Thank you
No, I have run away from it ha ha.
I had trouble finding out what past life me did for a living. I saw her at a cafeteria helping out when being young so I thought she was a waitress. Then for some time I thought she was into fashion, a sketcher as I could see her in some office doing that and working with clothes and fabric. All of a sudden Marlon Brando walk in such an office (she knew him from years back when he was "skinny" and he loved nature, lakes, animals, they rescued a cat together just like she did) and it was just the two of them there then but the way this office was built, it is hard to describe those walls, they were walls, but not walls like I think of walls. They were something off with them, so it was kind of an open space at the same time as there were walls. Anyhow, he comes in, he talk to her with a bit of anger in his voice and a bit of being worried. He had by nature an authority to him. he puts what to me looked like a firm card of some kind and says "No, No, No!", then "Are you in trouble?" and him telling her that had he not told her from the start (years ago) that if she ever got in trouble, any kind of trouble, "you will come to me" and "Didn't you promise me?". I can only speculate what that scene was about. She was civil to him but she would not give him what he wanted, he wanted her to confide in him. It wasn't gonna happen.
Much later after remembering things of Marlon Brando I found evidence, once I realized who she had been, then I had to wait more years to find out they had known each other, even when she was very far away from Hollywood, I still don't get that bit, but their ways kept crossing in mysterious ways throughout her life.
In some scenes I realized she worked as a model. Finally I understood who she had been (but I don't feel comfortable telling here). But the thing with her sewing, wearing clothes she had made herself were true, her family was into that big time. I even remember one designer, a very nice lady who had pins in her mouth and was on her knee and I (she) was standing like a frozen statue. At one point I could see her (me) take this woman's hand and gently putting it over my tummy area. The woman's expression changed. I think it was her (my) way of telling her she was pregnant so they had to perhaps have a second plan regarding the dress she was designing for her.
Strangely in my life as well from early age people began grabbing my face as if they owned it and wanting me to be a child model but I got aggressive and refused to be part of any of that, later in life they wanted me in the model and/or the film industry, my mom even went as far as going over my head when pretending I had signed up for an art school to become an actress, and they took me in, I did not know, my mom showed up at this thing with the rest of the others, and they wondered where I was, ha ha, and she said I had gotten sick so she came in my place. She tried to convince me to go to this school, but I refused.
What I remember most from that past life is standing nude in a bath tube waiting for a scene and feeling like a complete failure, knowing this is bad. What hurt me the most is that I was questioned what kind of parent I was for now and then working in the showbiz world, and I mean really questioned. I remember early on thinking I will never work with any of this as nobody will ever question what kind of parent I will be, it was a very strong voice inside of me. Her children were her absolute everything, they were her movie stars, her reason for breathing.
People in this life wanted me in showbiz one way or another because of me being so (darn) sensitive, feelings shifting in my face, being an open book, and them liking my face and body, I suppose. But it is a most unreliable world, profession. I got myself a good, proper education instead and a stable job that I love. What has been with me is my love for music that I also had in that life, moved around in that world, remember some glimpses, scenes with people that I already knew who they were or later found out.
/Jaimie