the infamous fire-bombing.

It was partially destroyed and rebuilt and Dresden was pretty destroyed during the firebombing....

 

[BriarRose]

The mural of the children was memorable, and would stand out in your mind. The old pictures with Nazis were upsetting - I guess just from knowing about their eugenics program, and the experiments that were performed on people. It must be much worse for you. You are doing a remarkable job of confronting the past.

 

[Widmo]

The mural of the children was memorable, and would stand out in your mind. The old pictures with Nazis were upsetting - I guess just from knowing about their eugenics program, and the experiments that were performed on people. It must be much worse for you. You are doing a remarkable job of confronting the past.

It was a remarkable building from what I remember. Still not sure how I ended up there-it was a little bit of a ways from my hometown. A lot of my early life then in missing. I ended up south briefly and then north to Poland for a few years-then east. Interestingly enough, the German Hygiene Museum was often frequented by American Doctors and Scientists, along with German Doctors of course. It seems they would trade ideas and learn from one another.

 

[BriarRose]

This country hid from reality about what was going on in Germany for a long time. I understand that it was easier to do that, because realities that harsh are hard to comprehend.

 

[Widmo]

This country hid from reality about what was going on in Germany for a long time. I understand that it was easier to do that, because realities that harsh are hard to comprehend.

It was very hard for a lot of people to comprehend. I think even if they could, they couldn't quite grasp the magnitude and the numbers that would eventually come out. Even those within the countries themselves being affected, and those perpetrating.


I was searching into a train depot that I had remembered leaving home for service, and I found it. This is similar to how it looked in the 1930's. I believe it may have been destroyed at some point and rebuilt, but this is similar to how I remember it. It can be strange looking at places you once were and knowing that during the war it was destroyed. The amount that Europe has recovered and rebuilt is amazing. I also remember running into others whom I had and would later serve with as well before being stationed in Poland.

 

[Nightrain]

The world knew that persecution was taking place in Germany, just as we know that it was taking place in Cambodia, East Timor, Turkey, Bosnia and Herzegovina as well as in the States. I don't think people were hiding from it so much as they were preoccupied by their own numerous problems. In the States we were still in a depression while suffering drought and dust storms, floods in other places, race riots, polio and widespread government corruption in others. It is all to easy for us to criticize our forebearers when we have the advantage of hindsight along with the arrogance of looking through history through a narrow telescope.

 

[Widmo]

The world knew that persecution was taking place in Germany, just as we know that it was taking place in Cambodia, East Timor, Turkey, Bosnia and Herzegovina as well as in the States. I don't think people were hiding from it so much as they were preoccupied by their own numerous problems. In the States we were still in a depression while suffering drought and dust storms, floods in other places, race riots, polio and widespread government corruption in others. It is all to easy for us to criticize our forebearers when we have the advantage of hindsight along with the arrogance of looking through history through a narrow telescope.

I wasn't criticizing anyone, merely stating the fact that it was known. Of course the US had their own problems, as did numerous other countries. Much of Europe was still rebuilding from the first world war. My point was that, even though it was known what was occurring, it could not be comprehended just how bad it had gotten and the scores of people being affected.

 

[Nightrain]

I wasn't criticizing anyone, merely stating the fact that it was known.

Please understand that no criticism was intended, especially toward you. There is, unfortunately, a general atmosphere among the majority of society to feel morally superior toward those who failed to speak out against what was taking place in Germany during the 30's and 40's.

 

[BriarRose]

I agree with Widmo. I don't feel moral superiority toward anyone. If I was alive during that time, I might have been an isolationist, because I often feel that way now. I understand that the aftermath of World War I was badly mishandled, and the German people suffered as a result. As far as I can remember, I was a Jewish American woman in the 1930's, and reports were coming out. I knew what was happening, but if I did anything proactive to help my fellow Jews, I am unaware of it.

 

[tanguerra]

I have an inability at this point in my meditations to get beyond this dark place. I don't know if this is a common problem or a personal one. ... It seems to be blocked by this-despite my having a sure foot on where, who, and what I was and know. I know there is much to learn and I thought I had. I stopped remembering in dreams, and thought. I don't know if that time will ever go away completely. It may go dim like candle light, but it always burns.
I can't clear it all out. Is going to that "Dark Place" a blockage to meditation or actually a door to walk through, and face head on?

Often my psyche does not want to go back to bad memories and it's probably not all that necessary to tell the truth. If you feel you have the essentials of what happened, why rake over it all again? It's not necessary for healing or closure.


What you need for healing/reconciliation with the past/self-forgiveness is to contemplate your life now and how it fits with what happened in the past.


