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Accepting my memories as from a previous life - opened me up to mediumship?

BenjaminFR

BenjaminFR

Senior Registered
Good morning everyone!

I hope the subject I am raising is not going against the rules of the forum - if so, kindly let me know and I will get rid of the thread.

The topic I wish to raise in this thread is the relationship I have with my past 'identity', and how acknowledging him has led me to routinely have exchanges with other souls.

I have shared my story regarding the memories I carry of the life of Eugen in the Waffen-SS. While I have been very open to share details, there is one aspect that I have left out of my thread as I didn't want to mix everything: which is that accepting these images and visions have also opened my senses to messages from other souls who have passed.

I have always felt, throughout my life, that I was sometimes being influenced by other's thoughts, wether these 'others' are alive, or no longer here with us. I did however completely dismiss what I received from "the other side" (let's put is this way), as I had no way of integrating these experiences in my life - I had no one in my family or entourage who talked about it, I had a very biased view of Mediums since I only heard of them from skeptic sources.

However I have to say that the path to accepting my visions as past life memories came after the passing of my Grandfather, to whom I was very close. He was a D-Day veteran (he was english) and we both shared a passion for genealogy - we traced our family history down to the 1400s on my english side of the tree. Our very special bond never faded away, and the very moment he passed - I was in France at the time - it's as if he joined me and I remember feeling like he was there, telling me how much better he felt now, how he felt like he was swimming in endless love and peace, and how happy he was to see again - he was blind by the time he passed.

As I worked in China, he visited me regularly in thoughts and dreams, and was the one to lead me to the path to my past identity. I find it funny that my English D-day veteran of a grandfather, who introduced me to genealogy, was the one to lead me to remembering a past life as a German soldier! We have a very close bond and he is living a very interesting experience on the other side. He is a beautiful, warm and colourful soul.

But, now that a few years have passed and that I have grown to be much more comfortable with the exchanges with spirits, I feel at peace with sharing that I have had the great honour to give messages from the other side.

I have so far had exchanges with about 15 souls or so, some of them from my family - interestingly, I didn't know one of them, but he described who he was, and that lead me to uncover a family secret that I am grateful to have played a part in acknowleding - some of them that I didn't know.

As of now, I can say that some of them - especially two - have somehow always taken a very close watch at my life and are here to guide me. They have been kind enough to reveal themselved to me and I find it very interesting to see their "background" as they are probably the furthest away from what I would have imagined.

Some others have merely used my presence to pass a message to people I was with. I am glad to be able to give messages of love and forgiveness from the other side, and find it very beautiful that sometimes all it takes is simple words to pass for someone's life to take a new turn. Sometimes the messages are more complex, and are testimonies from souls who left too many things untold.

One last thing, as it was something I was wondering for a long time: I used to ask myself wether or not I would be able to share with souls who had lived in China, and didn't speak the languages I speak now. Well, after two very deep and humbling exchanges, I can say that it doesn't matter at all! Love knows no boundaries, it seems.

I thank you all for giving me the confidence to share with you all, and I would be very interested in knowing if you all, fellow friends, have experienced the acknowledgement of your past identities as the start of a big spiritual awakening.

Have a beautiful day!

Benjamin
 
It's not linked to reincarnation per se but both are a spiritual thing and requires atleast a bit of awareness/believing in something beyond what most are thought

Every animal and child can see and communicate with spirits, hence the 'weird' behaviour of pets and what do you think imaginary friends are?
Most learn to shut of the connection to the spirit world because they grow up hearing that their spirit friends aren't real, they're making it up, ghosts and spirits don't exist and so on they slowly start to block the ability to communicate with the spirits
 
CanSol said:
It's not linked to reincarnation per se but both are a spiritual thing and requires atleast a bit of awareness/believing in something beyond what most are thought

Every animal and child can see and communicate with spirits, hence the 'weird' behaviour of pets and what do you think imaginary friends are?
Most learn to shut of the connection to the spirit world because they grow up hearing that their spirit friends aren't real, they're making it up, ghosts and spirits don't exist and so on they slowly start to block the ability to communicate with the spirits
Click to expand...

This is one of many things that I loathe about modern culture that forces people to shut themselves off from the spiritual the west is particularly bad about this. I wish there would be some change in the modern world that allowed for or even accepted that there is more than what can be seen and touched.
 
There and back again said:
This is one of many things that I loathe about modern culture that forces people to shut themselves off from the spiritual the west is particularly bad about this. I wish there would be some change in the modern world that allowed for or even accepted that there is more than what can be seen and touched.
Click to expand...

Its because in the west, science has almost become a religion in itself, if it can't be measured with science materialism rules it can't exist. You cant measure spiritual things with science so it gets dismissed.
 
Science grows stranger by the day ... personally I don't find science and spiritual things, even religion, incompatible. Who knows where our scientific discoveries will lead? You can't get much more mysterious than the quantum universe ... even scientists don't fully understand it.
 
tanker said:
Science grows stranger by the day ... personally I don't find science and spiritual things, even religion, incompatible. Who knows where our scientific discoveries will lead? You can't get much more mysterious than the quantum universe ... even scientists don't fully understand it.
Click to expand...

The scientists that are trying to understand it have been called woo scientists unfortunately. There is a real fear of anything metaphysical in science
 
Benjamin,

Thanks for this post. It was really touching to read your account of your Grandfather.

I myself have had quite a few strange happenings over the years. I had an awakening around the age of 13 (I'm now 28), and it was since that awakening that the strange happenings have occurred over the years. Never all the time, the experiences ebb and flow depending on what is going on in my life. It was around that time I became aware of the concept and reality of reincarnation.

