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My friend X

Thank you both. It means a lot to me. (really)


X came to my birthday party and spent many hours with me and all my (our) friends and (my) family talking a lot of nonsense and listening to music and a bit of singing (not too much) and having fun chatting and generally just.. a party. He seemed as right as rain. X was his usual silly charming self. Delightful (more than usual if anything).


But... something is not right with him (he doesn't fool me) and something is a bit 'off' with me too. I don't know what exactly, but it's 'something'. He's not 'ok' and neither am I... hard to describe. Some kind of disturbance in 'the force' or something I suppose...


When he dies, I'll be right behind him and (I suspect) vice versa... morbid thoughts.... what can I say...?


However, apart from all that.. I had the most amazing day today on the whole. My life is extraordinary and X is alive and breathes and wears silly sunglasses and is very amusing and talks out the side of his mouth to me like a humming bird just like always and is as charming and elusive and adorable as ever. And I am beside myself with joy.


I wouldn't want it any other way.
 
Has he seen a doctor lately? Maybe you are being intuitive. Maybe you could suggest he go in for a check up. If he asks why you can just say you have a "feeling". Do you ever have precognitive or premonition dreams?
 
It's not unusual for soul mates to follow each other to the afterlife quickly, although usually it seems to happen to the elderly. It's happened in my own family, and in those of friends. You and X definitely don't qualify from the age perspective, Tanguerra, but your soul mate connection is exceptionally strong. If gratitude, and joy in living, prolongs life, you will both be eternal!
 
Thanks guys. I'm probably just being silly. His health is always a bit precarious but not more than usual as far as I know. Sometimes I just worry about him and project my fears of loss onto him I suppose. A bad habit.
 
tanguerra said:
I watched a DVD movie last night and before the film began there were some trailers. I've been feeling a bit topsy turvy emotionally the past couple of weeks about Poland and X and pondering on our recent 'tiff' and reconciliation and whether I'm really ready to forgive him yet, especially since he hasn't actually said 'sorry' yet and if that matters, because I know what he's like ... and how do I feel about all that. [angry]
This trailer made me suddenly burst into tears. It shows in a quick three minutes what it feels like to have this kind of bizarro space-time continuum thingy whatever-it-is going on with X.

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This movie is on TV again tonight. I feel so many uncommunicatable things...


Love. It just looks easy.
 
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Love can be that easy, but something tells me that we have to "chart" it that way. I have been married longer to my current partner, than I was to my "X", and I have learned things about the evolution of love that I didn't know before. There are many stages to committed love, and we are entering a new one. It is difficult to describe, but I can "see" love and devotion shine out of him - like an aura? Does that make sense? :confused: Love like yours charts a different course, and I'm sure it has it's own stages. The ups, downs, and nuances must be different. Are you ready to "chart" a different path next time? This may be the first life where my partner and I have had a happy outcome, and I sometimes wonder if it's the culmination of our love story, and we might both choose other partners in the next life. Is a "happy ending" exactly that? You and "X" may follow a more complex pattern, because neither wants it to end. Just thoughts! Mental meandering?:rolleyes:
 
Thanks BriarRose.


My emotions get a bit topsy turvy sometimes. It's a bit irrational! It's funny but I 'mourn' for the times when he died, and I miss 'him' (or remember missing him anyway) even though he's alive and well and I see him pretty frequently and he's perfectly fine and dandy.


It's a funny feeling.
 
Topsy turvy feelings are just part of the human experience, Tanguerra. Being sensitive and being in a woman's body just make it all a little more confusing! I meant to ask about his health, as I remember you were concerned. Everything is fine, I hope.
 
He's not too bad at the moment. He was in fine form when I saw him just recently. Sometimes seeing him and having a wonderful time at a party or something makes me feel more nostalgic if that makes sense. It's lovely, but sometimes makes me feel a little sad too.
 
I think I understand about the nostalgia. I want the one I love to be "mine", but of course, he is not, and never can be. It's just an illusion we agreed to adopt with each other. I take exception to parents who refer to a child as "mine". A child doesn't "belong" to us, except in a limited genetic sense, and in terms of responsibility. That knowledge doesn't prevent us from being nostalgic, and remembering how soft his baby curls were, or the smell of baby powder. :)I'm glad X is well, and he is in your life.
 
I've been thinking about this a lot today and wondering how to respond and if I can explain what this is all about.


Briar, your example of the baby is a good one. But it's more than that. There have been stories of people whose babies died from accident or illness, and several years later another baby seemed to be the reincarnation of the other. It's a tangle of emotions. Joy, of course at seeing the beloved again. Also tinged with the constant reminder of 'before'. It's like that.


