• Thank you to Carol and Steve Bowman, the forum owners, for our new upgrade!

My friend X

Have you heard about the "Life After Death Project" documentary? Technology has finally reached the point where the deceased are able to manipulate it.

 
On behalf of the entire forum I offer you our sympathy for your loss. Sweet blessings to you, your friends, and him. He will continue to touch you in ever greater ways.


~T
 
So very sorry for your loss Tanguerra, my deepest condolences for yourself, his family and all who knew and will miss X
 
Blueheart said:
What! What?! No no no no no. I was hoping for some futuristic gadget or something. I have no words . . .
Click to expand...
X's cousin is staying at my place, in my spare room, for a few days while we sort things out. His cousin is a lot like him. Spookily in some ways. My kids came to visit a couple of nights ago and I had to warn them not to get a start when they saw the cousin sitting in X's accustomed chair. He's not X, but it's rather comforting to have him around to talk to in the evenings.


We were laughing our heads off last night looking at different burial methods and thinking which one X would have liked. There is one where you get frozen, then shattered into powder by being blasted with sound waves. He would have loved that, but sadly, it's not commercially available at this time in Australia. :)
 
I was at X's flat the other day with X's brother and a friend, doing the dishes and tidying up. I noted he had taped silver cellophane wrapping paper over the windows, in [very neat] rectangles, with silver duct tape. His eyes used to bother him a lot due to his illness and he didn't like too much light coming in the windows, so this was his way of keeping out the glare.


In the Poland thread, there is a bit where I talk about walking into a room with the large windows draped in curtains, signifying mourning...


Poland: http://www.reincarnationforum.com/threads/poland.1284/

I noticed more details - the hangings on the windows of some 'gauzy' fabric may have been crepe de chine, which darkened the room without blacking it out. I noticed these curtains had folds in them, as though they'd been stored in a box and recently pulled out and hung up ... I had the impression that all this mourning stuff had only recently been hastily unpacked and put up perhaps just that morning (hence the creases in the curtains).
Click to expand...
The synchronicity struck me later when I got home. The same room where we'd had so much fun before, with the windows covered, as though in mourning, with fine translucent material, the rectangular pattern. Strange the coincidences that occur.
 
Last edited:
Sitting quietly at home for the first night in a while thinking of things.

I have been bustling about, doing things, contacting people, organising things ... X's affairs, are characteristically, a little chaotic, but with their own logic...All that is in hand.

.... But meanwhile, back in Poland, after the 'alleged incident', I just left. I went away to the 'front', with all my high fallutin' talk of honour, off I went. Leaving her alone. I'm sure that's how she would have seen it, and rightly so. She would have been left to clean up. To arrange the funeral. To make decisions beyond her years and experience. To sorrow. To regret. Alone. Both her men gone. A bit like me without X or D. Bereft.

The least I can do is to help with all that kind of thing this time around. Be the one to pick up the pieces... X doesn't have to worry about any of that. It's covered. Least I can do. Goes around. Comes around. And it is my pleasure (and good distraction) to do it, and do it well.

A passing thought. One of many similar ones. After all, one swore an oath to love him/her always, no matter what.

I am sure one day we will indeed 'walk in fields of gold'. One day.



Poland: http://www.reincarnationforum.com/threads/poland.1284/
 
Last edited:
When you have run out of things to do and his family members have all gone home, we will still be here.


For now, take care of yourself. Stop with the "before too long" talk that scares the crap out of me. That was then. (Of course, have any warning signs checked out, no matter how trivial. ) But, he left you to go to the 'front' in WWII. The way I see it, you guys have been even for a long time.
 
Blueheart said:
When you have run out of things to do and his family members have all gone home, we will still be here...
Click to expand...
We made a wonderful job of X's send off. The local crew, all X's and my friends, rallied round and helped. Even the mysterious Y turned up. Together with X's cousin we put it all together with joy and laughter, sorrow and soul. There was poetry, there were stories, there were memories and tears. Lots of people came.


So, the family has all gone home... the ashes are scattered...things are packed away and sorted out (mostly anyway)... I know there is a deep well of sadness down there. However, this is not 'my first rodeo' (even just counting this life) so I am careful to make sure I have a little cry now and then to let the pressure off gently. I've found it's the best way. :(


Last night I had my first night alone in an empty house for a few weeks. I had a bit of a cry (naturally). I listened to some soppy music for a while and had another little cry. Then I got tired of that and pottered around to tidy up, as you do.


There are still some of X's things in the spare room that we're all not sure what to do with. There's a brown, faux fur, blanket that he bought when he was staying with me years ago, against the winter chills. (X always hated the cold with a passion.) Even though it's very warm here right now, I thought to myself, I might borrow that tonight. Well, why on Earth not?


Wrapped up in the blanket (after I'd had another little cry) a thought came to me about being wrapped in a relatively thin blanket, freezing cold in Siberia, after the Polish escapade. The thought was 'well, at least she's safe'.


The rest of the thought involved me shielding her from getting into trouble about her 'revolutionary tendencies'. It was very quick, but somehow I had been able to protect her from the Russians... I might write more about those kind of details in the Poland thread. But I felt good. It was a kind of relief that my oath was still strong... something like that. Even though I was in Siberia freezing, she was OK. She was safe and warm.


I keep getting little flashes like this of the present life as well as a few past ones. It's my mind assimilating things I guess. I'm good with that. There's a lot to assimilate (not just this life).
 
argonne1918 said:
Have you heard about the "Life After Death Project" documentary? Technology has finally reached the point where the deceased are able to manipulate it.
Click to expand...
Ha ha! argonne.