Despite that, it still took a good many years to open up to the memories of my most recent lifetime prior to this one, and, I suppose really look at the source of the pain I've been carrying around with me. Whilst opening to these memories, I've had yet more strange happenings. One of those includes contact with the spirit of my past selves brother (who died in 2004). He visited me one night whilst I was half awake/half asleep, and he gave me the encouragement to tell me that I was on the right pathway -- at the time I was considering contacting my past selves family and was restless with feelings of self doubt, and grief. I couldn't see my past selves brother with my physical eyes so much, it was more of an impression of where he was in the room (in the right corner, in front of my desk), and an outline of him, if that makes sense. I also had the overwhelming sense of his presence, as I remembered him, his personality, and the bond and love I felt for him. It was as strong as it was back when he and me were living as brothers. As for his personality -- it was certainly still there. At the time I was heavily pregnant with my third child, and he was just laughing his butt off at the fact I was a) a girl now and b) heavily pregnant. It wasn't malicious, it was just how we used to joke as brothers.... then he told me to stop taking everything so serious in life, relax a bit! Easy for him to say, I thought.

It's not the first time he 'visited' me, I've felt his presence at other times of doubt, and had strange happenings occurring with it (blinds moving in my house where there is not even window, objects moving, seeing things I associate with him in odd places). I know this all sounds bizarre, and for me it is hard to understand, but it is what I've experienced.

I've considered if he maybe has reincarnated already (he died in 2004), and for me it is a possibility. I've seen that my spirit/soul has interacted and kept in touch with my past selves family, probably whilst I've been sleeping. I know this as I had a memory of my brother before his death (when I would have been 13/14 in this life), I saw him in a wheelchair looking out of a window at the rain/plants outside. He was aware of my presence there in the corner of the room, and a feeling of utmost peace passed between us. I had the feeling he was very sick at the end of his life, possibly with cancer. In a conversation with the family, I found that this was unfortunately so, and he had passed away in hospice care in Hawaii where he was living at that time.

Could write more but already have written far too much!
Landsend.
 
I don’t think it’s strange different ‘abillities’ come together in one person. It’s all about altered states of consciousness. When you’re able to do this, this might come with so many ways to unfold.

For me it is hardly imposible to meditate. Yes, good old plain meditation. Not for me. My soul wants to leave my body, my consciousness grows bigger than the size of my appartment building, I start seeing visions and movies. I know it’s a stage but I cannot controll it. Somehow I change too quickly too altered states.
Yes, I can see spirits (not daily, a few times in my life), hear messages, voices in my head (and no, nothing psychotic), it’s quite easy for me to see images and videos in my head, but mostly unrelated to anything I know, I had OBE’s and real mystical experiences. I’ve had spirit guides talking to me, but that comes and goes. I am also a very practical person, very earthbound as well.
Three times in my life, I’ve experienced the merging with another (not living) soul. That’s very special, at least it has been for me. One time this person used me to speak (well, I typed down his words), another to share a feeling and another to deliver a message.
To give an example. When my brother in law had died and his body had left the house, I took some rest in his former bed. Not the one he had died in, because he had died in some kind of hospital bed next to his other bed. When I got up and tried to walk towards my familymembers, I felt like I was in a kind of energetic whirlpool, so weird and uncomfortable. In my head I heard his empathical words: Tell A. I love her. Tell A. I love her. Over and over and over again.
A. Is the name of my sister.

As soon as this energetic whirlpool was gone, his voice was gone too.
 
Today I want to post about another two experiences that happened to me, ones that I must admit I'm quite reluctant post about. But seen as there are many of you here with past lives connected to WWII/Germany, I feel I must. Benjamin, I hope you don't mind me using your thread here to detail this. If it's a problem I can move it to its own space.

These experiences happened to me at separate times in my life, with two different friends, one friend I met in college and lives nearby. Another friend who lives in America, whom I've never met in person but I've spoken to since I was around fourteen years old. Both of these friends have had incredibly hard lives. Both friends are of ethnic minority, and faced adversity in their lives, some of which is unspeakable on this platform. One of these friends I felt had autistic tendencies, but was undiagnosed at that time (not sure if he is now), but is now diagnosed with psychosis and on medication. The other has been diagnosed with autism and bi-polar disorder. I'll call the nearby friend 'S' and the online friend 'B'. (Most of this is from memory, but also from old emails to S and B)

I met B online back when I was going through severe agoraphobia and depression, around the age of 14. I really relied on the online interaction at that point of my life, since I literally had no support. Me and B became instant friends, we talked about everything. She told me things about her life that made me reflect on how blessed my life had been in comparison. We both had a great deal of pain, and I suppose talking to each other helped us get through the depression. We also talked a lot about metaphysical subjects. My friend B has one of the most open minds and hearts I've ever known. In fact, that could be her downfall as much as her strength. One of the things that B told me was that she used to talk to an 'evil' or 'dark' (I prefer the word dark) 'spirit' when she was feeling very low. This 'dark spirit' she said would sometimes try to manipulate her thoughts and feelings. We never talked much beyond that about it at that point. I told her about a meditation to focus on light whenever she felt so low, to help bring her out of those negative thoughts.

Fast forward a couple of years, I'm seventeen and in college. In college, I met S. I was instantly drawn to S without knowing why. Turns out S also had been very isolated in his teenage years, and, like me, was forced to drop out of school for mental health reasons. I always felt an incredible need to help S, to the point it would drain me, and I'd suffer as a consequence. At this point of my life, I was very sensitive to energies. I could feel how people were feeling, and pick up on odd things. Sometimes when I walked with my friend S, I would see a large dark human shaped shadow from the corner of my eye. It was always in the corner of my eye and in my peripheral vision. I never was able to see it directly. I tried to brush this shadow off as a trick of the eye as they say, but it persisted and I saw it on many occasions in the years I knew S.

