Uncomfortable in Your New Skin

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

Maybe this has been talked about before, maybe it hasn't. It's kind of an uncomfortable question to ask, and I'm afraid it'll come off stupid or egocentric in some way but I want to ask. I want to know if I'm alone in this.

When I was a little kid, the first time I saw an Eastern Asian person I found them to be so beautiful. I wished I looked like them, I touched my eyes and was happy my eye shape is similar to theirs. I'm part Native American, so my eyes are a bit different but I still hated how I looked. The older I got, the more I wished I looked different. I wished my features were different. I hate that my eyes are grey, I wanted brown. I thought my Mom was so lucky to have brown eyes. I wished I had a monolid eye, I hated how mine looked. I'd never considered surgery because that felt wrong to me, and I felt like an idiot for wishing I was another race than what I am. Recently I've wondered if I just perhaps yearn to be who I used to be rather than who I am now. It's maybe a weird thing to say, and I worry some could be offended by me. I suppose I'm just curious if anyone feels like I do?

 

[cloud potato]

Hello again friend. So nice to read more of your post and have room for conversation.

I don't think you should feel worried for writing these things out, it's therapeutic. I have read accounts from others here who wished they looked different, not just their race but their gender.

It is fair to speculate whether or not these are past life impressions- and there is nothing wrong with addressing our desires, acknowledging and making peace with our reality. How can we do that if we ignore the thoughts we find ourselves attached to?

Even in this life, ideas of who I yearn to be are sometimes in contrast to who I am now. But we do have this opportunity to shape the way we feel about things, recognizing there are things we can control and things we can not.

If it wasn't clear- it's not weird, there are others who feel similar to you, and i think this is(generally speaking) a longing for a sense of identity in todays society. Sometimes society feels very unnatural, and I find myself asking how do I fit in the picture? Who am I? How do I want to be?

While your case may be more about physical appearances, often times I find there is something underlying needing addressed that goes deeper than what I originally thought.

Kind regards from Texas ~
CP

 

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

Hello again friend. So nice to read more of your post and have room for conversation.

I don't think you should feel worried for writing these things out, it's therapeutic. I have read accounts from others here who wished they looked different, not just their race but their gender.

It is fair to speculate whether or not these are past life impressions- and there is nothing wrong with addressing our desires, acknowledging and making peace with our reality. How can we do that if we ignore the thoughts we find ourselves attached to?

Even in this life, ideas of who I yearn to be are sometimes in contrast to who I am now. But we do have this opportunity to shape the way we feel about things, recognizing there are things we can control and things we can not.

If it wasn't clear- it's not weird, there are others who feel similar to you, and i think this is(generally speaking) a longing for a sense of identity in todays society. Sometimes society feels very unnatural, and I find myself asking how do I fit in the picture? Who am I? How do I want to be?

While your case may be more about physical appearances, often times I find there is something underlying needing addressed that goes deeper than what I originally thought.

Kind regards from Texas ~
CP

Thanks for this, I took it in. I think it's beyond the skin where I'm uncomfortable. I don't feel like I belong anywhere to be honest. I feel out of place. I want to feel like I belong somewhere for one in my life. Nothing about me seems to belong anywhere. And then I also just don't feel right somehow, like maybe if I had have been different somehow I'd be better. I wish I'd been born elsewhere, been different, looked different, but something you said is something I've always had as a mantra to myself "recognizing there are things we can control and things we can not" It's true, and there's a great peace in that acceptance. I suppose sometimes though, it still feels so strange being in this skin. I wonder if I'll ever feel at home in jt? I know I can try and change geographical location, that'll help some things but not everything.

 

[cloud potato]

Presently, I find there are days I am so comforted and confident in my own skin- and then there are times where I am tormented and at war with myself- I am easily enraged, depressed or lonely and unsatisfied with my behavior or appearance. What helps me feel more confident is working on the things I can change. In my case, I have come to realize I've struggled with addictive personality disorder. I didn't even know all of the things depressing me, or the serious stagnation gnawing away at my being until the APD recently revealed itself in a relationship dynamic that meant losing a friend and love interest.

Learning about myself, becoming aware of these things- this is the most crucial component for liberation. Now I strive to face the thoughts, emotions and chemical forces churning away within. I ask why do I feel this way? I ask if I want to continue behaving in the regrettable manner that sometimes happens for one struggling with addiction.