Get out your journal and write down: What did you learn last time that you have carried with you? What amends can you make (if any) to people you may have caused harm to in the past? What will you do differently from now on?


These are the things that build serenity and peace, not raking over the past endlessly or beating yourself up with guilt about it. That is non-productive (even for present life issues).


You may find that once you have done this more things will come to you spontaneously that will help fill out the picture for you, but I don't think it is wise or helpful to 'force' a memory when it doesn't want to come, especially if you pretty much know what happened anyway.

 

[Widmo]

I agree with Widmo. I don't feel moral superiority toward anyone. If I was alive during that time, I might have been an isolationist, because I often feel that way now. I understand that the aftermath of World War I was badly mishandled, and the German people suffered as a result. As far as I can remember, I was a Jewish American woman in the 1930's, and reports were coming out. I knew what was happening, but if I did anything proactive to help my fellow Jews, I am unaware of it.

A great deal of people, including those themselves being affected could have done more. But in the end hindsight is 20/20 and shoulda, coulda, woulda's only lead us so far. I don't want to criticize or place blame because in the end it does no good and history doesn't change. One thing that has always baffled me is why didn't the majority of those affected do something about it. Sure, you had the resistances, but over all, people willingly ( and I use that loosely) went. Granted, a lot had no idea what was going to happen, and I'm not saying it was deserved. My point is, a lot of people didn't fight back. I would have. Anyone try to take my family, me, and my life and I'd fight. I guess that is one of the the things that really bothers me. Sometimes it was so obvious-other times, no. I don't want to offend anyone with this-so I'll stop here.


From a young age I would contemplate such questions. About how and why things happen. How people can be "willingly led" and others who "willingly lead others."


I have poured over my notes that I've been taking for over the last 10 years about my experiences and memories. I don't yet have them organized...and hope to soon. A lot of things people don't want to hear, or won't hear. Even I am guilty of this. I would go from blaming everyone else, including those whom I affected. However, I am personally responsible for my own personal actions, and is everyone else for their own.


It was a unique moment in time, those years. Events, what was going on, politics, reconstruction, etc. So, it is really complicated to just point and say "hey-this was the cause. Or this is why" and perhaps it can explain people's views and actions or non-action.

 

[Widmo]

I found a picture the other day, that I believe to be of my wife and my daughter-including possibly another relative of either hers or mine. It's hard to tell, the picture is very grainy.


the feeling of possibly seeing who may be y daughter brings forth the sort of feelings a new parent gets upon seeing their newborn-that joy and being proud. I can even see that she got some of my sense of humor. We are being "photobombed" by someone's dog and she is having a laugh of it!

 

[BriarRose]

I think that if you resisted, or fought back, it was a certain death sentence. That would be true for any German citizen, I'm sure. Most of us cling to life as long as we can. I have often been bewildered by the urge to prolong your own life beyond reasonable limits. I'm thinking of people over eighty who have open heart surgery, etc. It must be motivated by fear of the unknown, because your life intention should have been accomplished by that age. If it hasn't been, you will probably have to carry that task into another lifetime. I've been reading an alternative history of WWII (fiction) by Harry Turtledove. In it the world is attacked by aliens during the war. All countries have to cooperate to fight off the threat. One of the most fascinating plot lines is about a Polish ghetto, populated by Jews. They decide to collaborate with the aliens, because of obvious reasons. The book is called "World War: In The Balance". You might find it an interesting "read", Widmo.

 

[tanguerra]

A great deal of people, including those themselves being affected could have done more. But in the end hindsight is 20/20 and shoulda, coulda, woulda's only lead us so far. I don't want to criticize or place blame because in the end it does no good and history doesn't change. One thing that has always baffled me is why didn't the majority of those affected do something about it. Sure, you had the resistances, but over all, people willingly ( and I use that loosely) went. Granted, a lot had no idea what was going to happen, and I'm not saying it was deserved. My point is, a lot of people didn't fight back...

I ask myself this about the current climate emergency. People in the future will look at this time and wonder why people didn't do something about it while we still had a chance. This is going to be a far larger catastrophe than WWII, but nobody seems to bothered about doing anything about it, like giving up their cars or paying for solar panels, or overthrowing the government.... Sure there are a few people demonstrating and agitating, and doing things, but the vast majority barely think about it, let alone do anything. It's not that we don't have access to the information either. It's that it's mostly ignored.

 

[tanguerra]

... Most of us cling to life as long as we can. I have often been bewildered by the urge to prolong your own life beyond reasonable limits. I'm thinking of people over eighty who have open heart surgery, etc....