In our second year of college, we got put into different classes. I saw less of S, which I admit was better for me, but he suffered as a consequence. He had relied a lot on my energy and support to help him through the day. Around this time the 'visitations' started. Every night, at exactly three a.m, I would be awoken suddenly with the intense feeling that someone was in my room, watching me, and their presence was one of utmost fear. The sort of fear that hits you in the bottom of your stomach, chokes you so you can't breath. At first I had no clue what was going on. All I know is that I had to get out of my room. On many occasions I recall running into my sisters room, pretty shook up, and embarrassed at myself--apparently an adult--getting terrified by things that go bump in the night.

After weeks of this happening, I decided to stay with it. I was pretty annoyed with this thing, whatever it was, waking me up. I didn't even know if perhaps it was all internal. I decided to stay with it, and it was around this time I realised that this presence, whatever it was, was associated with my friend S. I decided to do one of my light meditations. That seemed to help dissipate the feeling, but still, it would return the next night, or the next. One day I decided to hell with it, this needs to stop. I felt it around me one night, and I decided to have a 'conversation' with it, if you can call it that. I can't recall how this conversation happened exactly, perhaps I wrote it down in a notepad, or I meditated with the spirit/energy. As I got talking to this spirit, he gave me a picture in my head of how he looked when he had lived. I was pretty shook up to see him dressed in Nazi garb, the full uniform, the works. He gave me his full name, perhaps his rank (I can't recall) and we spoke for some time. He gave me the impression that he was my friend S in another life, and that he wanted to move on from this pain. It seemed to me that this energy was broken off from my friend S with all the trauma that had occurred during that life. I said to this man, please, stop visiting me, and visualised him with light, love and peace.

After that experience, I was shaken up and could barely believe any of it. I wrote the name that had come to me into Google search, and sure enough, there he was. For the record, I know absolutely nothing about Nazi Germans, or indeed very little about WWII at all. But still, even after this, I was in disbelief. To this day, I don't recall his name. Perhaps if I meditated it, it would come back -- but to be honest, I don't want to know. He's not my friend S anymore. To my immediate relief the next night I slept through with no fear, and the next, and the next and so on... thank goodness!

Four days after this event, my friend S and me were chatting after college via email. We were talking about how that year it was difficult for us both seen as we saw little of each other, and I missed seeing my friends (both of them were in different classes). I was getting snappy with him in the emails since once again, I was opening to him about how I felt, and he was as closed off as ever. He then said something very odd and out of place, like that he shared his thoughts with someone, but it was 'another story'. Again my reply was snappy, that he found it fine to share his thoughts with others, but not with me. Considering he was supposed to be my friend, I was pretty hurt.

Then, to my complete surprise, he did open up to me -- what he said to me shocked me, despite everything I'd experienced because I hadn't quite believed what I'd experienced until now. S said that what he was going to tell me was hard to explain because this 'other person' was actually himself. He said that when he was younger, he went to see a 'doctor' in Hong Kong who could see spirits, and this person had told him that he had an 'evil' self of himself (how he described it was 'an evil self of me'.)

(Will continue later -- I've run out of typing space)
 
Dear landsend, I read your post with great attention and I thank you a lot for taking the time to write such a detailed account of your experiences.

There are many points that sparked strong emotions, when I read them.

Especially the night visits. It always comes and goes, and since a while it has gone more quiet, but I suffered a lot from it. Especially around the age of 24 to 26, when I was going through the hardest time dealing with my daytime visions of the Eastern Front. I was suffering a lot because, during the day, I was having lots of flashes whose emotions were taking a big toll on my mental well-being. I would have short flashes but what i felt when experiencing the past would haunt me for hours, days.

At night, I would often being woken up abruptly, by the feeling of having someone in my room, staring. I was often terrified and did everything I could to isolate myself from these. I'd put on headphones and listen to mysic to try and escape. However it has happened many times that I would just... shoot up and be sitting upright in my bed, looking in the direction of the presence. It never occurred at first to me to try and guess who there were, and what they wanted. It was terrifying.

A couple of times, I saw a dark shape, or just a dark mass, and I'd just hide under my blanket and try to make it go away (I was 24 or older, mind you, haha). I actually once looked at the legs of what I saw, and saw what I think was the bottom half of a British uniform of the Great War.

I was aware that I had some "connection" or ability to feel things from spirits, but I wasn't paying attention to it, as I felt it as a burden. Every visit at night terrified me, and I wanted none of it. I wasn't thinking I was hallucinating, but rather knew I was being visited and, frankly, it wasn't fun. It was ruining my nights and (am i allowed to mention this here?) for a while I'd just smoke a huge joint before bedtime, as it was the only thing I knew would knock me out and allow me some kind of peace at night. Almost every sober night ended in either a visit or a nightmare.

But 2 nights after I found the name of the memory I was carrying, this identity - Eugen - came to me and it was the first time - and as of today the most intense experience I have ever had - I saw a spirit so clearly.
It is of interest for you because I was very surprised to read what your friend had experienced, to talk with his old self. For me it was so odd to have a face-to-face meet with an old self in my reality - I had exchanged with Eugen in meditations or regressions, but I was in his world, not the opposite.

Just two days prior we were together in mediation, but he came as I was having such a hard time getting over our first encounter. I had awful days after my 1st regression, and Eugen woke me up around 2am, and there I saw him. I clearly recognised him, he was wearing a grey uniform and looked at me, with his cap. I could "hear" what he said in my mind, but I was absolutely shocked of what was happening. I remember being very awake, immediately, and I was extremely confused at seeing him. Extremely confused is an understatement. But he told me quite a lot of things "You are not me, but of me" and "my life was dark, yours shall be colourful" is what i remember most today. It took me a while to gather enough courage to actually interact, but the first that came out from me was soo stupid. I told him "I have a problem with cigarettes, I can't stop, it's so hard. Please help me". I was very mad at myself for saying such a stupid thing when there was a million things I wanted to tell and ask him.

Yet, funny enough, the next day, I felt quite sick and nauseous throughout the day, and after twi days I realize that, everytime I smoked a cigarette, I'd just feel nauseous, and the feeling got stronger after every cigarette. It's the most effective way to stop smoking haha. Sadly i was stupid enough to resume smoking when I returned to China. Anyway.
 