Even if I don't have answers, I can acknowledge what does and does not make me happy. What brings me peace. And, by choosing to work for that peace I begin to feel comfortable in my skin. It doesn't matter who I'm talking to, what I look like or what they look like- where I am in the world... If I can be honest and compassionate with my self, I can grow and I can feel a sense of belonging. Moreso, I may even feel a type of joy when interacting with others.

You can feel at home, even in a new body, when you make the effort to know your self- realizing you are more than just appearances and behavior.

 

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

A lot of good points. I suppose I feel aimless at times, not knowing what to do half the time and what I want to do with my time here. I'm already 35, and still lost. You've given me a lot of food for thought.

 

[Cryscat]

When I was a young child, I asked my Mom if my face was ok. I don't know what I was supposed to be seeing in the mirror, but a little girl's face was not what I was expecting. I think it took some more time for me to settle in this body.

 

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

When I was a young child, I asked my Mom if my face was ok. I don't know what I was supposed to be seeing in the mirror, but a little girl's face was not what I was expecting. I think it took some more time for me to settle in this body.

I did something similar actually, I told my Mom I didn't look right. I don't know what I was expecting or what would've been truly okay by me.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Sakamoto Ryoma,

A resemblance between successive incarnations seems to be more common than not. Consequently, I don't believe it has to be as radical a difference as you have found it to be. Nonetheless, I think a lot of us feel like the face in the mirror doesn't look quite right--not quite the way we "should" look, though we know it is our own. The last point doesn't necessarily have to do with attractiveness, etc.--it seems to go deeper. I think it is especially true when there is a strong genetic difference (i.e., whether ethnic or sexual) making true resemblance between incarnations more difficult.

Why would this be true? My theory is that we have a "true" appearance, and that we carry that with us (perhaps in the form of the type of "morphic field" that Sheldrake describes), which seeks--within the limits of genetics--to mold each successive body to fit. Perhaps this appearance may evolve somewhat over time, but it seems to be relatively and stubbornly resilient--reaching for a specific form to the extent the genetics of the physical body and external circumstance allow.

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

Hi Sakamoto Ryoma,

A resemblance between successive incarnations seems to be more common than not. Consequently, I don't believe it has to be as radical a difference as you have found it to be. Nonetheless, I think a lot of us feel like the face in the mirror doesn't look quite right--not quite the way we "should" look, though we know it is our own. The last point doesn't necessarily have to do with attractiveness, etc.--it seems to go deeper. I think it is especially true when there is a strong genetic difference (i.e., whether ethnic or sexual) making true resemblance between incarnations more difficult.

Why would this be true? My theory is that we have a "true" appearance, and that we carry that with us (perhaps in the form of the type of "morphic field" that Sheldrake describes), which seeks--within the limits of genetics--to mold each successive body to fit. Perhaps this appearance may evolve somewhat over time, but it seems to be relatively and stubbornly resilient--reaching for a specific form to the extent the genetics of the physical body and external circumstance allow.

Cordially,
S&S

I agree with you, I think we have a true appearance as well. Perhaps even that we consistently look similar in some way shape or form. I've considered perhaps it's as a means for identification. Maybe if not for us, but others who maybe seek us out.

 

[Cyrus]

I'm just wondering what my "true appearance" on Betelgeuse V's civilization of intelligent mushrooms could look like.

 

[baro-san]

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Baro-san,

The face needs to look a bit more like Cyrus' avatar. Otherwise, I think it is a great likeness.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--A beard would be nice addition.

 

[baro-san]

The mushroom-people might be hairless, asexual, and those hats be part of their bodies, ...

 

[SeaAndSky]

I agree, but still think the beard (a distinctive Cyrus trademark) would add a nice touch.

 

[Cyrus]

There is no such thing as "true appearance" before a reincarnation occurs.
I made an attempt to be ironic to say this in a soft way, but I didn't succeed.
"True appearance" belongs entirely to the material world a soul is reincarnated into, as well as e.g. gender.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Cyrus,

I disagree on both points, but you are also entitled to your opinion on these matters. I have had many long debates on the gender issue on this board--and no one ever changed their minds on the issue that I can recall (including me). In terms of the continuity of appearance, having a "true" appearance does not mean that other appearances are not possible; nor does having a true gender negate the possibility of incarnating as the opposite sex. All of the foregoing is, of course, my opinion and you are free to differ.