I've lived with my 'condition' since I was a little child. I see things in 'technicolour' sometimes or a 'broader spectrum' is maybe a better analogy. I have learned to hide it and not talk about it in public. I have learned to use it to my advantage in some situations. I have learned to manage the emotional ups and downs that sometimes come with it and cause 'turbulence'. Most of the time I really don't think about it, but in moments of quiet and introspection, when all the daily hurly burly is done, it 'comes upon me'.


I had my horoscope done a while back and the guy had some insights about me. He said my 'public face' is all extroversion and diversion and colour and movement, and curly blonde hair. But my 'inner self' is much deeper, quieter and more mysterious. He was right about that, but I didn't enlighten him as to why.


I guess I just like having people to talk to about it who have some idea of what it feels like.


Thanks for being there gang. ;)
 
That's why we're all here, Tanguerra. Your experience is your own, and no other will be quite like it. But, we are glad to listen. hug3.gif
 
I obsess a lot less about X these days (obviously) but the other day we had an event with all our friends to commemorate the death of our dear friend D who recently passed away and everyone is feeling very sad and soulful about it.

D='Douglas' my best and oldest friend now and brother in Scotland: //www.reincarnationforum.com/threads/scotland.2360/

X has amazing and rather unusually bright blue/green eyes which he doesn't *flash* my way too often, but he did the other day. As luck and fate or feeling or something would have it, we were talking about D and how much he meant to all of us and X flashed one of his *looks* my way.


At the venue where we had the party there was random music playing.... As always when this happens, it was one of those 'moments' and when it happened, this song was playing. Hard to describe how I felt at that moment. But it struck me.


Time is on my side... (yes, it is)


Hard to explain how I felt about it. I have a very nice boyfriend these days (NB) so it's nothing to do with that. But it was one of those timeless moments that I don't know... just happens sometimes with me and X. I knew everything would be OK. I had a flash of us running towards each other (in the next world) into some kind of eternal embrace, once we're done with this world now, however long that might take doesn't matter. Strangely comforting synchronicities sometimes occur.


It was just a moment, and I doubt he noticed it, but I certainly did.
 
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The Stones covered a lot of soul and blues songs. Walking the Dog and many others were by African American musicians like Howling Wolf, Chuck Berry, Bo Didley and others. Many of them hadn't been heard by European audiences before, so a lot of people think the Stones wrote all these songs, but they didn't.


https://songbook1.wordpress.com/fx/1932-standards/willow-weep-for-me-ann-ronell-bio/

"Time Is on My Side" is a song written by Jerry Ragovoy (under the pseudonym of Norman Meade). First recorded by jazz trombonist Kai Winding and his Orchestra in 1963, it was covered (with additional lyrics by Jimmy Norman) by both soul singer Irma Thomas and The Rolling Stones in 1964.
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By the way, the other day when this happened, X told me he'd seen a new TV show that he thought would be right up my alley. 'Outlanders' - the story of a woman who gets caught in some kind of time travelling vortex between WWII and ye olde Scotland, and gets involved with the same man twice (if you know what I mean). It could have been written by someone who's been reading my posts!


I can't wait to get hold of a copy and watch it. It does look like something I would enjoy.


See the trailer here:

 
Outlander is the first book in a series by Diana Gabaldon. Fair warning, though. It will suck you in and you won't emerge for months.
 
Ha ha! I just had a look on the author's website and she describes it thusly...


http://www.dianagabaldon.com/books/outlander-series/outlander/

...What I used to say to people who saw me sitting outside a store with a pile of books and asked (reasonably enough), “What sort of book is this?”, was, “I tell you what. Pick it up, open it anywhere, and read three pages. If you can put it down again, I’ll pay you a dollar.”
I’ve never lost any money on that bet.
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I have been watching the series here and I can't get enough of it! I have already decided I will read the books too.


T
 
For completeness I'm just going to copy this here. I was responding to a question from TheGlow as to whether 'the longing' ever goes away...

...'The longing' doesn't go away. I see X a bit less often these days. He's moved a little further away, not on my tram route any more and he doesn't seem to cycle much these days. His health has been getting a bit worse. With D gone, who was the social 'glue' in a lot of ways, we seem to catch up less often at events and parties and things. I'm also in a relationship these days and have less time to just hang out with the 'boys' in the 'hood than I used to.
But, I still make sure I catch up with him at least every couple of weeks because I love to hear what kooky ideas he's come up with lately and, yes, I just like see him because it makes me feel good to be near him. We exchange a lot of emails in the meantime. He'll send me something he thinks is funny or interesting, and I'll do the same.