Now, I've got used to my exchanges with spirits, I've learned a lot about it from them, àd the night visitations have almost stopped. When they occur, it fills me with an almost orgasm-like feeling of peace and I join my hands and thank whoever comes to pay a visit. Usually it's my grandfather who is just beaming with joy on the other side. I usually use these visits to say long prayers and thank Life for all the things I experience in my life, good and bad, and funny enough I barely have visual experiences anymore. They are mostly internal experiences, and I "see" what I need to see in my mind, and it's much more efficient this way.

I have also experienced seeing things, mostly dark shapes, in my peripheral vision. The ones I remember the most are recent, when I was still living in France and took daily walks in the nearby forests, alone with my dogs. It was always extra positive and I honestly feel very grateful to have someone to share the walk. I think it's their way to make their presence known and I'm always thanking them, thinking "welcome to share my path, friend". My heart is always filled with peace.

One last note regarding the shape I saw o e day by my bedside, whose I identified as a british uniform from WW1. At the time I had taken upon myself to research the history of my ancestors, and especially those who fought during the great war. A few days prior to this visit, I had unearthed the past of my great-grandfather, who serve in the british army and lost an arm at the battle of Loos in 1915. During the search, I was amazed to be so succesful at finding all the information I needed and more. All family members had somehow just found a piece of his life, wether it be pictures, or letters from the trenches, and I found his military records almost as if I searched for the adress of the nearby bakery. I like to think that this brave ancestor came to see the French man (read: me)who had taken upon himself to unearth his story and bring him to life for his decendance to learn about him !

Oh, one last thing, also, regarding my troubled nights. It happens that I am a very, very active sleeptalker. It was a lot more energetic when I was a kid (To the point where I sometimes ran away from my house, in underwear, being woken up by the house alarm ringing and the cold night air).

I sleeptalk a lot, still to this day, and my past girlfriends, including the current one, have given me countless testimonies of how often I would shoot straight up in bed and either give a monologue or have one end of a conversation (like, I talk, pause, then talk again). My speeches are either unintelligible, in a language my partner cannot understand (so i assume I spoke french), or make little sense.

I was suggested this and now use a special smartphone app (called SleepTalk) to record what I say when I sleep. I have recorded some crazy things, with the most crazy being a recording of 5 clear knocks on my door, then I answer "vous pouvez entrer" (you may come in), say something I can't understand, and finish my sentence with a "t'es content" (you're pleased with yourself). I was deeply puzzled because the recordings are very sensitive, they trigger at the slightest movement in my bed, and I was absolutely alone that night, no dogs or person inside. Yet the room is absolutely silent prior to the knocks on the door. So yeah. I am still puzzled by this recording.
 
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Benjamin,

It's great to read your experiences, and also to see that we've experienced very similar things. I'm especially touched by your account of having a conversation with your past self, because I'm pretty sure that's how my friend S experienced it, but unfortunately, it was a continuous daily battle for him (think of Jekyll and Hyde). My friend S really was one of the most gentle people I'd met, but very internally troubled. He would suffer intense migraines, and the slightest thing could cause him pain (even a small touch to his arm, for instance, would give him physical pain). Last I heard from him he was put on medication for psychosis... then we lost contact when we finished college and I moved to Spain.

I will continue on with my post, it'll take me a short while to type up as I am going by memory and checking my old email exchanges to make sure I haven't left things out. I'm usually very cautious about who I share these experiences with as most folks would probably write me off as a complete crackpot, and who can blame them! These things are difficult to understand unless experienced first hand.
 
Hi Benjamin and Landsend,

I am so happy to read your experiences because I’ve experienced something alike. I’ve met the former self of a friend and untill now I’d never heard before of this possibility. It was an astral presence, different from a spirit guide. From the first minute I knew, although a lot of doubt followed.

It’s a lot of words, but if any of you is interested: http://reincarnationforum.com/threads/bohemian-rhapsody.6578/#post-94668
 
(Continuing on from my previous post)

S told me that as well as having an ‘evil self of me’, this ‘evil self’ would talk to him about horrible stuff, and he still did at that time. He said it went on for many years, then he started communicating with ‘myself’ (that’s how he put it), and that he could control him and such. S said that even though he considered him evil, he helped him deal with his worries. His mother always advised him to tell the ‘spirit’ to go away, and he had unsuccessfully tried on a few occasions to no avail. S told me he needed him to get through things together. S said he had a strong enough mind to ‘control’ him and thus, he could get through his worries with the help of this other self. Then S finished saying it was hard for him to talk about, and that it was hard to believe, but it was the truth for him.

Wow. I was – taken aback to say the least. It all snapped into place, but even then it was disconcerting to hear all that I had seen and experienced confirmed by my friend. But it made sense. It was almost a relief to hear because I had thought myself crazy all those nights. Most of all, I was very concerned for my friend.

I replied him, being pretty frank. I said I’d seen that shadow around him, when we’ve been at college. I recall that once I’d even mentioned to him that when we were walking I could see a black figure walking with us. And I mentioned that I’d been discussing it with my mom just a few days before. Then I went on to describe how I’d be waken up at 3 a.m on the dot for days on end, terrified, followed by how I then thought it was connected to him but couldn’t work out why it made me feel so frightened. I did not mention the German Nazi connection to him – to be honest, the reincarnation penny hadn’t dropped with me and my conversation with the German had left me pretty shook up to the point I was dismissing it. So I thought it was a negative entity possibly attached to him in some way or form, maybe manifesting as this Nazi.

I told him straight up I didn’t believe that this spirit is him, at least not now. I told him I didn’t believe anyone is evil, even though people can do unspeakably evil things, but I believed then and still believe that there’s only fear, and fear is simply blocking the light. I said that this spirit might try to make him do bad things because he can’t move on himself from the bad things he may have done.