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

I have reincarnated in both genders, and regardless I always look similar in a way even if my race changes. It's why I said what I did about perhaps it's some sort of means of identification, I can't say for sure because I don't have all the answers. Like all of us, I'm just floating in theory.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi SR,

In terms of gender, there have been numerous discussions on the board. Overall, I think the best thread to review in terms of the various positions on this issue and their underlying merit is titled "Do souls have gender?"--which you can get to with the board's search function. I find the discussion (and the topic) very interesting myself as my current incarnation (based on the little bit of PL info I have) appears to be cross-gender*.

Cordially,
S&S

PS*--Most of the data on PLs obtained so far seems to indicate that people reincarnate in the same gender 80-90% of the time. Thus, the term cross-gender is generally taken to mean an incarnation in a gender that is not typical for that soul (or entity, individuality, spirit, etc. etc.--there is really no "official" English terminology for "that" which reincarnates, but most on the board use the term "soul" for that purpose).
PPS--Feel free to re-open the discussion if you wish, it always seems to stimulate a lot of "vigorous" conversations (which is good for the board).

 

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

Hi SR,

In terms of gender, there have been numerous discussions on the board. Overall, I think the best thread to review in terms of the various positions on this issue and their underlying merit is titled "Do souls have gender?"--which you can get to with the board's search function. I find the discussion (and the topic) very interesting myself as my current incarnation (based on the little bit of PL info I have) appears to be cross-gender*.

Cordially,
S&S

PS*--Most of the data on PLs obtained so far seems to indicate that people reincarnate in the same gender 80-90% of the time. Thus, the term cross-gender is generally taken to mean an incarnation in a gender that is not typical for that soul (or entity, individuality, spirit, etc. etc.--there is really no "official" English terminology for "that" which reincarnates, but most on the board use the term "soul" for that purpose).
PPS--Feel free to re-open the discussion if you wish, it always seems to stimulate a lot of "vigorous" conversations (which is good for the board).

Sure, I'll check out the topic and start up conversation, or try to.

 

[Cyrus]

I agree, but still think the beard (a distinctive Cyrus trademark) would add a nice touch.

Nobody authorized you to discuss any features on my avatar as some kind of trademark or smth. else.
You well deserve to be banned for this.
Please, direct any personal remarks to yourself, in the future.

 

[Cyrus]

Hi Cyrus,

I disagree on both points, but you are also entitled to your opinion on these matters. I have had many long debates on the gender issue on this board--and no one ever changed their minds on the issue that I can recall (including me). In terms of the continuity of appearance, having a "true" appearance does not mean that other appearances are not possible; nor does having a true gender negate the possibility of incarnating as the opposite sex. All of the foregoing is, of course, my opinion and you are free to differ.

Cordially,
S&S

Anthropomorphism in its glory - so primitive and feeble-minded.
When the Spaniards first contacted the American aborigens, the Indians, seeing the Spaniards mounted on their horses, thought them being a new kind of two-headed human beings, as they never had seen a horse before. But even those poor Indians had more wits to admit the possibility of a new kind of a combined (person+horse) beeing.

 

[baro-san]

Talking about anthropomorphism ... I thought about the mushroom people not having legs and not moving around, which would still allow them to communicate telepathically. Maybe we do the same too, and are hypnotized into believing in a physical world like the one we are culturally conditioned to perceive.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Nobody authorized you to discuss any features on my avatar as some kind of trademark or smth. else.
You well deserve to be banned for this.
Please, direct any personal remarks to yourself, in the future.

Hi Cyrus,

I am not sure what you are upset about. You have long used a humorous hypothetical about intelligent mushrooms on Betelgeuse V. Baro-san did a humorous rendition of such a mushroom, and I suggested what I considered to be a humorous addition. No insult to you, your Avatar, or your Avatar's beard was intended. However, as it seemed to upset you--which was definitely not my intention--I will be sure never to mention anything related to your avatar in the future. I also apologize for offending you, though I am still a bit baffled.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--I just did a quick check in terms of planets around Betelgeuse. What AI said did not completely discount the possibility, though none have been found:

"No, planets have not been detected orbiting Betelgeuse, and it is unlikely it currently hosts any, as its inflated red supergiant atmosphere likely engulfed any previous planets, and its advanced age makes planet formation unlikely. However, Betelgeuse likely had planets early in its life, which may exist further out, beyond the star's current gas outflows, but these are difficult to detect."