I just got time to watch this. X would have thought it was very funny. I'm sure if he would he could. Maybe he might yet. :)


X and I, certainly at this point, still have a fairly firm connection. I have heard him several times nagging at me not to forget things (like make sure Y is invited, which of course I did as he 'asked').


We don't need any machines to go beep or poltergeist activity to communicate. Not yet anyway.
 
tanguerra said:
My view (always the romantic) was that unrequited/unreturned love is the most painful experience, but I was wrong. I think the worst is when someone just disappears and you never know what happened to them.
So, if I am feeling a bit hard done by, I comfort myself with the knowledge that things could be a lot worse and get on with my 'lesson' so I don't have to go through all this again. I am teaching him about love, trust and constancy by example. I am learning love without desire in exchange. It's a fair cop.
Click to expand...
I am often right (even when I'm wrong). :)
 
My thoughts and prayers have been with you this past week. I admire your open heart, your willingness to share with others and your love for another soul.hug2.gif.
 
Thanks Deborah.


I am so sad, but at the same time I know how lucky I am. It's a funny feeling. Love. It is what it is.

 
Hi Tang,


Deepest condolences. I know you will miss your friend, but I also know that you can even now be anticipating the time when you will look across a room and suddenly recognize X, smiling back at you. It is a happy thought to keep in mind until you see each other again.


Blessings Always,


Sea and Sky
 
SeaAndSky said:
... the time when you will look across a room and suddenly recognize X, smiling back at you....
Click to expand...
Thanks S&S. I know, although it's scant comfort right now. :(

I've been trying to 'remember' our meeting next life. I get the feeling it will be at university. No doubt it will be at some kind of a party (as usual). Our eyes will meet across a crowded room and there will be a feeling of instant recognition or rapport or something...

I have been having present life flashbacks a lot the past few weeks, as you can imagine and as is normal while I store away the important memories. Our first 'date' this life was to go and see the film "City of Angels". I listened to the soundtrack again this week, which I have on CD, but hadn't listened to in ages. It made me cry floods of tears as you can imagine. We were so madly in love for a brief time there. Oh boy! :(

The movie centres around an angel coming to Earth, and becoming mortal, for the love of a woman. It's a US remake of Wim Wenders' 'Wings of Desire' for the movie buffs. X chose it. He thought it would be cool, so off we went, just like that.


I wrote a poem not long after this which I never showed him. I don't normally write poetry, before or since, but it seemed important and I copied it into a special book. I didn't even know what was going on with him back then, but I knew it was 'something important' and should be transcribed. To this day I have a very powerful image of X in his 'firey form' just as I tried to describe it.

Angel

Sometimes I see you in your fiery form
Gas blue flames curling
Great white wings arching
Bright eyes, fierce breath
Arm upraised to show the way
Announcer, herald, avatar

Divine benign immortal
Of the Earth but not upon it
Among us, but also not.
Inhabiting a dimension all your own
Soft as water, hard like ice
Elemental, ephemeral,
Indestructible as air
 
Last edited:
Hi Tang,


I love your poem. I don't claim any great expertise, but it does not have that "amateur" feel I generally associate with such things at all: rough edges, inapt imagery, clumsy metaphors, and all the rest. It is very evocative with striking imagery and contrasts. If you don't write poetry on a regular basis you should probably do so.


I also liked the movie trailer and the idea of the movie. It is an old tale of sacrificing for love, and is based on an old tale of the angels who gave up heaven for mortal women, but it resonates with me somehow. Perhaps not so much in the way the movie makers intended, but in the knowledge that we are all fallen angels in some sense--coming and living here. If we weren't imperfect already, we became imperfect in coming here. Here we suffer and die--but we feel the wind on our faces and experience and learn things in a way we cannot receive any other way. In one way or another, I think we all made Seth's choice or we wouldn't be here. From one standpoint it is a fall, but from another . . . .


On X, grief must have its place. To shortchange it is to shortchange not only the ones we love, but ourselves and life. Some things and some partings are truly significant, and should not be treated as anything other than significant. Grief is not only justified in such cases but demanded. So, even where there is a settled hope of a reunion, the present loss cannot be treated as other than it is: a grievous loss. For when someone this close to you passes, there is a hole left in the world. It will not be filled again until X returns.


Blessings Always,


Sea and Sky
 
Thanks S&S.


It means a lot that people understand.


I'll be OK. After all, I have my own personal angel out there 'somewhere'. Lucky me. :(

 
Last edited by a moderator:
"..Some bright morning, when this life is over, I'll fly away"...

Tomorrow, when I wake up, he will be gone. Just like that. X is leaving. I can feel it. It's what he does.

Until then, mon amour....I will fight on (of course) ... until we meet again. I'm sad, but I'm Ok.

'Halleluja, bye and bye..."

 
Last edited:
I feel him leaving. It's all Saints Day. Probably appropriate. Though it hurts.


"... and there will be no comfort for you..."


Farewell X. I will miss you. For now.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I feel the sharpest joy and the sharpest sorrow when I think of him, as I do often, of course. But I am trying not to over indulge in it, although it's difficult. It's a funny feeling. Like surviving a fatal illness and losing your best friend all at the same time.


Star crossed lovers... It just looks easy.

 
Thanks BH.
The shape of my heart - even if there is an 'X' shaped hole... it'll be Ok after a while.
I'm processing along.... in another week or so it will be 6 months. It's early days


He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top