Here is a recent example of what amuses X:


https://www.youtube.com/embed/e5Hdq2QOugk


So, in short, 'the longing' doesn't go away, but is way less intense these days than it used to be, which is a great thing. I'm sure that all the work I did uncovering what the connections were has helped a lot. It's also very comforting to know that we will never, ever, be truly separated from one another, unless we choose to and I don't see that happening any time soon.
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X came over for a visit the other night. He had a movie he wanted to watch. So I said 'sure, come over!' He was wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with a huge X across the front. He seems to have a collection of these. He has a black one with white writing, white with black writing, some red and white t-shirts too. Some have his actual initial on the front. Some have an 'X'. He has no idea I call him 'X' on this forum or anything though. Just one of those funny coincidences.


Anyway, the movie he brought was about two 'immortals' and their long love affair throughout the ages. He had just heard that it was 'cool' and wanted to share. He never ceases to amaze me. Then he persisted in talking over the top of the movie and I had to keep stopping and rewinding it, but I didn't mind. :)


www.youtube.com/ycOKvWrwYFo
 
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X came over for a visit this evening. His health is not great. Even he was sounding a bit down beat about it, but he has embarked on a health kick (not before time), so that's a good thing.


Just for fun, another example of something amusing X at the moment. The weird and wonderful robotic world of Festo.

 
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tanguerra said:
X came over for a visit the other night. He had a movie he wanted to watch. So I said 'sure, come over!' He was wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with a huge X across the front. He seems to have a collection of these. He has a black one with white writing, white with black writing, some red and white t-shirts too. Some have his actual initial on the front. Some have an 'X'. He has no idea I call him 'X' on this forum or anything though. Just one of those funny coincidences.
Anyway, the movie he brought was about two 'immortals' and their long love affair throughout the ages. He had just heard that it was 'cool' and wanted to share. He never ceases to amaze me. Then he persisted in talking over the top of the movie and I had to keep stopping and rewinding it, but I didn't mind. :)
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Sounds like a lovely way to spend an evening. I'm going to have to check the movie out.
 
Sometimes only opera can say what we feel. Sometimes even I run out of words.... Love is all there is....

French Text
La fleur que tu m'avais jetée,
Dans ma prison m'était restée.
Flétrie et séche, cette fleur
Gardait toujours sa douce odeur;
Et pendant des heures entiéres,
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English Translation
The flower that you had thrown me,
I kept with me in prison.
Withered and dry, the flower
Still kept its sweet smell;
And for hours,On my eyes, my eyelids closed,

I became intoxicated by its fragrance
And in the night I saw you!
I began to curse you,
and hating you, I began to tell myself:
Why should fate put you on my path?..

With only one glance you took possession of my soul..
And I was yours, oh, my Carmen!
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This song [the 'Flower Song'] from Carmen has been haunting me all week. I heard it the other night and something went 'ping' which is why I wrote about it. It happens.


I was trying to get to the bottom of it last night and put it on my iPod softly on repeat as I was going to sleep, hoping it would prompt something... trying to cast my mind back.

I got an image of X ('Freddie' back then) taking me to see the opera in the Blitz life. There were a lot of mixed emotions. I felt like a 'proper lady' and was very 'chuffed' but also astonished and overwhelmed by it, as I'd never seen anything like this before as you can imagine. The war was raging, but the 'show' was always obviously still going on somewhere in London back in the day. Carmen has been a very popular opera for more than 100 years. You don't really have to understand the words to 'get it', which is one of the great things about opera, after all.

[However, (ahem) one had spent several years in gay Paris and had a reasonable handle on the old Parlez Vous back then. Just like a 'proper lady', I could speak French well enough, but for entirely different reasons, and no doubt with a more colourful vocabulary. This was another thing that Freddie thought was 'charming' at the time. Silly boy. :) ]

This is a marvelously romantic and evocative song of course. I remembered the first time I saw/heard it, this life, was also at the opera on a date and I was very affected by it. It may or may not have anything to do with the past life associations. But... I get the feeling there is something coming up. Not sure what yet exactly.

Obviously, it's all about yearning and a tragic love affair, obsession, and all that. But it's also about affirming, 'yes, this is the real thing, this is love, no matter what'. I think that's why I like it so much.

The Blitz: www.reincarnationforum.com/threads/the-blitz.1241
 
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X is dead.

He died fairly suddenly, at home, of natural causes about a week or so ago. I wasn't there to hold his hand as I always hoped I would be. He was alone. But, at least I have been able to make myself useful helping everyone do what needs to be done when something like this happens.

We have all been very sad and friends and family are now making arrangements for his memorial service to be arranged as per instructions he left.

It won't be the same any more, and I will be very lonely without him. But I know I will see him again before too long, so that is a very comforting thought.
 
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Oh, that's hard. I know you will miss his tangible presence, Tanguerra. I'm glad you're aware that the connection remains and will be renewed once more, but that doesn't mean it isn't painful. May the comfort you need embrace you.
 
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