 

[SeaAndSky]

Anthropomorphism in its glory - so primitive and feeble-minded.
When the Spaniards first contacted the American aborigens, the Indians, seeing the Spaniards mounted on their horses, thought them being a new kind of two-headed human beings, as they never had seen a horse before. But even those poor Indians had more wits to admit the possibility of a new kind of a combined (person+horse) beeing.

Hi Cyrus,

I am, once again, not sure what is offensive about what I said, nor why it would elicit so much opprobrium on your part. In terms of the Indians, like the rest of us, they were entitled to be initially baffled and confused by something they had never seen before. There is nothing primitive or feeble-minded about that. At the moment, some of the most intelligent people in the world are throwing out theories about 3I/Atlas (something we have never seen before) that may also prove to be wildly and even ridiculously incorrect.

In terms of the soul continuing to be embodied in some way after it leaves the fleshly body behind, I once again don't see the problem. There have been many over the years who have testified to the existence of what are commonly called an etheric and an astral body, and of traveling to various locations/realms in such bodies. There are others still, including Paul the apostle, who attest to the existence of a spiritual body, and of traveling to spirit realms in such a body. These names may vary as well as the arrangement of various realms and planes in such reports, but I think there is a fairly wide acceptance of, and consensus, that such bodies exist. So, I am not sure of the nature of your problem. Are you objecting to the existence of non-fleshly embodiments, the fact that they might be gendered, or the idea that the soul itself could be gendered?

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Totoro]

On the topic of "true appearance", it's important to remember that each soul has their own free will and sovereignty.

When it comes to topics and discussions like these, it's important to remember there are no absolutes and everything must be seen through the perspective or lens of the individual soul.

It may be true for one soul to say they have no set appearance and equally true for another to have a firm declaration and image of how they wish to appear.

Our true selves have no set appearance. We're simply energy, but despite that, it's also possible to project a preferred representational image in soul spaces.

So as always, the answer is up to each individual soul.

 

[Sakamoto Ryoma]

On the topic of "true appearance", it's important to remember that each soul has their own free will and sovereignty.

When it comes to topics and discussions like these, it's important to remember there are no absolutes and everything must be seen through the perspective or lens of the individual soul.

It may be true for one soul to say they have no set appearance and equally true for another to have a firm declaration and image of how they wish to appear.

Our true selves have no set appearance. We're simply energy, but despite that, it's also possible to project a preferred representational image in soul spaces.

So as always, the answer is up to each individual soul.

This is actually similar to how I've seen it. As with anything in life, there's perception and individuality about everything. I don't think there can be any black and whites, and of course no absolutes either.

 

[baro-san]

important to remember that each soul has their own free will and sovereignty.

I look at "free will" as being free to exercise your will and knowing that that will have consequences.

To me, "soul" is more than this human that it seems that "I am". It is like the kid who attends a school, and is in a class. My soul is the kid, in school and outside it. I, when awake and conscious, am the pupil in school.

I understand "sovereignty" as meaning that nobody imposes on me to act a certain way, to the same degree that I can't impose on others to bare on my acts. When there is a contradiction, there is a process of mitigation.

As a kid in school, a pupil, I have free will and sovereignty, and being a kid I definitely don't understand a lot about what I am, why I am there, what I am supposed to do there, what are the consequences of a choice or another, what is the impact of my choices on others and on me. I don't understand even that there are so many things to consider, not even that I am there to learn.