I did not like the method of condemning and using the word evil, as the so called ‘Doctor’ he had seen had done. To me, evil makes me feel like something is impossible to work through, it’s evil! It can’t be fixed! But I know that’s not the case.

My friend then went on to describe that this shadow sees what he sees, and distracted him in his daily life. For instance, when the teacher was talking, he would say negative things to him about harming or killing the teacher. Then S would completely miss out what the teacher had said.

S didn’t really want to believe I’d seen and discussed things with his ‘shadow’, but he did apologise if it was affecting me. But, nevertheless, I persisted and encouraged him to try releasing and understanding that part of himself. I gave him one of my ‘light’ clearing meditations I sometimes used, one that helps strengthen the feeling of peace and light. But even then, considering I knew how dark and fearful that energy was, it wouldn’t be easy.

He said that after he had told me about his shadow, he had noticed it was harder to get in communication with it. But he still felt he needed that part of him to deal with his life, no matter even if it was having a negative influence on his well being.

Alas, I wish my story with S had a good ending, but I can’t truly say that it does. As I mentioned in another post, S struggled with terrible migraines, and pain at the slightest of touch. He missed a few days of college toward the end as it seemed to get on top of him, and we grew apart – we were very busy in the last year of college and I also was making frequent trips to see my then boyfriend who lived abroad. After college, when I went to live in Spain with my boyfriend, I sent some emails trying to keep in touch, but his replies were infrequent. His last message to me was saying that he had been to the doctors and diagnosed with psychosis, to which they had put him on medication… of course reading that saddened me greatly, but if it helped him cope with his daily life, what can I say? I had no idea of the sort of pain and suffering he was going through all those years. I can’t judge.

Next I want to discuss my friend B and my experience with her which came many years later, in Dec 2016 to be precise, just at the moment I was opening to my enormous well of past life pain from my life as John. I’ll leave it for another post as my kids need to be fed!
 
(Continued on from last post)

I’ll endeavour to be brief with this post – I always end up yarning on far longer than intended. It is late, and I should be in bed and tomorrow I’ll regret it, but I feel a compulsion to finish writing this.

As I said before, I have known my friend B since around the age of fourteen – I’m twenty-eight now and we still occasionally keep in touch. In that time I’ve had three children, and she’s now the very proud mama of a little girl. Most of all, I’m proud of her, she struggled so much growing up, including many attempts to take her own life. Yet, she found a way through it and indeed carries a wisdom that I’ve seen in few people throughout my life. I’m sure the day I finally get to American soil we will meet up in person.

The end of December 2016 is a confusing time for me to look back on. I had been searching since October intensely, days on end, for my past selves identity. It was a gradual opening process. But, when I finally found him, and accepted him, it opened a portal between me and him, the present/past – effectively it shocked myself to the core. I had, really, a miniature breakdown. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat and felt like I needed to do neither, felt intense joy, intense love, intense pain, intense sorrow. This was intercepted with flashbacks to John’s life, ones which I verified later. It was, really, very much like what the Native Americans refer to a ‘spirit walk’, or perhaps the state that monks achieve by fasting/not sleeping. My brain effectively felt like it had been plunged into a river. It was a very sensitive state, and I was even able to recall some memories of other lives, including the short life before John’s of a young Jewish boy called Yosef who died at the outbreak of the Second World War.

During this time I kept thinking back on my friend S, and being reminded of him in subtle ways. I did not talk to him, but effectively felt his presence around me. I wondered how he was, but since he had not spoken to me since telling me about the psychosis, it felt wrong to contact him.

I decided to see if I could meet up online with my friend B, and we arranged a chat. I was still in this very heightened state of mind at the time. I can’t recall fully this conversation, as a transcript was never saved, and I was in this state of waking trance, but my husband recalls me telling him about it afterwards so I have him as proof that it really did happen. Of what I do recall – straight away in this chat, the tone between us was – odd. Usually my friend and I have very positive chats about everything under the sun, usually with a spiritual tone, but the tone of this from the offset was different.

My friend admitted to me that she herself was having a hard time that December, and it seemed to happen to her every December. I said to her that it pretty much happened the same to me, too. I believe this was because John’s birth date was early December, hence why it always seem to trigger something in me. I began to tell her the things I was seeing about my past life as John, and generally just opening to her about it.

Then she told me that she had started a relationship with another woman. She described this woman to me, and I did not get the best vibes, since the woman apparently was already married and in another relationship. Since my friend B identifies as poly amorous, I kept my opinions to myself, and listened to her as she described how her and this woman sometimes conversed. This is when it all starts to get very, very odd. I don’t know if my friend B was in a trance, but her personality, effectively completely and utterly changed. All I remember is that it was not my friend B any more.

As she described how her and this woman spoke together, I started to get intrusive thoughts, visions and feelings. I can’t really describe them fully here, but I will say that it seemed to pertain to horrific medical experimentations.

And then, just as it had with my friend S, I had this sudden feeling of a presence related to Nazism in Germany. A name came to me. I felt myself type the name, saying to her, ‘You were so-and-so.’ For the record, it was not a well known figure, so I had no clue, just as with my friend S, where this name had come from and I do not recall this name to this date. When I told her, she did not say anything. She did not deny. I opened a browser and typed the name in. The name came up with black and white photographs of him. In truth, I was absolutely shocked at what I saw. I recall a photograph of my friend looking down at the ground with a vacant stare – and in that photo was the exact the same expression. It looked so much like my friend, it was so bizarre, and frightening.

I came back to the chat, and had the same feeling, I mean the exact same feeling that I had felt at 3 a.m. back all those years ago with my friend S. Just utmost fear, to the point I started hyperventilating right there in front of my keyboard. I was in such a sensitive state as it was, I didn’t know what on Earth was going on. I felt I couldn’t breathe, and I even felt at that time that my friend B in this other personality was actually looking into my mind and could control it. I know that sounds mad, but at the time, I sure as hell believed it! I did not even say goodbye to my friend. I shut the laptop, ran upstairs, wrote a letter to my friend begging for her light and forgiveness, took this letter (the sun was setting) and burned it outside just as the light was fading away. I scattered the ashes of the letter at the back of my garden and said a prayer.