I see this as basic survival instincts built into the body. It's instinctive to clutch for a rope when drowning, fight for our last breath, step back from a ledge, run away from fire, seek shelter when cold, find food when hungry etc. This is a purely physical response in my view, something the body (our survival capsule) does of its own accord. The body will override the mind when its survival is at stake most of the time. This is a good thing on the whole!


Sure, the mind is often in control (or appears to be in control) of making decisions, as you say, in the decision whether or not to have surgery, but underlying that is the basic will to live built into the body.

 

[tanguerra]

I found a picture the other day, that I believe to be of my wife and my daughter-including possibly another relative of either hers or mine. It's hard to tell, the picture is very grainy.
the feeling of possibly seeing who may be y daughter brings forth the sort of feelings a new parent gets upon seeing their newborn-that joy and being proud. I can even see that she got some of my sense of humor. We are being "photobombed" by someone's dog and she is having a laugh of it!

Lovely. It might be worth meditating on this photo and see if you can recall more about this moment.

 

[argonne1918]

People in the future will look at this time and wonder why people didn't do something about it while we still had a chance.

I think many people believe God will take care of them no matter what. And some are still waiting for the "Rapture".

 

[tanguerra]

I think many people believe God will take care of them no matter what. And some are still waiting for the "Rapture".

It's an easy cop out to think that some greater force (God, however you conceive her, fate, the 'government', the 'law', whatever) will solve all your problems. It leads to passivity. It happens a lot.

 

[Widmo]

Survival, to me means that I'd do anything to not only protect myself, but my family. I couldn't idly stand by as others drive me to my death or my families death. I understand the idea that to possibly survive, would mean to be as unnoticed as possible, however with the camps, noticed or not, didn't necessarily mean survival, especially if a transport was to be liquidated. Unless perhaps they were a laborer. Then being unnoticed would be a good thing.

 

[Widmo]

It's an easy cop out to think that some greater force (God, however you conceive her, fate, the 'government', the 'law', whatever) will solve all your problems. It leads to passivity. It happens a lot.

That was a question I often asked myself- why would a good and divine being allow such hell to happen to those who didn't deserve. Makes it incredibly hard to believe. That's a whole different conversation and thread altogether. It's something survivors ask themselves. I watched a documentary the other day and one survivor stated "I can't understand why God would allow this to happen, how can I believe? On the other hand, the same God allowed me to live" It's an interesting thought-but something we can't really comprehend.

 

[Widmo]

I think that if you resisted, or fought back, it was a certain death sentence. That would be true for any German citizen, I'm sure. Most of us cling to life as long as we can. I have often been bewildered by the urge to prolong your own life beyond reasonable limits. I'm thinking of people over eighty who have open heart surgery, etc. It must be motivated by fear of the unknown, because your life intention should have been accomplished by that age. If it hasn't been, you will probably have to carry that task into another lifetime. I've been reading an alternative history of WWII (fiction) by Harry Turtledove. In it the world is attacked by aliens during the war. All countries have to cooperate to fight off the threat. One of the most fascinating plot lines is about a Polish ghetto, populated by Jews. They decide to collaborate with the aliens, because of obvious reasons. The book is called "World War: In The Balance". You might find it an interesting "read", Widmo.

Thank you for your reading suggestion BriarRose! I'll see if I can find it on amazon. Thanks!

 

[tanguerra]

That was a question I often asked myself- why would a good and divine being allow such hell to happen to those who didn't deserve. Makes it incredibly hard to believe. That's a whole different conversation and thread altogether. It's something survivors ask themselves. I watched a documentary the other day and one survivor stated "I can't understand why God would allow this to happen, how can I believe? On the other hand, the same God allowed me to live" It's an interesting thought-but something we can't really comprehend.

Different people have different beliefs, but personally I don't hold God (however you conceive her) accountable for the misdeeds of individuals, accidents, miracles or bad luck. I don't think there is a heavenly puppet master allowing or not allowing things to happen. I don't think we are being micro-managed by a supreme being (what would be the point of that anyway?). We humans are doing all this stuff of our own free will - the good, the bad and the ugly.

 

[Widmo]

Different people have different beliefs, but personally I don't hold God (however you conceive her) accountable for the misdeeds of individuals, accidents, miracles or bad luck. I don't think there is a heavenly puppet master allowing or not allowing things to happen. I don't think we are being micro-managed by a supreme being (what would be the point of that anyway?). We humans are doing all this stuff of our own free will - the good, the bad and the ugly.

I couldn't agree more!