From this perspective, I believe that on all the levels of existence, we always were are, will be kids in schools.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Returning to the general topic of what we are like when not embodied, there is a way to avoid the issue, which is the way of the Druze. The Druze are a Middle-Eastern "Islamic" sect (other Muslims apparently consider them to be heretics). Their basic position is that there is no "gap"--i.e., at the death of a Druze, the Druze immediately returns as another Druze. In terms of a search for Druze reincarnation beliefs, I got--"Druze beliefs center on instantaneous, soul-to-soul reincarnation, where a soul is reborn into a newborn baby immediately after death. This process, known as taqammus, involves the soul leaving the body, which is likened to shedding a shirt or "garment," to enter a new one. The belief that a soul will only be reborn into a Druze body reinforces a strong, familial, and kin-based social identity within the community." In terms of my question about cross-sex reincarnation, I got--"No, the Druze do not believe they can be reincarnated as the opposite sex. A central tenet of the Druze faith is the belief in taqammus (reincarnation), but it has very specific rules that distinguish it from beliefs in other religions.
Key principles of Druze reincarnation

• Same-sex reincarnation: The soul of a deceased male is reborn into a male baby, and a female soul into a female baby.
• Instantaneous transfer: When a person dies, their soul is immediately transferred into the body of a newborn.
• A closed community of souls: The Druze believe that the number of souls is finite and that a Druze soul is only reincarnated within the Druze community.
• No karma: Unlike some Eastern religions, the next life is not determined by actions in the previous one.
• No non-human reincarnation: The soul can only be reborn as a human, not an animal or plant."

So, questions about what we look like in the afterlife or whether we are gendered in the afterlife have no meaning for them. Here is a nice article:

Druze Reincarnation: A Connection Between Lives

The Druze believe in reincarnation. When we die, our souls enter the body of a newborn. This is due to the belief in the duality.

www.arabamerica.com

Overall, this seems like a simple, straight-forward approach. It may be wrong, but it is relatively easy to understand. The questions that immediately occur to me are: What happens when the Druze community has a net decrease or increase in living members. It seems that a decrease would leave a dying soul with no place to go, whereas an increase would mean a Druze community member might have to be inhabited by a non-Druze soul. Frankly, I find it hard to believe that the Druze population has remained absolutely static over the last millennia or so since its founding, with each death being matched up with a simultaneous birth. But maybe they have a way to deal with this as part of their belief system. Still, an interesting approach.

 

[SeaAndSky]

My questions in regard to population changes was answered by AI as follows:

When the Druze population increases, it is not because new souls are created or that outsiders are converted. Instead, the community's size is a reflection of the number of Druze souls currently living in physical bodies. Population growth is accounted for by the following factors:

• The finite pool of souls: Druze tradition teaches that a fixed number of souls has existed since the eleventh century, when the faith ceased accepting converts. These souls simply cycle through different lives within the community.
• A "reserve" of souls: Some interpretations suggest that a number of Druze souls are in a state of stasis or "in China" when not inhabiting a body. A population increase is explained by more of these dormant souls being born into the community at a given time.

I suppose I could accept the idea of a "dormant" soul reserve as one way of getting around some of the problems presented, however, the mention of being "in China" gave me pause. I asked AI about that too, but I will not paste it in here. You can do it yourself if you wish. All I can say is that it seems to represent some type of heavenly place the better souls get to go to. Whether they get to come back is another question to be answered. However, I think I have gone far enough "down the rabbit hole" for one day.

 

[baro-san]

Tbe Druze belief in reincarnation raises questions, as all beliefs and truths do, or should. This is because we all do, ever did and ever will, interpret things through our individual, and en masse, subjectivity.

All the systems of belief that attempt to describe reality, physical and non-physical, present subjective interpretations of the same truth. Each of them began with some intuitive distortion: got something right, and other things wrong. In time, others' interpretations added distortions unintentionally (subjectively), and intentionally (to serve some interests).

So, I believe that the way to look at the Druze belief in reincarnation, as to all the other systems-of-beliefs' precepts, is: intuitively; not intellectually, not emotionally. This allows to reduce our subjectivity, and to sift through the distortions introduced by others' subjectivity.

The "fixed number of souls" concept, for example, might point to something that other faiths point in different ways, and it is a distortion of some truth, a feature of the wider reality.

If there is true that "there is no time" (or pointing to something that could be expressed that way), then the "fixed number of souls" could actually be a distortion that points to the same truth; for example that there is a relatively fixed numbers of choices a soul can select from to incarnate. This is like a relatively fixed number of curricula, of manuals, of lessons to choose from when attending a school.

So, the Druze formulation, however distorted, still offers value, not by its literal wording but by what inner resonance it stirs.