This all sounds so irrational to me now. I just desperately wanted my friend B not to go back into that darkness. I truly feared for her then. I hadn’t slept properly for days, and hadn’t eaten. I really felt I was losing grasp on everything that was real.

What can I say as a result of this? Several days later I apologised to B for leaving her like that, and for the whole conversation. Embarrassment was the forefront of my feelings, perhaps shame, too. I still don’t fully understand all of this. Why have I made such profound connections to people who have souls that appear to have been really in such dark places? Is it because of my connection to Yosef? Is it because I too had been in a very dark place as John?

Most likely it’s a combination of reasons. One thing that used to stand out to me about S was that I may have known him in my life during the Vietnam war. I wasn’t sure if that was because he is Chinese this time round and therefore I just made up that connection, or if there is something else to it. We had a mutual friend in college who also, like me and him, had failed to complete school due to mental health issues – we really were a little group of misfits. This other friend I had always felt had been around during the Vietnam war.

Years later, when opening to my memories of John, I witnessed and effectively relieved an event where many innocents were killed and she, our other friend, appeared to have been there with me during that event. Could it be that S had been in that village, or was somehow connected? I don’t fully know the answer, or even if any of this has any basis in reality.

So, there you have it. This odd story of mine of which I am reluctant to put out into the world. I’m not sure there’s any particular moral to the story. I just feel that my friends S and B are people who had to endure so much, who still carry that pain, and have carried it into this life, but who are also working hard on dissolving it through their more positive actions this time round. How can you condemn anyone for that? I certainly see my friends S and B as their present selves, and their past selves matter not an inch to me – hence the reason I’ve forgotten their old names. And I hope one day, too, their souls will forget the pain, but not the lesson.
 
Interesting to read about your experiences. I´ve had a few experiences like that too and I`m just glad I´m not the only one.

That presence in my bedroom - I´ve had that too when I was a kid/teenager/young adult. I was always hiding under the blanket - worried to even leave a toe on the outside. I don´t know what it was, I was simply afraid.

I was contacted twice by people who died, my father and my friend K.

My father visited me lots of times after he passed away and was always standing right in front of my bed having a sad expression, not saying a word. I talked to him in thought form to go ahead, towards the light. It took a long time. I felt uncomfortable because I was in bed with my boyfriend and didn´t want him to be there all night.

My friend K had cancer and after she died she returned once in a dream to show me her husband would ignore her. I should tell him she`s fine. He wouldn´t listen. Unfortunatly he´s not the one believing in any kind of existence after death and also not the one to listen to others. I told her I´m terribly sorry but just couldn´t do it. He would think I´m crazy. I don´t know if I should have tried at least. I never did. :(
 
Some people just don't want to hear about it, they're thought that spirits don't excist, period

And that's exactly why children stop being able to atleast see spirits, like I've said before, every child from the moment that they're born can atleast see spirits, adults are the onces telling them that they're not real and children stop believing in them the same way they stop believing in Santa.....psst St. Nicholas was real but the whole Santa thing took it out of context,

Anyway, back on topic..... that flash or 'thing' thing you see from the corner of your eye, that weird voice saying "hi" (or whatever) those are spirits, I'm surrounded by them on a daily basis

If someone says they can communicate with spirits, I'm not impressed, went to a show of Derek Ogilvie yesterday, yes the guy's the real deal but am not impressed, I got way more info when he was doing a reading than he did, he actually looked me square in the eye at some point and he fliched, he knew what my abilities are
 
Tanker,

Regarding the 'split' of consciousness between my friends past selves and their present. I have a few ideas regarding this. I think a large portion of it has to do with trauma. Shamanistic cultures believe that when the soul experiences significant pain and trauma, part of it breaks off and excludes itself from the whole. Effectively, this part of us might even feed on more pain to keep on living. It becomes parasitic. That's what a Shaman effectively does, they go into the spirit world retrieve answers, but also can heal others through helping to assist a person restore those broken off parts of their souls. It makes sense to me that essentially that those negative parts could be associated with our past lives, and hence a past life personality.

Secondly, the person I appear as a spirit is different to the person most people see here on Earth and what's more, the spirit or presence that is perceived by the living person could be different to what another person might see. An example, I'm pretty sure I visited my past self brother whilst I was living in this life and probably at that time sleeping -- he definitely saw me how I appeared known to him, as his brother (John). I'm also sure I've appeared as John to other family members, too, because of various dreams and memories that have come to me.

Another example of this is of memories both me and my husband have of each other from a previous mutual lifetime, of which we realised matched each others when we began talking. In that life we had been married, too. I had several dreams of him prior to meeting him, one where he appeared in his past form, and one in his present form. Why did that happen? I suppose it was how he chose to appear to me, too. When he appeared to me as his present self, it gave me a clue to how he would look in this life.

I also had a conversation with a past self of mine where he dropped in one day to tell me his name, and that he had fought in the American Civil War as a confederate soldier. I'm not quite sure how this works either, but it seems the personality and presence of the self remains intact and can be bought forth, including accent changes. Maybe it's a bit like an onion, if you slice a layer of onion, you get a flat 2d shape, but not the whole sphere that is the essence of the onion. Maybe our past selves are stored within us as slices of the whole, that can be dissected and bought forth when needed. Within the slice are the memories. My life as John appears somewhat different in that it is entwined in this life, but then, also, John's life was a sum of all the lives that came before him, too -- so perhaps it is like those mirror illusions where the same image is reflected infinitely within each other.

As for your experiences with the smoke, and the spirit -- have you tried opening up, and talking to the presence? That may sound bonkers, but it can't harm trying. Just sit and do it during a quiet time, you don't have to speak out loud, just ask in your mind. You might be surprised by the answers that come forward. Otherwise it could be someone letting you know that they are there for you, supporting you in this time of your life. That in itself is comforting and one day in hindsight you may know who it was.
 
landsend said:
Tanker,

Regarding the 'split' of consciousness between my friends past selves and their present. I have a few ideas regarding this. I think a large portion of it has to do with trauma. Shamanistic cultures believe that when the soul experiences significant pain and trauma, part of it breaks off and excludes itself from the whole. Effectively, this part of us might even feed on more pain to keep on living. It becomes parasitic. That's what a Shaman effectively does, they go into the spirit world retrieve answers, but also can heal others through helping to assist a person restore those broken off parts of their souls. It makes sense to me that essentially that those negative parts could be associated with our past lives, and hence a past life personality.

Secondly, the person I appear as a spirit is different to the person most people see here on Earth and what's more, the spirit or presence that is perceived by the living person could be different to what another person might see. An example, I'm pretty sure I visited my past self brother whilst I was living in this life and probably at that time sleeping -- he definitely saw me how I appeared known to him, as his brother (John). I'm also sure I've appeared as John to other family members, too, because of various dreams and memories that have come to me.

Another example of this is of memories both me and my husband have of each other from a previous mutual lifetime, of which we realised matched each others when we began talking. In that life we had been married, too. I had several dreams of him prior to meeting him, one where he appeared in his past form, and one in his present form. Why did that happen? I suppose it was how he chose to appear to me, too. When he appeared to me as his present self, it gave me a clue to how he would look in this life.

I also had a conversation with a past self of mine where he dropped in one day to tell me his name, and that he had fought in the American Civil War as a confederate soldier. I'm not quite sure how this works either, but it seems the personality and presence of the self remains intact and can be bought forth, including accent changes. Maybe it's a bit like an onion, if you slice a layer of onion, you get a flat 2d shape, but not the whole sphere that is the essence of the onion. Maybe our past selves are stored within us as slices of the whole, that can be dissected and bought forth when needed. Within the slice are the memories. My life as John appears somewhat different in that it is entwined in this life, but then, also, John's life was a sum of all the lives that came before him, too -- so perhaps it is like those mirror illusions where the same image is reflected infinitely within each other.

As for your experiences with the smoke, and the spirit -- have you tried opening up, and talking to the presence? That may sound bonkers, but it can't harm trying. Just sit and do it during a quiet time, you don't have to speak out loud, just ask in your mind. You might be surprised by the answers that come forward. Otherwise it could be someone letting you know that they are there for you, supporting you in this time of your life. That in itself is comforting and one day in hindsight you may know who it was.
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Hello Landsend,

I second what you said when you mention the chamanic point-of-view on how the identity can split when confronted with trauma. While my knowledge of the chamanic sciences is near to nothing, I happen to have formed the same opinion regarding how a violent end can cause one's soul to split. It's interesting because me and the therapist that helped me the most both have experienced this rupture during a traumatic death, both during the same time in history but from opposing points-of-view: he was a young Jewish boy in Auschwitz while, as you know, I died wearing a Waffen-SS uniform.

I think you made also a very interesting remark regarding how draining having this identities around is very draining. I know my life changed a lot when I bid Eugen farewell.

Thanks for sharing, Landsend!
 
Thanks Benjamin, these past few days have been incredibly intense and painful for me, I don’t quite know why. I want to bid my past self fully goodbye and move on with the present. I know it’s a journey to healing and there is no magic button but there comes a time where enough is enough, you know? I said before that a therapist may not be possible for me and lo and behold I found a man yesterday near me who is both a counsellor who specialises in PTSD and a past life therapist, and he has a name associated with people from my past life — coincidence? We shall see, I will contact him and see if he can assist me with the process.

Many thanks
Landsend
 
I don’t have high expectations and am very cautious about seeking help from anyone — but when it gets bad I can spend whole days in a vegetated state unable to physically move, uninterested in life and living, the pain keeps coming to me in such dense waves like that lately where I feel I can’t move in any direction. My life ending feels preferable to feeling that pain — and I don’t want to leave the people I love, it just is unbearable. I don’t have the answers for moving forward, and can’t afford to be this way when I have people who need me to function. I had a stern conversation with myself and my other half, he’s convinced me to at least try and reach out to someone, there’s no harm in trying.
 
Dear Landsend,

Yes indeed, it is a journey. Although, for you, I feel that you have already walked quite a few steps on it and I am sure that you are now going to experience some very meaningful and healing moments! I will pray for that to be granted to you.

It is interesting because I also think that there was a lot of coincidences that led me to find the right therapist.

I think I already described in a previous thread, a few weeks back, how my work with two therapists went, but I will describe it a bit more for you and anyone currently in this process :)

I basically contacted one therapist that was very kind, but not very experienced with "heavy cases". We talked a lot prior to my regression about how it would go, and she mentioned that I shouldn't be too surprised if it was incoherent and blurry at first (because I had never undertaken either hypnosis or guided meditation - I was very green).. I think she was trying to have me not get my hopes up too high about our first regression.

Well.. I only did one regression with her. It was, right from the start, a very acute and intense experience where I simply didn't feel I was in my body. In fact I don't think I would have said "my name is Benjamin" if she asked me. I was straight away back on the battlefields - the very first scene I saw was extremely distressing, on the morning of the last day, at sunrise, and I knew I was going to die. It was a huge shock. She didn't have to keep me on track because I saw scene after scene after scene as if I was there. A very physical experience where you feel the cold, the ground, you feel your clothes, down to the spring of the trigger as you press it. I know she only wished me good, but I don't think she did an extremely good job at keeping me safe from the horror. I now believe it was something I was to experience, to remind me of what this war was really like, and she played her part.

My second therapist is an amazing man. He helped me tremendously on the path to healing. He is both an experiencer -having gone through the same path from remembrance to forgiveness - and a trained therapist as he is a clinical psychologist. He also has trained in South America with Shipibo shamans and he is a library of knowledge and kindness. He helped me get to the point where I could say "goodbye" to Eugen's memory, and the words to do it came to me very naturally, surprisingly.

After this experience, what I remember the most is two things: for nearly a week, I felt tremendously cold. He told me after that this is a notable side effect to know if the therapy was successful or not, since when such a mass of energy leaves you, it takes some time for all levels of your body to adjust! It was in december so I just wrapped a blanket around my waist at all times, nearly :D

I also remember very much my first nightmare after that. I dreamed that, at my work, I lost something very important. And I was stunned when I woke up. I no longer have nightmares of the past. These are my dreams, of this life. I suddenly realized that for the past few days I had stoppes daydreaming about the war. No, now when I walked in the forest, I was exploring my own images. And it's been nearly a year now.

So far, I have had only one extremely meaningful dream where I was back at being Eugen. And yet I saw someone I knew: it was a friend I know and loved secretly in my current life (and we just clicked when we met. Ten minutes into our first meet and we were already sharing so much) and she was here, we were in love but nothing was possible back then. We wished each other goodbye as I told her that I wouldn't be seeing her again because I would die, and we said that we would see each other again, in another life. And we did:)

Anyway, Landsend, and anyone reading this and is struggling, I am glad I can share this. I don't think those memories are made to haunt us. They are here to teach us something and then place them where they belong: in the past :)
 
Dear Landsend,

I just read your last message, that wasn't posted when I typed mine (I was at the airport coming back from South Korea so I took my time to send it while waiting in line for customs :D)

I think it is time now, for you to seek help. There are lots of people out there, professionals, who will help you overcome the horror you feel inside. I know how you feel, I've been there (I think you understand what I mean when I say it's the abyss), but you need to cling as hard as you can on this pulse of Life you feel right now. Go and meet someone who will help you walk the steps to healing :) I think that the therapist you mention has crossed your path for a reason. Trust yourself to have the resources within you, already at your disposal, to face this and remove the dirt inside you and unearth your inner peace.

Somehow, I might be wrong, but I don't think that you are much older than me (I am 27) and you have tremendous energy waiting for you to use. I will pray for you to find it,and lots of things will change.

I used to be in the same mindset as you, not so much willing to die but unwilling to exist because my life and the emotions I faces everyday were .. I don't think words can really describe how dark it was. Yes, there was fun moments, but the underlying state was just awful. I was convinced I was too far down to ever live a good life.

And yet today I surprise myself by how powerful we are. We have the core elements, the peace and the energy, and I am sure that you will surprise yourself too at how much you have inside you already. It's just hard to see this light sometimes.

But trust yourself, engage in this process mindfully and whole-heartedly and I am looking forward to hear, in the future, how you will come on this forum and in your daily life to lift up ( I typed "life up" by accident, but it's a funny typo) those who suffer like you do now.

Peace to you, and I will keep you in my prayers
 
Thank you, Benjamin. I really appreciate your words, they are much needed and very soul felt.

I'd say it was reading how helpful you found the therapy that is inspiring me to take this step, Benjamin. I'm not sure the guy I've contacted will be able to help me the way your therapist did, but maybe it's just taking that first step. If he can't help me, he may be able to advise me further to help me find someone who can.

I've always felt I've had to carry this burden, and that one day I'd find a way past it -- one day -- one day when?

You are right, I'm twenty-eight so a year older than you. I'm married to the love of my soul and we have three wonderful little kiddies, and yet, this pain continues with me. It is terrible to feel you don't want to continue your life when you have people who love and need you, but sometimes I do get to that point, and I have to admit that to myself. It also there in my daily life making me feel that everything I do is hard work and an enormous effort, and yes, the joy is sapped out of everything. I recognise I was not ready to face the pain I have until now. I've only just turned twenty-eight which is the precise age John was shot down in Vietnam and taken prisoner. Since my birthday at the end of October, I've been finding it pretty hard. When I get into the depth of the depression, I actually feel I'm recalling how John felt in his worst moments, so effectively I'm relieving all the pain and things he left so unresolved. Despite that, I do feel I'm on the right path. Little coincidences keep happening, for instance the therapist I contacted has the same names as John's son. I also received in the post a week ago a rubbing of John's engraved name from the Vietnam War Washington DC memorial -- I must have requested it ages ago, probably back in September. Checking the letter, I can see that it was sent out in the post on October 29th, which happens to be my birth date. Also according to records, October 29th was the day that John completed OCS in Ft. Sill and became an artillery officer.

I do hope one day that I'll reach that point which you say. I feel the need to visit both America and Vietnam as part of my journey, currently it's not possible having a small family and no funds, but one day perhaps fate will lead me there. Also have a plan to get all this written down and published. Having those plans make me feel I'm moving forward, at least.

Best wishes and many thanks to you,
Landsend
 
Thanks Tanker, this forum is a great resource and it helps a lot to have yours and others support here, really restores my faith in humanity. Had a phone call with the therapist tonight and even though he’s now retired he’s interested in my case and we are going to meet in a weeks time to chat. He was discussing his own PTSD w/ me and he’s going to assess me to see if my symptoms are PTSD related to which I can also then give to my GP and get extra help... feels a bit overwhelming to finally be doing this, but also recognise I have to stop being so proud and admit I need help. The therapist also told me he was in RAF in Aden (this life) so he is ex-service. Briefly in our chat he mentioned he had a reoccurring nightmare from his childhood where he was burning & when in Aden he found the hill where he had crashed in his previous life as a pilot and said his past self was buried there on the hill.
 
It's good to have a former services guy that has awareness of his own Past Life, sounds promising
Fingers crossed for you
 
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